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Friday, May 19, 2006
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 SUSAN SARANDON IS A LIBERAL LOUDMOUTH, ALSO HAS SPECTACUAR KNOCKERS
Susan Sarandon has been in the film industry for as long as sound has. For those who remember the silent film of the monkey who was rendered dizzy and unconcious by her magnificent milkbags know that movies haven't been as perfect since. Not only do these things make her an old hand at movie making, they also make her very old.
While her official biography states that she was born October 4, 1946, it keeps from you all that it was actually 1946 BC. Yes, she is older than time itself, but she has boobies for the ages. This forgives the fact a prospective paramour would need to carbon date one of her farts or spend months counting rings to gauge just out how old she is. The jubiliation of those jutting jugs makes one forget that their owner once babysat Moses.
None of this should be taken to mean that one should discriminate against older women. I assure you all that the greatest sex ever is to be gotten from ladies of a certain vintage. Although the vintage I'm most closely acquainted with is 1957 and a b-cup, 1946 with double D's seems pretty spectacular, too. Don't knock it till you've tried it. Just sayin'.
 One can almost even forgive her loudmouth liberalism because she is the proud owner of such fantabulous funbags. Sure, there are men of a certain conservative leaning who is unwilling to forgive or even overlook the communist shithead beliefs of a beautiful 1,000 year old woman, regardless of how nice her Marxist milkbags might be. I would posit that such a gentleman is hardly a gentleman at all. Some things transcend politics, and a superiour set of cans is one of them. As the great prophet Rodney King once said, "Can we all just get along?" If there is one thing that drunk drivers and nice knockers should have in common, it is the ability to bring everyone together.
A woman's politics is not something that should preclude a thoughtful gentleman from glazing her bountiful breasts with a hearty coating of his man goo. And if Susan Sarandon is anything like Nancy Pelosi, there's no way that she can't love me!
I can't let Sarandon's political beliefs get in the way of all of the fun I can have with with her boobies. Particularly when those beliefs are so silly and self-defeating. Seriously, how can anyone take a woman who opposes Hillary (!) Clinton in the New York Democratic Senate primary seriously?
Actress Susan Sarandon, a longtime liberal political activist and outspoken opponent of the Iraq war, endorsed an anti-war Democrat challenging Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's re-election bid Tuesday.
Sarandon is backing Jonathan Tasini, a labor advocate and former president of the National Writers' Union, who has based his longshot campaign on Clinton's vote in 2002 authorizing military intervention in Iraq.
Clinton, who is widely considered the front-runner for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination if she chooses to run, has sharply criticized the Bush Administration's handling of the war. But she has also refused to call for American troops to be removed from Iraq.
Sarandon has been a harsh critic of Clinton's vote on the war, telling a British television interviewer last month that Clinton had "crumbled under the pressure of the moment." She also told ITV1 that she wasn't enthusiastic about a Clinton presidential candidacy.
Isn't it that just the cutest thing ever? Susan must have forgotten that Hillary (!)'s last name is Clinton and people with that name tend to make their previous statements, as Ron Zeigler once said, "inoperative." Things like a middle-class tax cut, allowing Haitians refuge, and not having sexual relations with that woman come to mind.
 I'm sure that this isn't all Sarandon's idea. Donuts to dollars, her gargantuan goof of a boyfriend, Tim Robbins, had something to do with this. I can feel it in my bones. Tim Robbins is a living insult to 13 foot tall retards like me everywhere. Robbins' laughable liberalism isn't even mitigated by his having great tits! And to think that Susan Sarandon kneels before a monster like him and takes his frothy facials without complaint. I'm sure that you're all as shocked and outraged by him as I am. But, as we all know, massively mammaried women with childish political ideas are famously easy to trick.
Susan, on the other hand, is a Committed Woman with Great Tits. Her entire cinematic ouvre reflects this. In Bull Durham, she played a commited baseball slut with beautiful knockers. In Thelma and Louise, she played a committed fugative with bountiful bossoms. In Dead Man Walking, Sarandon played Sister Helen Prejan, a hard-nippled nun committed to ending the death penalty, so convincingly that she won an Academy Award. In Alfie, she was an old broad with nice knockers committed to having unsatisfying sex with that limey homo, Jude Law.
 Thick headed, big titted and 600 years old, these are but three of the reasons that Susan Sarandon is one of the Women I Love. I can even overlook the fact that she's a redhead and, therefore, possessed of the the soul of a war criminal. Indeed, the knowlege that the hue of her hair makes her Guilty in the Eyes of God probably has much to do with her liberal silliness.
The great commentator P.J O'Rourke once said that "earnestness is just stupidity sent to college, " and Sarandon is nothing if not earnest. And anyone who doesn't recognize the utility of earnestness in a large-breasted dimwit is a dangerous fool and begging the state to step in. It should be obvious to all great ladies men that such women are easily convinced that the path to world peace is paved with anal sex. And lots of it. Of course, at some point she'll realize that the world is not at peace, but this is easily dealt with by noting that not enough women are giving their men anal sex and that she should be more dilligent in taking up the slack of her lazy, war-mongering sisters. And because she is Deeply Committed to Causes Greater than Herself, she will.
And that, folks, is what makes life worth living.
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