 COULTER'S CONTINUING THE CRAZY: IS BILL CLINTON A FAIRY OR JUST AN ASSHOLE?
I've mentioned before that I've long had my eye on Ann Coulter. Some of you might be perplexed by this, but I contend that few things are anywhere near as neat as crazy girls with beautiful tits. Say what you will about her being overly skinny (assuming that there is such a thing), not having a particularly attractive face, or even her political opinions. There is no denying that she has a superiour rack on her.
The fact that Coulter is mentally ill only makes her more attractive to me. Crazy girls may be a huge pain the ass to deal with on a daily basis, but they're always interesting and more often than not they're great in the sack. And few things are more important than that. As someone with his share of experience with beautifully beknockered psychopaths, I can tell you that the results are mixed, but still worthwhile.
When Ann's on a book tour, the crazy gets ratcheted up several notches. Watching her on TV is one of the great joys of my life, if for no other reason than you know at some point she'll say something that you would find more appropriate in a Manson parole hearing. I don't know what Enjoy Every Sandwich would be without crazy people and Ann Coulter is one of the craziest.
For some reason, Coulter appeared on CNBC's The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch last night. I'm not sure why because your average blog has a bigger audience than Donny Deutsch does. Ann should just let me interview her. Granted, most of our time together would be spent discussing her milkbags and the mess I'd like to make on them, but the number of viewers would be as great or greater than she'd reach on The Big Idea.
The fact that no one watches Donny Deutsch's dopey show didn't stop her from appearing on it, though. It also didn't stop her from bringing the crazy, either. Although she was a little shyer about it than usual.
As is true with most conversations with Coulter, the topic quickly shifted to former President Bill Clinton. Ann really can't seem to get around the fact that Clinton hasn't been president in some time now. But, like the rest of us, she remains fascinated by his sex life.
Dan Riehl has the story.
DEUTSCH: Off the air, you were talking about Bill Clinton. Is there anything you want to say about Clinton? No?
Ms. ANN COULTER: No.
DEUTSCH: OK. All right. Did you find him attractive? Was that what it was?
Ms. COULTER: No!
DEUTSCH: You don't find him attractive?
Ms. COULTER: No. OK, fine, I'll say it on air.
DEUTSCH: Most women find him attractive.
Ms. COULTER: No.
DEUTSCH: OK, say it on air.
Ms. COULTER: I think that sort of rampant promiscuity does show some level of
latent homosexuality.
DEUTSCH: OK, I think you need to say that again. That Bill Clinton, you think
on some level, has--is a latent homosexual, is that what you're saying?
Ms. COULTER: Yeah. I mean, not sort of just completely anonymous--I don't know if you read the Starr report, the rest of us were glued to it, I have many
passages memorized. No, there was more plot and dialogue in a porno movie.
 Now I've said my share of vicious things about President Clinton. I've said your share, too. And I'm proud of each and every thing I've said.
However, I'm something of an anomoly among Clinton-haters. I prefer to keep my loathing righteous and pure. Accordingly, I like to stay focused on the facts. That's why I never went with any of the more bizarre assertions made by some conservatives. You know the ones I'm talking about. "Clinton was running cocaine when he was governor of Arkansas", "Clinton had 38 people killed before 1992", "Clinton had Vince Foster killed" and "Clinton father a child with a black prosititute." Those are all silly accusations and they all come from people like Jerry Falwell, who I hate even more more than President Clinton. I was never much for the The Clinton Chronicles. All that accomplished was that it made everyone who detests the Clintons look nuts. And I resolved as a child that if I was going to look nuts, it would be for much more interesting reasons than Bill and Hillary.
Ann Coulter, on the other hand, has no problem looking nuts.
When I first saw the story this morning, I had to double-check to make sure that Ann was referring to the same Bill Clinton that I remember - you know, the one that was twice elected President of the United States. It turns out that she was. Yes, according to Ann, that Bill Clinton is a fairy. And he wasn't even in *NSYNC.
There doesn't seem to be anything "latent" about President Clinton, especially not his sexuality. It's not like there's a shortage of women out there to refute Coulter's point. It seems to me that if you want to call Clinton a homo, you'd have to go through the following women to do it;
- Hillary Clinton
- Dolly Kyle Browning
- Gennifer Flowers
- Elizabeth Ward Gracen
- Sally Perdue
- Paula Jones
- Kathleen Willey
- Monica Lewinsky
And that, my friends, is the short list. Because the BBC article cited above was written before her allegation that she was raped by then-Arkansas Attorney General Clinton in 1978, Juanita Broderick isn't included on the list. To suggest that anyone who likes to fuck a lot of women is a latent homosexual is patently absurd. Most men are by definition promiscous. Those who aren't are almost always afraid of the consequences. If you asked most men if they could fuck everyone they wanted without the resulting nastiness, the overwhelming majority would say that they would. That's just the way we roll. Males are very adept at seperating sex from love and the only reason we don't more often is that women won't let us. Which is why straight men envy George Michael so much. 
Coulter does make a point though, she's just too crazy to make it coherently. You can't suggest that someone's promiscuity indicates homosexuality, but you can make the case that their misogyny does. I'm not implying that Clinton is gay, latently or otherwise, but it is clear that he doesn't like women very much. Anyone who studies Bill Clinton's life and career at any length quickly learns that women are the most disposable parts of both. Yes, President Clinton signed the Family and Medical Leave Act upon assuming office. But he also signed the 1996 Welfare Reform Act, which dispropotionately hurt single mothers. If Clinton had a political appointee in trouble, he was far more likely to fight for men than he was for women. As president, Clinton went to the mat for people like Mike Espy and Henry Cisneros - who were accused of serious crimes - while nominees like Zoe Baird, Kimba Wood, Lani Guinier and Joycelyn Elders were immediately thrown over the side for being politically inconvienent. Of course, politics is a shitty business and only fools enter it expecting to be treated nicely. Sex is something else altogether. I suspect that I'm not unique among men in liking the women I've been intimate with. Most men do not go out of their way to humiliate their sex partners in front of the entire world. President Clinton did so with shocking regularlity. 
The President's Democratic defenders constantly intoned that "everybody lies about sex." This is true, but as Christopher Hitchens has pointed out, they do so in the Victorian tradition of protecting the woman's reputation. When Clinton lied about sex, he did so in a way to make the woman look as craven, greedy and mentally unstable as humanly possible. Worse still, he had others do it for him. James Carville described Paula Jones' civil-rights lawsuit as "dragging a hundred dollar bill through a trailer park." In the early days of the Lewinsky scandal, the President of the United States told numerous staffers that he was being blackmailed by a crazy intern, knowing that they would testify accordingly under oath and , more importantly, in the media. Furthermore, that was the official line of the Clinton defense in the first month of the scandal - a time, I should remind you, when Lewinsky was refusing to co-operate with the Office of Independent Counsel. When he was governor of Arkansas, Clinton's Chief of Staff, Betsey Wright, referred to Clinton's women coming forward as "bimbo eruptions." During the 1992 campaign, and in the White House, Clinton's political staff called their defense against accusations the "sluts and nuts" strategy. Since it is the president's relationship with Lewinsky that we know the most about, it is that relationship that tells us the most about his attitude toward women. President Clinton's defense against perjury in the Jones civil suit was that he did not have "sexual relations as defined by the court" with Monica Lewinsky. That definition was very specific. It was "a person engages in 'sexual relations' when the person knowingly engages in or causes...contact with the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of any person with an intent to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person." Since Clinton maintained that he never touched Lewinsky those places in that way with that intention (a contention she disputed), she had "sexual relations" with him, but he did not have them with her. But he went further than that in his sworn testimony in the Jones deposition. In fact, he said; Q. Did you have an extramarital sexual affair with Monica Lewinsky?
A. No.
Q. If she told someone that she had a sexual affair with you beginning in November of 1995, would that be a lie?
A. It's certainly not the truth. It would not be the truth.
Q. I think I used the term "sexual affair." And so the record is completely clear, have you ever had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, as that term is defined in Deposition Exhibit 1, as modified by the Court.
MR. BENNETT: I object because I don't know that he can remember.
JUDGE WRIGHT: Well, it's real short. He can - I will permit the question and you may show the witness definition number one.
A. I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her. Even if you believe the president's extraordinarily narrow definition of "sexual relations" - which Judge Wright did not, finding him in civil contempt, which forced him to relinquish his license to practice law for five years - he also said that he did not have an "extramarital affair" or a "sexual affair." That begs the question: if it wasn't an affair, what exactly was it? If Clinton's later, only slightly more truthful recollections of the relationship before the grand jury are to be believed (and those recollections are disputed by both Lewinsky and the Starr Report), then he viewed Monica as a warm mouth with a humidor between its legs and very little else.  That's a pretty harsh way to think of someone who would do something as nice as go out of her way to give repeated blowjobs, don't you think?
But it never really was about the blowjob for President Clinton, was it? In her unrefuted testimony before a federal grand jury, Monica testified that during the majority of their encounters, she would go down on him until his climax approached, at which time his would finish himself off - frequently in another room. She litterally had to beg him to allow her to share in the experience until he ultimately relented. Further, the president used an manipulated Lewinsky in alluding to a future relationship once he was out of office and promises to bring her back to the White House after the 1996 election that he had no intention of fufilling. This, one can assume , he did so that she might continue servicing him and his truly bizarre sexual appetites. In mid-1997, he no longer required those services and disposed of her until she was subpeoned in Jones v. Clinton. Once the relationship became public in January of 1998, Clinton subjected her to a year long legal nightmare that threatened to jail both her and her mother and put her in debt to the tune of three million dollars. Perhaps even worse, the president and his surrogates defamed Lewinsky in the media by saying that she was "a stalker." It was a full eight and a half months later, nearly six weeks after admitting the relationship to the nation, that he offered Monica Lewinsky any kind of apology for what he did to her life. Now on Planet Coulter, that might make Clinton queer, but on Earth it makes him a narcissitic, misogynist asshole. On the other hand, what the fuck do I know? Broads still love the fucking guy. Hat-tip to the Ace of Spades HQ and Rhiel World View Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Dirty Women (Live) By: Black Sabbath From: Reunion Permalink
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