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Sunday, December 04, 2005
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 THE GIRLS OF PORN, PART 2: SILVIA SAINT
(Editor's Note: I strongly suggest that you run your browser arrow over and each and every link herein if you happen to be reading this post from work. If the arrow shows a blog link, then it's safe for work. If it does not, assume that you should wait until you're at home and pantless before clicking.
Aren't I wonderful for warning you about this?)
Back in March, I started what I thought would be a regular feature on this blog, the Girls of Porn. I didn't get much feedback from my first installment on the incomperable Nikita Denise, either in my comments or via e-mail. This made me reluctant to rectivate the feature. Besides, I recognize that the overwhelming majority of you teenagers are dumb enough to read this blog from work. That kind of worries me. As much as I enjoy bringing the funny, I don't necessarily enjoy it enough to cost anyone their jobs. There's an eagltarianism about me that compells the ladies among you to want to give me long, slow, sloppy head, isn't there? Come on, it won't hurt anyone to admit it.
Before any of you point it out for me, I'll admit that, yes, I've written about porn stars since March 14, 2005. But I hve always done so within the context of Big Important News Stories. These stories famously include Jenna Jameson possibly making a film with Iron Mike Tyson and Shy Love selling some non-quality time on eBay. Just because there are dopey things like elections and wars in the Middle East going on, that shouldn't mean that I hide the really important stories from you.
But that shouldn't be an excuse from not continuing the art appreciation that the Girls of Porn was supposed to be. It is one thing to pontificate on Breaking News and quite another to bring you my deep thoughts on the pure aesthestic pleasure that the Secular Saints of the Adult Entertainment Industry bring us all.
And if one is to write about saints, it stands to reason that one should begin with Silvia Saint.  http://www.geocities.com/skippystalin2006/silvia_saint_dressed4_smaller.jpg"> While Nikita Denise is my favorite of all porn stars, Silvia Saint is easily the most beautiful. Ye fucking Christ, just look at that face! Miss Saint is undoubtedly the most naturally beautiful women ever to enter the pornography business. While most porno sluts are acceptably attractive, Silvia is angelically beautiful. She could've become a Supermodel just as easily as she became a famous cock-monger.
At this point, we should all bow our heads in praise to the beatific Baby Jesus that Silvia Saint chose the latter path over the former. Can I get a "hallelejuah?" Of course I can. To suggest that you good folks wouldn't join me in praising the Good Lord for Silvia Saint's career choices would be to suggest that my readers are less than Truly Serious People. And we all know that this couldn't be further from the Truth.
Like Nikita Denise, Silvia Saint is a native of the Czech Republic. I don't know what it is about Eastern Europe generally, and the Czech Republic specifically, that produces the most georgeous, wildest porn stars, but whatever it is, God Bless them. It could be the non-floridated water, it could be the first deep breath of freedom, I don't know. Christ, for all I know the government might be holding cocksucking and assfucking classes in some suburb of Prague. Who knows and who cares? Just be thankful that the Czech Republic is there for us all.
http://www.geocities.com/skippystalin2006/silvia_saint16_smaller.jpg"> For Christ's sake, just look at this woman! She is immaculate! If anything, she's too perfect for porn. On top of having the most beautiful face ever, she is gifted with one of the greatest bodies in human history. Just look at that spectacular ass, an ass I could eat dinner off until the day I die. Oh, how I would eat my greens, knowing that that filthy center awaited me for dessert!
And my, how she loves to abuse that ass. Like Nikita Denise, Silvia can't seem to get through a day without getting pounded in the dumper. Hard. If more women took the Czech National Attitude Toward Butt Sex, we'd all be much closer to living as a brotherhood of man. If more women were more giving with their anuses, men everywhere would enjoy that "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" that the Eagles sang of so long ago and war would be a thing of the past.
Then there are her breasts. If those are implants (which I'm not entirely sure of), then they are the second greatest implants in Human History! If they are, they're supassed only by those of Janine Lindemuller. The only reason that I know that Janine has fake titties is through nearly 17 years of dilligent research. Okay, I'm lying. Janine was the Penthouse Pet of the Year Runner-Up in 1989, before she got her new hooters.
As much as I'd like to think otherwise, my overwhelming awe of Silvia Saint does not make her immune from criticism. I wish it could be otherwise, but alas, we don't live in a perfect world.
Silvia made her name with a European company called Private Video. Europeans have a decidedly wrong attitude toward pornography that is, while not quite Japanese, is extremely off-putting. Europeans are big on the gang-bang and, failing that, the double team. In perusing the Private catalogue, it is difficult to find a scene with Silvia and just one man. More frequently than not, you'll find her with two men, if not more.
This shocks and horrifies me for more than one reason. Firstly, as an avid consumer of pornography, I needn't be reminded that other men have bigger penises than I do. I certainly don't need to know that you can gather a bunch of them in one room at one time. That's awfully discouraging when I'm trying to sell myself as a sex-master to Dewey in Toronto. On the other hand, since she loves her vodka, she might not notice that I'm hung like a three year old.
Then there's the issue of so much penis in one place. If I'm spending my hard-earned money on a Silvia Saint feature, it's because I want to see as much of her as possible. If I wanted to see yards and yards of cock, I'd be buying gay porn. But that goes to my argument that all European men are latently homosexual, and I have neither the time or energy to enter into that debate now. However, since I'm such a "glass-half-full-kinda guy, I'll leave this segement with this observation; since she can take so much of it in a 15 minute period, there can be no doubt that Miss Saint loves penis with a passion.
While the wanton gang-bangery that Silvia Saint places her as a second to Nikita Denise in my pantheon of porn - and as much as I'm sure that this breaks her precious heart - I'll always have time to pull my penis out and gratify myself while watching her art.
And really, what more could a woman want?
PermalinkLabels: The Girls of Porn
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