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Thursday, January 03, 2008
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 THE FALL OF DYNASTY POLITICS IN AMERICA AND THE RISE OF JOHN McCAIN
Tonight Iowa proved that the impossible is possible. Tonight we learned that Hillary Clinton is more than capable of losing, and losing rather handily. A black guy from Chicago tore down the House of Clinton in one of the whitest, most rural places, not only in America, but in the motherfucking world, and he did it decisively.
Not only did Barack Obama kick Hillary's ass across the state, an insincere, faux hillbilly haircut like John Edwards did, too. It was a bad night to be Hillary Clinton, and I haven't seen her husband look that bad since his Grand Jury appearance of a decade ago.
If tonight repeats itself in New Hampshire next Tuesday - and I fully expect it to - Hillary is finished. Without New Hampshire, Clinton won't even carry New York or the 22 other states that she's from. I don't care what the numbers are now; New Yorkers and Californians will never support a proven loser. If you're interested in how that works, take a good look at Rudy Giuliani's national numbers. Rudy, by the way, lost to Ron fucking Paul by six points tonight.
Tonight knocked down all of Team Hillary's three key arguments: that she's inevitable, that blacks won't vote for Obama because whites won't, and that her experience trumps his message of "hope." Without those, not only will Hillary lose everywhere else, she has no rationale for a campaign at all other than the retarded and un-American notions of dynasty.
I loved the first President Bush will all of my heart and I still do. I think that he's a fantastic man and a highly underrated president, whom history will treat well. His son decided early on to demonstrate just how different he is from the old man. Well, he did just that, and hopefully it'll kill the idea of a hereditary presidency for as long as the failed Adams restoration did in the 19th century.
You didn't get 41 by voting for 43 and you won't get Bill by voting for Hillary. Not only does she not have his experience, she doesn't have anything close to his political skill. Furthermore, while she lies every bit as much as her husband, she doesn't do it with the joy that he does.
The slow political death of Hillary Clinton and her demented dynastic ambitons began tonight. It was almost as much fun to watch as seeing Mitt Romey getting shithammered into oblivion. Romney - part of another failed dynasty - and Hillary are two sides to the same coin. They both came into the race with unseemly senses of entitlement, thinking they could roll into Mayberry and carry the day with the iron triange of bullshit, money and television.
And they both got humiliated in the most forceful way.
If any of you are worried about John Edwards and Mike Huckabee, don't be. Their dreams died tonight, too, if only because Iowa is pretty much the only place that either of them could have won. Edwards has been practically living there for five years now, and has no money or organization anywhere else. Jimmy Carter pulled that off 22 years ago, but he had breathing room between primaries to build on it and Edwards doesn't. John Edwards is also pretending to be William Jennings Bryan, who, as I remember it, didn't do very well in national politics either.
Huckabee is an Arkansas pigfucker with a bible fetish, and he has the same problems Edwards does - no money or organization anywhere but Iowa and no time to build it. Huckabee's in an even worse place than Edwards in that he not only borrowed Jimmy Carter's electoral strategy, he borrowed a good chunk of his platform, too. In a more secular and libertarian state like New Hampshire, Huckabee is going to get skinned like a fucking hog. If Romney pays Huckabee any attention at all in the Granite State, he's even dumber than I think he is, which is dumb in a way that only astronomers can measure with any accuracy.
Romney's done as well. He got beaten badly by a guy who makes Barry Goldwater look like George Washington and his campaign has gotten this far only because he's loaning himself the money. He's John Kerry without the charisma and that's not going to play anywhere.
The big story tonight - other than elevation of Barack Obama from mortal rock star to dusky deity - is John McCain.
Despite spending no money and even less time in Iowa, despite having the termerity to tell Iowans that America will never run its cars on fucking corn, John McCain came in fourth. He beat Giuliani, Captain 9/11 himself, by over three to one. Giuliani came closer in the raw vote to Alan Keyes than he did McCain.
McCain is now in a place where he doesn't have to beat Romney, although I think he will, to knock him out of the race, he just has to place a strong second. If Romney can't kick McCain's ass in a really convincing way in his own neighbouring state and an unbelieveable money advantage, he turns into Hillary with slightly more magical underpants. Romney lost to a nobody tonight by nine points. McCain is a national figure who most people have the upmost respect for. Let's see how Mitt does.
That makes the Republican race between McCain and Giuliani. Rudy's had a bad couple of months and his fundraising's taking a shitkicking. Everything that had made Rudy Rudy over the last twenty years has come back to bite him on the ass. Giuliani also made the mistake of making his campaign about national security, stupidly thinking that he'd be facing a putz like Romney. National secutity is an issue that McCain was born to run on.
Depending on how next Tuesday plays out, this could very well be a McCain / Obama race in the fall. And that would be so much more fun to watch that Giuliani / Clinton.
I might actually start giving a shit pretty soon.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Born to Run By: Bruce Springsteen From: Born to Run
PermalinkLabels: Clusterfuck to the White House, Fun With Politics
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