Alcoholics Anonymous, the renowned 12-step program that directs problem drinkers to seek help from a higher power, says it's not a religion and is open to nonbelievers. But it has enough religious overtones that a parolee can't be ordered to attend its meetings as a condition of staying out of prison, a federal appeals court ruled Friday.
It gets better. Oh, it gets so much better.
In fact, said the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, the constitutional dividing line between church and state in such cases is so clear that a parole officer can be sued for damages for ordering a parolee to go through rehabilitation at Alcoholics Anonymous or an affiliated program for drug addicts.
While suing a parole officer sure sounds like fun, that part of the Ninth's ruling is disingenuous at best. You see, parole officers on their own are incapable of ordering anyone to do anything. They monitor and enforce the decisions of the courts and parole boards.
Small problem. Courts enjoy something called "judicial immunity." Therefore, they cannot be sued for their official rulings from the bench. This is how yokel judges in horribly backward places like Ohio can sentence a defendant to wearing a stupid sign in a public place without consequence - despite the fact that such a punishment is unusual enough to be considered unconstitutional.
If you had an exemption from suffering the consequences for every idiot thing you've ever done on the job, would you give it up? Me neither. So the Court settled on suing parole officers instead of the courts which are primarily responsible. Because avoiding responsibility really is the best way for people in black robes to get those with substance abuse problems to accept same.
Rulings from across the nation since 1996 have established that "requiring a parolee to attend religion-based treatment programs violates the First Amendment," the court said. "While we in no way denigrate the fine work of (Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous), attendance in their programs may not be coerced by the state."
Exactly. I've always wondered how court-enforced rehab has survived First Amendment challenges. Having said that, Narcotics Anonymous is run by the "Church" of Scientology, and while I suppose that aliens are a "higher power" in the strictest technical sense of the term, I highly doubt that they are what the Founders meant when the busied themselves separating church and state.
So how is rehab unconstitutional? Because almost all non-medical programs are based on
"the Twelve Steps."In those 12 steps, God is mentioned in no fewer than four, as are "higher powers" and "spiritual awakenings." Despite the qualifier of "as we understood Him," the capitalization of "Him" denotes a specific Judeo-Christian intreptation of the higher power. For the courts to order someone into such a program under threat of imprisonment couldn't violate the Establishment Clause more clearly.
If this were a simple question of law, I think the matter would end there. But I can't see the state of Hawaii allowing a civil suit against a state employee to continue as all manner of brutishness lays down that path.
I fully expect this to be appealed to the Supreme Court of the United States. And given the hostility of the Supremes to the Ninth, I expect yet another reversal. If I know the Roberts Court as well as I think I do, they'll likely cling to the "as we understood Him" language to find that twelve-step programs aren't religious enough to justify upholding the Ninth Circuit's ruling and they'll reverse.
It'll be a constitutional atrocity and mock both the letter and the spirit of the First Amendment, but what are you going to do? Life is like that once you involve people in it. This is also where my conempt for everyone that isn't De originated. Only her beautiful mouth and fantabuolous knockers stopped me from slaughtering you all years ago.
If I were of the mind to straighten up and fly right like a good boy, I'd give the manner in which I did so a great deal of study. I'd make certain that any program to which I committed myself would involve regular beatings with a riding crop by the beautiful
Dita Von Teese. That "bad boy" time would be followed by a loving lap dance and perhaps a through hand-job. I too have a higher power. Mine just happens to possess raven hair and porcelin skin.
Only when I can face the fact that Dita has been forever ruined by Marilyn Manson would I know that I could again face the world without my beloved pills, poweders and amber fluids. Having said that, I hope that day never comes.
As it is, I'd likely be like Ozzy Osborne and seek a facility equipped with a fully stocked bar. After all, no one should be forced to face rehab sober. All real gentlemen know that.
Easy Listening Recomendation of the Day: Have a Drink on Me By: AC/DC
From: Back in Black
