 THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF FAST JOHNNY FUCKHEAD
And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead
-Bob Dylan, Masters of War
Remember how I was supposed to get indicted in Florida for the attempted murder of the shithead to the left?
In case you missed the story the first time around, or just loved it so much you had to hear it again, here it is. The story of our story is one John Detlev Ireland Arkle. Sir Johnny Shithead is a zen motherfucker, or some manner of chop-sakee nonsense. Thing is, I thought people with fat little gods were supposed to be all placid and stuff. Johnny decidedly aint.
As I described before, a close friend of mine brought sithead into her home. It was supposed to be for six months. He stayed for three years. Not only did he turn out not to be very zen-like, he was an outrght prick! Given to punching holes in walls, yelling and cyber-seducing women of, shall we say, interesting forms was he. Oh, and seriously stupid suicide attempts. I can't forget that.
You see, at one point, young Johnny decided that he was going to "end it all," so painful was his life as an angry Limey dwarf. So he tried to hang himself in my friend's garage. Small problem, the stupid bastard chose a garage with the lowest ceiling possible. Johnny, I'm sure it can't be called a suicide attempt if your fucking toes can touch the ground, you putz! There's nothing sadder than someone who can't even kill themselves properly. Particularly in a country that has more guns than people.
Anyhoo, our little drama queen stormed about for nearly a year threatening to kill himself. My friend asked me about it, and I told her that little Johnny was too much of a fairy to do something as manly as that, and to let him give it a shot. Sure, I figured that the guy was an idiot and a fucking pussy to boot, but he might fuck up and actually kill himself. After all, there's nothing funnier than an accidental suicide.
Little John somehow got it into his bitty Buddhist brain that my wishful thinking amounted to attempted murder. That's where my being indicted for attempted murder came in. Problem is, he threatened to indict me in Florida. At the time that he was Little Miss Suicide, 2004, he was living in Michigan. And I'm Canadian. And the law that he cited was from Georgia (that's right, fuckwad, I checked.) Even if I was guitly beyond words, the state of Florida had no jurisdiction whatsover. The "proper authourities" that he consulted have offices in his fucking head. God knows, there more than enough room there.
But here we are, over a month later, and I'm still un-indicted. My heart breaks, because I think I could've written a really cool book during my trial. I'd be to Johnny Arkle what Martin Luther King was to Bull Connor. Except that Bull Connor wasn't as racist as Johnny is. He loves to laugh and cry about the racist atrocities he supposedly committed during his imaginary service in the Kenyan military. When he was 14 years old.
That's not to say that I don't think he shouldn't commit suicide. He absolutely should. Everyone around him would be better off. The women he leeches off of, the wife he refuses to divorce and his petty thief of a son, all would be at peace if he'd just do the honourable thing and eat a bullet.
I'd love to see him kill himself --- not just hear about it, but to actually see it. That would make for greatest Christmas ever. Wanting to see that, however, isn't a crime and I think Johnny knows that now. But for the record, I want you to kill yourself, John. Desperately. Actually, I dream about it at night.
Once he realized that he couldn't send me up the river, Johnny decided that he was going to post some pictures that he claimed to have of what he alleges are my penis. That idea really grabbed his fancy, as it were. Writing about my cock became as close to a full-time job as Johnny's ever had. He mentioned it on no fewer than three websites under about 5 different names. Often as a girl. Little Johnny Arkle can't get enough of my cock. No wonder he leaves his girlfriends so disappointed.
Can't say I blame him, though. I have a beautiful cock. Very photogenic, too.
So let's keep track. Thus far, John Boy is supposed to have;
- Had me indicted by the state of Florida under Georgia law, for crimes that- if they were even crimes- were committed in Michigan and Ontario.
- Made my schvantz an Internet superstar.
I'm actually kind of disappointed that neither has happened. That would've been fun. And it would've given me something cool to write about. But, NOOOOOOOO, it was just Boy Arkle talking out of his ass. But like most stupid people, John Boy is persistent. He keeps sending me threatening messages. In fact, they come at a rate of about 3 or 4 a week now. On one his drag queen websites, Johnny challenged me to post the entire transcripts of our conversation. I'll thake that challenge as permission. In fact, I instant messaged him asking to post those transcripts. Here's how he responded; Genryu Arkle (27/06/2006 10:37:03 PM): LOL, go right ahead. I'll make sure your employer and several other interested parties get all the information I have on you. And I am in Georgia, (real name redacted) didn't tell you? LMAO. So come down here and meet me face to face. I'll arrange to have someone meet you at Atlanta airport and bring you to me. Ooooooo, just like in the Godfather. Except that he isn't in Georgia. More on that later. Genryu Arkle (27/06/2006 10:39:35 PM): Oh and btw, you posted comments about me before I even mentioned you, so you now have to take the consequences of your actions. There's nothing you can do to me, there's a hell of a lot I can do to you. So go right ahead and post your crap. Every time you open your mouth, write something about me or message me, you make things worse for yourself. But keep it coming, because it makes things that much better for me. And check with (real name redacted), she knows I'm in Georgia, as does everyone but you - but then you have a real track record for getting things wrong don't you Mark? Did it take a lot of practice in front of a mirror to be such a sad, pathetic little man or are you naturally a loser? Genryu Arkle (27/06/2006 10:41:05 PM): LOL, you come to Georgia, I have quite a few people that would like to chat with you and you'll have to see once and for all how you were lied and used to by (real name redacted) , all of which can be proven. So who's the coward now? Btw, when are you going to grow up? You're embarrassing yourself. skippystalin (27/06/2006 10:41:34 PM): So prove it. skippystalin (27/06/2006 10:42:50 PM): And yes, the 90 friends you having living in your head are adorable. skippystalin (27/06/2006 10:43:41 PM): So are you going to grow a life soon, or what? For the record, I hadn't heard his name or my friend's in a year when this all started. Then my friend finally got smart and threw his ass to Florida. Somehow, this became my fault. How, I'm not sure, but that's why life is so much easier when you're stupid and mentally ill. But then he commented anonymously (because he's a fucking coward) , using my real name on this site. If you know anything about blogging, you know that that's a no-no, and must be punished swiftly and viciously. That's how we ended up where we are. Are you as bored as I am, yet? Good. Now, unless my comprehension of the English language is even worse than Arkle's - which hardly seems possible - it sounds like Johnny's implicitly threatening violence, doesn't it? Of course, he'd have to have "people" meet me in Atlanta. Firstly, because Johnny is ever-so-powerful; secondly, because he's only three feet tall and I'd crush him like a fucking beer can. However, I am flattered that he thinks I'd need "several" people to take me to him. Then I realized that all of those people live in his head. And most of them are girls. Oh, did I mention that he's not even in Georgia? He's still in Florida. Johnny also likes reminding me that he has legal immigration status in the United States now. Not fucking likely. You see, Johnny entered the country in the fall of 2002 on a six-month visa. That still didn't stop US Customs from questioning him for several hours upon his arrival, to which I have TWO witnesses. Finally, they grew as tired of him as everyone else is, and let him in the country. The problem is, he's still there. Nearly four years later, he hasn't set foot outsite of the United States. Any immigration attorney will tell you that work permits aren't extended to those who have overstayed a tourist visa by three years. In fact, he didn't even have his passport when he says he became legal. He was in Florida, and his passport was in in Michigan. Yes, John IS that stupid. Since I'm not going to jail for attempted murder, and it appears that my cock isn't making it's small screen debut, Johnny wants me to fly to Atlanta so that he may try to beat me up. Actually, I invited him here to get it on, but he was once arrested here and is ineligible to re-enter Canada. Oops. Way to go, shithead. And frankly, kicking the ass of a pyschotic dwarf who isn't even aware of what state he's in isn't worth the time or money involved. Now Johnny's figured out another imaginary way to make me famous.... Genryu Arkle (30/06/2006 12:36:39 AM): Skippy, I tell you what, why don't you listen in to the radio show I'm starting soon, you might learn something. You should, after all you and real name redacted are going to be mentioned by name and a few of the more moronic things you've done and said will be too . I wonder if your employer listens to the radio? So how about it, come down to Georgia. As I said, I'll have someone meet you at Atlanta airport and bring you to me. Then you can see exactly how wrong you've been all along. Genryu Arkle (30/06/2006 12:37:21 AM): Or are you too chicken to come Skippy? LOL. Contact me only if you decide to accept. Otherwise, grow up and take the consequences of your actions. skippystalin (30/06/2006 12:37:53 AM): Can't wait to hear it, John Boy. It has to be better than your writing and sense of geography skippystalin (30/06/2006 12:39:45 AM): Why would I want to go to Georgia when you're still at Deb's? That's right, teenagers, my life is SO fascinating that the entire Atlanta radio audience is dying to hear about it. THIS is supposed to scare me? Really? Gee, I wonder why he doesnt send whatever he "has" on me to my employers directly? Maybe for the same reason that I'm not in a Florida prison right now. Just like Johnny, his threats have no "there" there. Mine do. As much as I'd love to hear Nigel Tufnel radio, this entire exercise is getting boring for me. I've had this lunatic shithead bothering my private time for two months now, and he stopped being original or entertaining almost immediately. So since John seems to have a touch of stage freight when he's not pretending to be a girl, I'll let you play on his stage for a little while. You can contact him directly at genryu2002@hotmail.com. And since I know I have any number of conservative, American patriots who despise the idea of illegal immigration, here's his address; John Detlev Ireland Arkle DOB:9/4/64 (Address redacted due to changed circumstances - ed). I'm told that the Miami office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement is already aware of his presence, but if you'd like to remind them, you can contact the Field Office Director at 7880 Biscayne Blvd. Miami, FL 33138 Phone: 305-762-3622. Note: I've just been told that Johnny isn't at that address, which is why I obscured the numbers, but the person there knows where he is. I don't want to drag her into this, but I have to, I will. I feel badly for the woman in question and I don't want any of you bothering her. She's just another victim of this stupid scumbag. Even if I eventually post it, I don't want anyone bothering her. I just want the government to know where to find him. Capisce? If it helps any, you should know that he's running a business (which he's probably not paying any income taxes on) here. Illegal immigarants are famous for not paying taxes. Anyhow, I've had it with the fuckhead. He's grown boring and bothersome. You know, Johnny, both of our lives were so much easier before I knew you existed. But you had to go to war with me. You couldn't resist it, could you? Guess what? I don't believe in unconditional surrender. One of us will win, and one will lose. Almost everyone in your life has been given fair warning, John. I'm not taking prisoners and I'm done playing footsie with you. You brought me into this and I'm taking you out. Understood? Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Masters of War By: Bob Dylan From: The Freewheeling Bob Dylan Permalink Labels: Life With skippy
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