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Saturday, August 30, 2003
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I REALLY HATE FIGHTING IN PUBLIC
I have a little routine that I've developed over the last few months. I wake up, rub one out and then come online and read through the morning newspapers and blogs that I find interesting or those of friends. It comforts me. I know, it's a simple life. This morning was no different. Well, there was a twist.
As some of you know, I've been in a relationship for the last five years. I've made no secret of it though I don't often discuss it in public. That relationship was put under strain by something that I did recently. Some of you know what that is, and to those that don't, I won't discuss it as it infringes on other people's privacy and I refuse to do that. I will say that what I did was wrong, deeply wrong and I accept complete responsibility for it. I will say that I spoke with everyone concerned, admitted what I did and accepted responsibility for it. I never lied to anyone.
After this was done, we agreed to separately reflect on the state of what I had done among other strains that were previously undermining that relationship. I thought it had been addressed. Privately.
Apparently, I was mistaken.
As I went through my blogs of interest, I came across my girlfriend's. She doesn't specifically name me, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that her missive of yesterday was addressed to me. She has decided that she wants to have this discussion in public. I would prefer that wasn't the case but I wasn't given a vote. You can read what she had to say here and then I'll respond as if I was speaking to her privately, which is what I would prefer.
Everybody caught up? Good.
Firstly, what we both seem to want is an issue that I'm particularly interested in. We both know what you want and that I can't realistically provide that. We've discussed that several times over the last couple of years. To imply that I want "more from you than I'm willing to give" is wrong and you should know that. If you believe that this "is a waste of time and effort" it seems clear to me what you need to do. You refer to games and I'm not sure how to respond to that. I've never been less than honest with you and I'm done with sly accusations that I'm not.
As to your allegation that "men want whores", it's untrue and an attempt at name-calling. Your problem is with me, Not anyone else. So concentrate the name-calling on me if you absolutely must resort to that. Okay? Thanks. You also are rather forceful in stating that I attempted to make you jealous. We've addressed that in private and since you refuse to believe what I've said I won't address it again. Ever.
In regards to what you think my reaction is to our recent situation, you continue to either misunderstand or misrepresent what that was. I'm not particularly interested in which. But I'll again, for the last time, address it. No one hurt me. I tried to resolve the situation as honourably as I could with everyone involved. I do regret that the situation played out like it did and I'm deeply sorry that anyone was hurt. But you can't or won't understand that. You'd rather simplify a complicated situation so you can reduce it to something you can be easily angry about. Fine, be angry. You're good at it.
Apparently, you have learned quite a bit about me in the last year. I'm sorry that so little of it can be positive. But if I'm such a selfish guy then what you need to do seems clear. I've tried responding to your concerns repeatedly and then you think or perhaps talk to a third party and come to me with yet more angry allegations. I'm through with that. I couldn't be more tired of your assuming the absolute worst about me before even speaking to me. That ends here and now.
And so far as your showerhead and razor go, enjoy them, Angel.
I wish we could've taken some time to reflect and discuss this privately. If things between us had to work out this way, we could've done it like adults and maintained some kind of a relationship. But you couldn't or wouldn't let that happen. I regret that more than anything else in this mess.
I've never had a bad word to say about you publicly or privately. I don't intend to start now. I couldn't be more sincere in wishing you and your family all of the happiness you deserve. You are among the strongest and most compassionate women I've ever met. But I'm tired of being your personal bad guy. From this point on, you can believe whatever you want about me. I won't be in a relationship that continues to degenerate into a debating society about what a skunk I am. I'm too old and too tired for it.
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