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Tuesday, September 11, 2007


CHRIS CROCKER IS SCARIER THAN OSAMA BIN LADEN



Six years ago this morning, fantaical Islamists launched the worst terrorist attacks in human history. 3,000 innocent men, women and children died on September 11, 2001. It was probably the most shocking thing I've ever seen and the most important historical event since the fall of the Berlin Wall.

Both liberals and conservatives tend to believe - and frequently state in public - that al-Qaeda "hates us for our freedom." The president of the United States seemingly can't get through a day without saying so, and the prime ministers of Great Britian, Canada and Australia are his amen choir.

This is of course abject nonsense. If bin Laden harbored such hatred of freedom, he would've issued fatwas against countries like Sweden, and Switzerland would have been vaporized years ago. Saudi Arabia is hardly a free society, yet its royal family is al-Qaeda's number one target. Ditto Jordan. On the the Islamist list of "greatest Satans," the United States comes in fifth, after Shi'ia Muslims, apostate Arab governments, Israel and India.

Al-Qaeda can't be thrilled about people like Chris Crocker. Having said that, I can't imagine that anyone is. That guy - who I had never heard of before this morning, but seems to be the latest Internet superstar - is frighteningly homosexual. That might seem like a homophobic statement upon first blush, but watching just a little bit of him would lead one to conclude that even most reasonable gay men would fear and despise Crocker.

Can anything be more horrifyingly obscene that a skinny white boy in eyeliner and lipstick affecting the mannerisms of a black woman? Not only is this idiot a stereotype, he's a stereotype of a stereotype. If anyone out there still thinks that I'm offensive, they clearly haven't been paying enough attention to the potential of the Internet.

This guy is the kind of homo who makes other gays and lesbians start to undrstand gay-bashing.

How did Chris get this way, you ask? Well, strap yourselves in because here we go.



"Is there a closet full of gay guys?" Uh, yeah there is. Just ask Larry Craig. Why isn't Crocker in one? For the simple reason that the engineering resources do not yet exist to construct a closet big enough to contain his demented sexuality. This dude makes Boy George look like the idiots who murdered Matthew Shephard.

And if you didn't think that violence against women was bad enough, just wait until you hear threats thereof from the most flamboyant homosexual ever!



And don't think he's not capable of psychotic violence either.



Now I'm hardly an authority on the modern cinema, but I'm positive that I've seen that lighting and those dance moves before. I think it was in The Silence of the Lambs. I don't think anyone has seen a variation of the Jame Gumb dance quite as chilling as Chris Cocker's before.

If he were alive today, even Charles Nelson Reilly would tell Crocker to tone it the fuck down. Toronto has the third largest gay community in North America and I've never seen anyone quite that gay.

Even when he tries to act human, Chris Crocker still manages to be not only wrong, but magnificently so.



As tragic as AIDS is, no one has contracted it from a vaccination (actually, what Chris means is a blood transfusion) since 1984. And the people who did died about ten years ago. HIV/AIDS is actually one of the harder diseases to get infected with. Unless someone deliberately infects you, you have to work pretty hard to get it. IV drug use and the best kinds of sex are the only remaining means of transmission in North America.

That's not meant to be unsympathetic, but very few people are infected accidentally, unless you change the definition of "accidental" to include deliberate carelessness. Then there's the bugchaser and giftgiving phenomenons, which are among the most senseless and frightening social movements out there and further evidence that society is doomed and probably should be.

The only time Crocker is something approaching calm is when he's discussing an epidemic that is wiping out his community in numbers wildly disproportionate to the greater North American population. The rest of the time he's wildly obnoxious and cartoonishly bitchy.

But if you want to see what really breaks down Crocker's defenses, just bring up Britney Spears's performance on Sunday night.



You know, I've met Holocaust survivors who have been able to view their trauma more dispassionately. A chubby girl didn't dance very well on television and you would think the guy had just watched his family get dismembered by a fucking thresher. There have been wars that haven't elicited that much of an emotional response in people.

So that's how I spent my 9/11 anniversary - warching a gay guy who couldn't be more detached from reality. Speaking of which, I have to go to work now. We all deal with tragedy in different ways, I suppose.

Special thanks to everybody's Drunken Stepfather

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