ON A CLASSINESS SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, RUDY GIULIANI IS A 9/11!
Running for the Republican presidential nomination is a pretty complicated thing when you're Rudolph Giuliani. First, you have to convince a majority of primary voters and convention delegates that you're not significantly to the left of them on issues that don't involve killing foreigners in large numbers. This is further complicated by the fact that you are.
Indeed, you have to magically have them forget that your position on most social issues makes you the dream Democrat.
Actually, on gay marriage and gun rights, Giuliani would make the perfect running mate for John Edwards. And it wasn't too very long ago that Rudy was significantly to the left of Edwards on guns. As mayor of New York, Giuliani bitched incessently that President Clinton's 1994 assault weapons ban wasn't tough enough and even went on to sue gun manufacturers. Shit, John Edwards didn't go that far and he used to sue people for a fucking living!
Here's a stroll down memory lane for you.
Memories are wonderful things, aren't they? I can't blame anyone for forgetting about that. It was all the way back on June 20, 2000.
Compare that to this from last Friday.
I sure am glad that the third Mrs. Giuliani called in before Rudy could further tell the members of the NRA that he doesn't understand them and how they're indirectly responsible for the murder of New York City cops.
Okay, you got me. Hizzoner wasn't going to say that at all. He was actually going to kiss their asses in the most nonsensical and humiliating way imaginable. It was an about-face so waterheaded that it probably made Mitt Romney burst out into tears of jealousy.
Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani on Friday said Americans' right to own guns is as important as free speech in remarks to a powerful gun advocacy group that has long viewed him with suspicion.
Giuliani acknowledged his differences with the National Rifle Association, a group he once referred to as "extremists." As New York mayor, Giuliani initiated a lawsuit against U.S. firearms manufacturers.
"You never get a candidate you agree with 100 percent," Giuliani told an NRA convention in Washington, then chuckling, "I'm not even sure I agree with myself 100 percent."
How about a candidate without a history of calling you cop-killing extremists? Is that really so much to ask? Given his past positions on the NRA, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he addressed the next NAMBLA convention and said, "You are sick, twisted bastards, but that shouldn't stop you from voting for me." This guy is turning into Mayor Quimby with a lisp.
While I'm sure that the NRA is pleased as punch to see Rudy embrace the Second Amendment, they should know that Giuliani has a slightly more ... elastic view of what a right is before they get too happy.
Giuliani touted himself as a law-and-order candidate and defended himself from NRA criticism over the 2000 lawsuit, saying it was necessary to reduce crime in New York.
Because the Bill of Rights didn't apply to New York City in 2000? Is it okay to subvert the Constitution because the mayor says that it's "necessary?" Wow, President Bush has had an even more profoundly cancerous effect on the GOP than I previously thought.
But before we get any further into Rudy's "strict constructionalism," let's hear what changed his mind about gun rights.
He said the September 11 attacks made him believe more strongly in the constitutional right for Americans to possess weapons to defend themselves -- but he pointedly left himself open to changing positions if elected.
I'm not sure I follow. I know that a .357 Magnum is a pretty powerful weapon, but I doubt that it would do very much against a 757 Boeing product careening at the office tower you occupy at 500 miles per hour. Of course, Giuliani could be arguing that airline passengers should be allowed to carry firearms. But that would be the single craziest fucking thing I've ever heard. It also would have made those boxcutters sort of unnecessary for al-Qaeda.
It could lead to a great bumper sticker, though: "When Guns In Church Aren't Enough For You, Vote Republican."
"You should know I understand that the right to bear arms is just as important a right in that Constitution as the right of free speech and the other rights ... It's not going to change, unless something dramatic has happened to make it change, and then I'll explain to you why," he said.
I hope by "something dramatic," he means "two-thirds of each house of Congress and ratification by three-quarters of the states." Otherwise, Rudy is so much scarier than even I had imagined. And I've seen him in a dress. More than once.
It was merely amusing when Rudy was opportunistically pandering to anyone who would listen to his shrill, self-satisfied nonsense in the hopes that he might win a few extra votes in Iowa. But he's gone far, far beyond that now. Giuliani is now going before conservative audiences and openly declaring that he will ignore the United States Constitution whenever circumstances make doing so conveinient. And as he does so, he paints himself as the heir to the Reagan legacy.
To make such an argument is merely laughably empty-headed and dangerous. To invoke 9/11 as a justification is an obscenity in both constitutional and human terms.
Let's explore Rudy's views on the War on Terror in their feeble-minded totality, shall we? According to Rudy, the terrorists attacked America because they hate its freedom. Yet, a President Giuliani would limit those freedoms, presumably unilaterally, when "something drastic" happens. On the bright side, it would then follow that America would no longer be as free and would not be as hated by the terrorists, making everyone live happily ever after. Except for maybe Norway, which would be levelled by al-Qaeda for its freedom.
Okay, I take everything I've said about Rudy back. The man is the master strategist of the War on Terror. His theory is so fucking dumb that it might just be brilliant.
Obviously, exploiting 9/11 for political gain in areas completely unrelated to national security is perfectly acceptable because it will get Rudy elected and that'll make America safe.
Which probably goes a long way in explaining this.
A supporter of Rudy Giuliani's is throwing a party that aims to raise $9.11 per person for the Republican's presidential campaign.
Abraham Sofaer is having a fundraiser at his Palo Alto, Calif., home on Wednesday, when Giuliani backers across the country are participating in the campaign's national house party night.
But Sofaer said he had nothing to do with the "$9.11 for Rudy" theme.
Jesus. Fucking. God. That might be the crassest, most disgusting, god-awful thing I've ever heard. What are they going to do for a show-stopper, bury a fire fighter after the weenie roast? Give the kids model airplanes and Mohammed Atta action figures?
Hopefully, the people at Giuliani for President 2008 have declared that they will accept none of that money and sent a note to the organizers asking them to go fuck themselves in the most forceful way possible.
Giuliani's campaign had no immediate comment.
According to the invitation, "$9.11 for Rudy" is an "independent, non-denominational grass-roots campaign to raise $10,000 in small increments to show how many individual, everyday Americans support 'America's Mayor.'"
There you have it, "$9.11 for Rudy." It really finally has come to this, hasn't it? The single most devastating terrorist attack in human history has been cheapened to this extent. And it only took six years - a new record.
And the Giuliani cmpaign had "no immediate comment." I think that's all the comment you need on what their priorities are. There's absolutely nothing left to say when it comes to what Rudy Giuliani's values are. This is a man who told Ground Zero recovery workers that he put himself at the same risk they did, despite the fact that he spent a grand total of 28 hours at the former World Trade Center over the course of a year. He spent more time at Yankee Stadium than he did at Ground Zero. But he's "one of them."
I didn't think it was possible to top the callowness of Mitt Romney's remark that his sons are sacrificing for America by getting him elected president, which is just like serving in Iraq. I was wrong. Knowing about "$9.11 for Rudy" and having no comment whatsoever is a new low in an industry founded upon the low and tawdry.
Forget politics, Mr. Mayor. Try to look at this as a human being for just a second. 3,000 people were murdered for no other reason than because they went to work that morning and that has now become a cheap tag line for a political fund-raiser held in your name. Over three hundred of your police and firemen ran into those buildings and were either burned alive or crushed under millions of tons of concrete and steel. And your goddamn fucking political organizers are no longer even pretending that those people are anything more than political props.
If nothing else, we've learned what the memory of those who died - and your own soul - is worth to you.
Nine dollars and eleven cents.
As much as I love politics, I've been outraged and disgusted by it more often than not. But this is the first time I've actually been ashamed of it. Mr. Giuliani, I'm ashamed of it because you might actually win and you could very well be the most shameless person to ever run for president. I'm ashamed of it because you refuse to be ashamed of yourself.
Fuck partisanship and fuck politics. As a human being, I'll have no other choice but to support Hillary Clinton if the Republican Party gives Rudolph Giuliani its presidential nomination. That man seems almost detemined to break America's heart and I won't have any part of it.
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What People Are Saying About skippy
"hands down, Canada's most underrated blog" Damian Penny, The Undisputed Dean of Canadian Political Bloggers. Posted at Daimnation , Saturday October 21, 2006
"You can count on “Skippy” to make you think in different ways about familiar issues. You can also depend on him to be rude, offensive, and outrageous – if you're offended by completely uninhibited sexual imagery (and imagination!), don't read Skippy – but your prudery will keep you from an often interesting perspective." Posted On: Jamulblog, July 12, 2007
"Your Maximum Leader is beginning to think that the less he posts, the better Skippy’s political posts are. Indeed, your Maximum Leader even thought (just a few short moments ago) that if your Maximum Leader just stopped blogging all together would Skippy just keep on writing enough good material for two blogs? (Admittedly one of those blogs would be an X-rated social commentary/diary site and the second a remarkably well-informed and insightful political commentary site…)" Posted On: Naked Villainy, September 18, 2007
"I love your writing. few could pull off sarcastic humor and self-loathing like you do. You've turned self-disgust
into an art form." Posted By:Ophelia July 19, 2003
"hahaha um, not funny" Posted By: Ophelia July 17, 2003
"This is not fucking funny." Posted By: Bee August 21, 2003
"I join Bee in saying that this isn''t funny AT ALL. jesus christ, Skippy." Posted By: Ophelia August 23,
2003
"You are obiviously being kept down by the Mud People." Posted By: DrReverend August 21, 2003
"I''ll give you $50.00 if you kill yourself." Posted By: DrReverend August 19, 2003
"Last time I read this blog." Posted By: Dave, October 24, 2003
"I think you should stop talking about killing yourself and ACTUALLY kill yourself. For fuck's sake, everybody is
tired of hearing about how you might, just do it or face the fact that you are too pathetic to even kill yourself."
Posted By: A Caring Guy, October 25, 2003
"If Joey Ramone were alive today he'd probably shit in your mouth." Posted By: DrReverend November 11,
"When you're good, you're good. When you're bad, you're even better. See you in hell." Posted By: Anna
November 11, 2003
"Skippy, if you can prove to me that giving head and swallowing will without a doubt keep lung cancer and heart
disease at bay, you've earned yourself a BJ." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious, December 5, 2003
"Wow...you know nothing about politics." Posted Dr. Reverend, December 26, 2003
"You are a dick and should think seriously about killing your stupid blog - go get a job, you big fag"Posted
By: Princess Paragonian, December 29, 2003
"You have a, how shall i say.... appealing 'tough', yet gently gay look." (Univited PM) Posted
by:Jus20012002, January 2, 2004 .
"I hope jesus doesn't kick you in the nuts."Posted By: Mary Magdalicious February 2, 2004
"Stumbled on to your blog by accident and i must say alot of the stuff had me in stitches. Love it" Posted
By:Jeremy February 4, 2004
" .....sick."Posted By: Bee February 7, 2004
"Hey Skippy, you ever consider running for public office in the states? I know some people in the West Virginia state
government and our Senator can't live forever.Hell, even Strom, Thomas-Jefferson-Fan, Thurmond died
eventually.Posted By: Ford W. Mavrick, February 9, 2004
Wow, for someone who is so opinionated, you really don't know shit about American or Canadian culture. You appear to
know even less about history." Posted By: Dr. Reverend February 13, 2004
"Your blog's the best I have come across in a long time. I may not agree with all you say but the verve with which
you say it and the humour and irreverance is terrific. These days when the media just reproduces the handout from central
control, blogs like yours do a great deal to form informed opinion in a democratic society. Thanks. Keep it up."
Posted By:Anandan February 13, 2004
"SKIPPY pities ME? Where's my noose?" Posted By: Kilgore Trout March 22, 2004
"Jesus Skippy. Now Allah is going to kick you in the nuts" Posted By: Mary Magdalicious March 22, 2004
"I could make one that says "Skippy has a small penis" although his cock is superb. Posted By: Bestest Pussy March 23,2004
"Cunt sucking is for bitches.You're considered one of the girls because you dress like one. Posted By: Dr. Reverend March 24, 2004
"John Malkovich is one sexy bastard. I have such a thing for him. And I never realized til now, Skippy, how much you resemble John Malkovich...this, by default, makes you also one sexy bastard. See how that works?" Posted By: Zombie March, 26, 2004
"Too bad you live up north. It could have been beautiful.
Ever since I started coming here and saw your pic I wondered why you weren't getting more action. You are not a bad looking guy at all.
Maybe the girls are just...well, that's enough kindness for one day." Posted By: Serenity March 26, 2004
"Hell, if they make gay marriage legal, I'll marry you..." Posted By: Outpatient March 26, 2004
"You look creepier than the REM faggot. But he looks much more like a homersexual." Posted By: Dr. Reverend March 27, 2004
"Skippy, your hits will go up again if you post pictures of your man nipples. Lots of man nips." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious April 15, 2004
"What the fuck? You turning faggot? Posted By: Dr. Reverend April 16, 2004
"Sometimes it gets to be just a little too much. Sharing, that is." Posted By: Bee May 23, 2004
"I'll give you $5.00 if you make the fucking font you use on your blog bigger.
I'll give you $50.00 if you stop fucking writing about American politics.
I'll give you $500.00 if you fucking kill youself." Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 26, 2004
"Of course women like jerks.
Why the fuck do you think they like me?
I guess you've learned nothing from me over all these years." Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 29, 2004
"Sometimes a bitch just has to die." Posted By: Ford W. Maverick May 29, 2004
"It looks like we have more in common than the swastikas carved in our foreheads."Posted By: Dr. Reverend May 29, 2004
"This might be a shallow and 'Waiting-for-Godot-like' comment but...you seem to have not only brains but also beauty." Posted By: Nietzscheswife June 7, 2004
"Skippy, you are such a twisted bastard. Seriously. Why haven't we had sex yet?"Posted By: 0phelia June 25, 2004
"Just found your site. I find some of the things you say quite disgusting. And really quite enjoyable,so keep up the good work."Posted By: Big Al June 28, 2004
"I've read most of your blog. I'd say that so far it's the best I've come across, and believe me, I've seen a few. It's funny, well written (except for the spelling...) and interesting. There will always be those few idiots who just don't get it. It's useless to get worked up about it." Posted By: Johnny June 30, 2004
"Skippy... Go for the facial tattoo. I dig em', and fuck what those other bitches think. You can always bite their tits off if they back talk you." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious July 1, 2004
"Go fuck yourself up your butt." Posted By: Reek Stankleberry July 6, 2004
"Well if ass-fucking won't keep Satan away, I just don't know what will." Posted By: Dr. Reverend July 7, 2004
"dude, you're killing me. keep it up." Posted By: Son of Nixon July 22, 2004
"Are you always either naked or in a suit?" Posted By: Rehella July 22, 2004
"That person should speak for himself or herself. 'Cause you really are that much of a cunt, skippy." Posted By: Kilgore Trout August 4, 2004
"I've read you for a long time but have never commented before. That isn't a slight to your great writing ability, it's mainly because I don't want to be seen here!" Posted By: Paul August 4, 2004
" Dead on. Bulls-eye. I take back what I said about you being a cunt. For now." Posted By: Kilgore Trout August 4, 2004
"Know what, Skippy? You're alright." Posted By: Anna August 18, 2004
"Excellent work. Damn you for being so dead on." Posted By: The Maximum Leader August 24, 2004
"Skippy, fuck the puppy idea. Try getting a monkey that smokes. That will get you laid." Posted By: Mary Magdalicious August 27, 2004
"As to the beard - I like the clean shaven better - and what's wrong with a bald head? Bald heads are hot on some guys - unfortunately most can't pull it off * sigh * You look like you can pull it off though and that's a good thing - not a bad.
BTW, love your blog. I saw it in my referrers and thought it was just a random hit. Then I started reading and found you to be hilarious - it was only after about 10 posts that I noticed you linked me. I was more than flattered - linked by someone I was about to link anyway - awesome. Thanks" Posted By: Kinky August 27, 2004
"Fuckin' Goy bastard." Posted By: Dr Reverend December 19,2004
"Who does a guy have to sleep with to get one of his Skippy quotes pasted to the sidebar?
Great googly-moogly." Posted By: Smallholder December 20, 2004
"Are you a child molester or what's the story?" Posted By: Fukinator, December 28, 2004
"Sick dude." Posted By: DCayer December 29, 2004
"You officially suck." Posted By: Sorry, January 22, 2005
"I heart you, Skippy" Posted By: Karinsky, January 25, 2005
"As I've stated before, you were quite skilled in bed and I had no need to fake any of my multiple orgasms." Posted By: 0phelia, June 30, 2005
"I love Skippy. I swear I do. The only blogger more twisted than me." Posted on: Velociworld, July 26, 2005
" You are so fucking ignorant about America. And while the American people ARE stupid, so are you." Posted By: Bill Lassiter, August 2, 2005
"How can you not love a man who hates himself so viciously?" Posted on: It's All About De , August 31, 2005
"If I wasn't positive that all Canadian men had tiny penises, I'd be all over that Skippy." Posted On: It's All About De
"I've seen pictures of you and I'd say you're fuckable." Posted By: Joan, September 29, 2005
" I love your posts on Canadian politics even more than I love your posts on porn.
And I love your porn posts.
Why the hell do you waste all this talent on the internet? Write a book or something, goddammit! Posted By: Cliff S., November 17, 2005
"Let it never be said that underneath your self-cavilling, bitter (yet strangely egomaniacal) surface that you never take the time to give the people what they want. Even if it's just one people. Gawd bless you, Skippy! Posted By: Locke, November 18, 2005
"Wow! I don't know that I've ever been flattered and yet somewhat revolted at the same time... It's an interesting sensation." Posted By: Dewey in Toronto, December 1, 2005
"Very often, debating you is like playing whack a mole: You pop up some premised assertion moles, I pull out my mallet and start whacking, then you pop up more premised assertion moles - which are mostly or completely unrelated to the original moles I was whacking at. Your stock of moles seemingly stretches into infinity. And yet, an endless supply of moles does not equate to cogent argument.
Very often, debating you is like speaking to a salesman who will not answer a particular direct question, and instead flies off on the flight of rhetorical splendor known as "baffling them with bullshit." I'm impressed with your rhetorical skills, and your IQ, and your accumulation of knowledge. I'm impressed that I'm the American citizen, yet you might have a more thorough knowledge of the American Constitution than I. And yet, these impressive things are not substitutes for cogent argument."Posted By; gcotharn, December 21, 2005
"Besides, you seem to think you're the least respectable person I know. While you're often right, you're wrong on that count. Careful, I might out YOU as a nice guy. Or something." Posted By: Dewey In Toronto, December 27, 2005
"I've been to Toronto. The most dangerous thing I saw there was an 11 foot tall red head with shaved balls."Posted By: Judy, December 31, 2005
"There was this "Caught on Tape!" video I watched back in my highschool days where one of the scenes shows two people starting to cross the railroad tracks. One looks up at the last minute and sees the train, the other does not. In the commercial, it cuts away just before the train does its thing, but the video...
Your blog is like a twisted version of the video. We know the train is going liquify you in shocking gory fashion, but that's why we keep coming back. It's so much more fun that we both know the train is coming and you still gleefully walk into its path...and we love you all the more for it." Posted By:Locke, January 13, 2006
"Fuck. I'm hooked." Posted By: DeAnna, January 14, 2006
"Your Maximum Leader has found Skippy's commentary more insightful and interesting than anyone elses. So now he supposes that Skippy will go back to writing about porn and strippers he meets in the subway." Posted By: The Maximum Leader on Naked Villainy January 24, 2006
"Slightly crazed is fine, but with the beard you look like a total nutjob. If you ever hope to get laid again, for fuck's sake, Skippy, NEVER, EVER grow a saddam beard. You're welcome."Posted By: The Lady O, 28 January, 2006
"Maybe we should get married. My readers could support us by purchasing my worn panties and you could be the panty pimp." Posted By; Joan 28 January 2006
" I know it must be hard for you...being objectified by women all the time. But come on, how can they really help themselves? Have you seen yourself lately? Your pheramones preceed you into a room (as does your crotch). Don't blame it all on them...you did choose to leave your house. :D" Posted By: Joan, 3 February, 2006
"Skippy, you sarcastic twerp." Posted By: Arwen, 8 February 2006
"Just so you know.. if I had to choose between Moussaoui or Skippy.. You'd win. Even if I know what an asshole you are. Posted By; Judy, 13 February 2006
"I'd be willing to sign a legal document stating that is IS ok, in fact, to masturbate whilst thinking of me." Posted By: DeAnna (Who seems unaware of my reputation as an outlaw) February 24, 2006
"Feel free to masturbate while thinking of me...actually, do you need some of my panties to help you with that?" Posted By: Joan, February 24, 2006
"I blame myself for this. I have been too lenient with you. Your Godless behaviour must come to an end. You will receive a severe beating this weekend and I am contemplating removing your testicles." Posted By: Dr. Reverend, February 24, 2006
"Just remember skippy, the US never threw a fit when you smuggled your own personal WMD over the border twice a year. After all, it wasn't like you were hiding in your pants or anything.
All's fair in love and war, so to speak." Posted By: Judy, April 4, 2006
"Wow...nothing hotter than a man willing to issue fatwas for pussy." Posted By: Joan, April 16, 2006
"You sir, are a brilliant writer." Posted By: Judy, May 4, 2006
"I think I'm falling in love." Posted By: DeAnna, May 11, 2006
"THIS IS THE MOST DIABOLICAL FALSITY YOU HAVE EVER ENGAGED IN!!!!
I was intending to kick you in the face upon our next meeting, but now it's obvious that I must douse your scrotum in kerosene and set your testicles aflame. Alas, it is the only way you will learn." Posted By: Dr. Reverend, May 12, 2006
"And i would like to commend you on some excellent blogging. This particular story would normally warrant a few cryptically humorous lines and a link. To an ordinary blogger. But you managed to wring an essay of New Yorker-esque proportions out of it. That takes talent. Your beautiful young friend is right. I see big things for you in the future." Posted By: Annika, June 4, 2006
" I like a man who will unabashedly tell someone his penis size because hes unashamed. Thats hot.
*raises hand* I'll take that 6.5, thank ya" Posted By: Kinky, June 6, 2006
"Elvis, like skippy, is the very definition of rock and roll. Posted By: Rube, June 10, 2006
" I'm beginning to think you're the only good man left in the world, skippy. WTF?" Posted By: By: DeAnns, June 11, 2006
"Just so everyone knows.
Skippy does indeed, taste like bacon.
And, any guy who doesn't know cum tastes good to real women, is clueless." Posted By: Judy, July 2, 2006
"There was a British columnist whose work was described as 'a suicide note in weekly installments.'
This blog is sort of like that." Posted By: Gadfly, July 6, 2006
"Jeez, Skippy. Sometimes I really hate coming here." Posted By: Cynlee, July 18, 2006
"Someone needs to throttle you with a riding crop...truly!" Posted By: Joan, July 18, 2006
"Holy mother of god. I just had an orgasm. It's official: I'm devoting the rest of my life to you, skippy." Posted By: DeAnna, July 19, 2006
"Skippy, sometimes I'm not quite sure of your sanity, but you are without a doubt the baddest morning news reading, quiz show hosting, talent introducing PIMP in the motherfuckin' blogosphere." Posted By: Shank, July 19, 2006
