 EVANGELINE LILLY IS A DELUSIONAL PAIN IN THE ASS AND SHOULD BE BEHEADED SOON
Anyone who looks at the sidebar to the left will see a picture of me about halfway down. Unlike most folks on Al Gore's World Wide Web, I don't hide from just how ugly I am. While I don't exactly celebrate it, I'm not going to mislead you into believing that I'm some super-hot guy. I have an ugly face, an ugly personality, and you good folks celebrate me for my ugly writings. Amazingly enough, I've come to be at peace with my ugliness. Indeed, there are times when my ugliness comforts me.
Some of you might think that being comfortaed by my uglines is somewhat strange. However, I would posit that its significantly less weird than being tortured by one's own beauty. Not only is that cosmically bizarre, it is phenominally stupid.
Being good looking is widely accepted as being a positive thing. Being physically attractive frees a person from so many tiresome chores, like learning how to read. And the illiterate are famous for being the happiest bastards on Earth. Seriously, how depressed does Brad Pitt look to you? Do you seee him bemoaning the fact that he's the best looking guy on the planet, has to fuck Angelina Jolie and can only count to Q? I kinda doubt it.
But apparently there are people that ballsy. Evangeline Lilly is one of them.
I'd be less than totally honest if I pretended to know who Evangeline Lilly is. I've never seen "Lost" and going from the photos I've managed to dig up of her, she's not hot enough to really be of any consequence to my life. That's not to say I wouldn't fuck her. Of course, I would. I've had worse. But I've certainly had better. Having seen Evangeline Lilly, I can say that I'd fuck her. But I probably wouldn't enjoy it that much.
That is particularly true when I found out about her unrealistic and obnoxious view of herself.
LOST star EVANGELINE LILLY was so uncomfortable with her beauty when she was a teenager, she would plead with God to make her ugly. The Canadian actress had been a tomboy for most of her childhood but when she turned 16, she suddenly blossomed into a stunning young woman. I think she should've pleaded for better tits, but that just shows that I'm way more pragmatic than Evageline is.
She explains, "I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wishing I was ugly because of the way men leered and disrespected me, because they assumed things about my mental capacity or my physical willingness based on the way I looked."
I think this story tells us everything we need to know about her mental capacity. It also tells us that she's, among other things, a narcissitic cunt.
Let's break down her thinking for a second, shall we? This fucking woman got herself disrespected and leered all the way to her own network television show. If you want to downplay how hot you are, having a TV show generally isn't the most effective way of doing that. If you don't believe me, just ask Larry King. That poor bastard has been hounded by his own sexiness for 25 years now. If you're going to weep for anyone, weep for Larry!
The star become so uneasy with the unwanted attention that it drove her to quit her job as a waitress, which helped her pay for her college education. This stupid bitch went to college? That just proves a theory that I've had for decades. That all the dumbest motherfuckers have degrees. Usually in the Liberal Arts. Christ, I couldn't be prouder of dropping out of high school. College, too.
She adds, "I felt like a whore. You feel like they're paying to stare at your a*s when you're walking away from the table."  There is yet another example of just how stupid Evangeline Lilly is. No one pays a whore to look at her ass. Well, Jimmy Swaggart does, but it's pretty rare. Whores are all about you looking at their asses for free. They see it as advertising. Now, if they're paying to fuck your ass, that's where you might start feeling like a whore.
Far be it from me to question why a woman who feels that she's been sexually violated by men's minds in diners would flee to the sexual security that is network television. God knows that television couldn't be further away from being a masturbatory aid for the desperate and lonely. That alone explains why Pamela Anderson has been such a failure in life and John McLaughlin is the most successful person in the history of television. But I think that a lot of that has to do with the fact that McLaughlin doesn't mind people looking at his ass. I think we've all seen the look he gets in his eye when he catches Elanor Clift checking out his package.
Evangeline Lilly is a special kind of person. She's obsessed with a beauty that she doesn't really posess. She mistakes guys wanting to fuck her with being a ravishing woman. Someone should really clue her in to the fact that most guys will fuck a bolongna sandwich that we find on the sidewalk in a pinch. And that would probably be better sex, if for no other reason than the sandwich won't ask us to not hate it because it's beautiful afterward. Evangeline is the kind of girl who screams at you not look at her ass, when you'd do anything at all to avoid looking at it, if only she'd put the fucking thing away.
The only way this girl could ever be the center of attention that she so desperately wants to be is if she stars in a snuff movie. I'd actually pay good money to see this bitch beheaded.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a strange craving for a bolongna sandwich.
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Labels: Celebrity Skin, I Hate Myself And I Want To Die, People Are Strange
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