|
|
Sunday, September 07, 2003
|
|
BACK TO SOUNDING LIKE A TARD....REFLECTIONS ON THE PRESIDENTS ADDRESS
Earlier this evening, George W. Bush put his entire presidency on the line. Should he succeed and follow through on his remarks, he will be re-elected with a margin not seen since President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1964. Should he fail or be proven to be lying, he will be repudiated in a way not seen seen since President Lyndon B. Johnson...in 1968. The President's remarks may be read in full here.
I will dissect and comment on his remarks in a summary way, less than one hour after they were delivered. And you get to read my commentary. Aren't you lucky?
"Good evening. I have asked for this time to keep you informed of America's actions in the war on terror."
Hi. And thanks for not going up against "the Simpsons" to do it. 8:30 Sunday is a good time slot for you. Fuck "King of the Hill".
"Nearly two years ago, following deadly attacks on our country, we began a systematic campaign against terrorism. These months have been a time of new responsibilities, and sacrifice, and national resolve and great progress."
And tax cuts. Lots and lots of tax cuts. Personal income tax cuts, capital gains cuts, dividend tax cuts, estate tax cuts, marriage penalty tax cuts. It's a minor miracle anyone can afford a war at this point.
"And we acted in Iraq, where the former regime sponsored terror, possessed and used weapons of mass destruction, and for 12 years defied the clear demands of the United Nations Security Council. Our coalition enforced these international demands in one of the swiftest and most humane military campaigns in history."
The former regime did sponsor terror. Against Israel. This much is true. Saddam Hussein offered $25,000.00 payments to the families of suicide bombers. Do you have any idea how far 25K can carry you in Rammallah?
The stuff about the U.N is true, too. But two-fifths of the same Security Council threatened to veto any resolution leading to war in Iraq. These are odd arguements for me to be giving given that I was for the war, albeit reluctantly.
As to the military campaign being "one of the swiftest and most humane...in history", this is also true.It's great when the enemy doesn't fight back real hard. More wars should be like this one.
"For a generation leading up to September the 11th, 2001, terrorists and their radical allies attacked innocent people in the Middle East and beyond, without facing a sustained and serious response. The terrorists became convinced that free nations were decadent and weak. And they grew bolder, believing that history was on their side."
And whose fault is this? Ours. The entire Western world took the attitude that terrorism was the actions of "the misunderstood national aspiraions of a historically oppressed people" for far too long.
"We have carried the fight to the enemy. We are rolling back the terrorist threat to civilization, not on the fringes of its influence, but at the heart of its power."
Yeah, just ask Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein. Well, you can't because they're hiding. But they release a lot of tapes that address the issue, too. Okay, that was a cheap shot.
" This work continues. In Iraq, we are helping the long suffering people of that country to build a decent and democratic society at the center of the Middle East. Together we are transforming a place of torture chambers and mass graves into a nation of laws and free institutions."
This is commonly known as making promises you can't keep. Iraq may someday be a functioning democracy. And I may be Prom Queen.
"The Middle East will either become a place of progress and peace, or it will be an exporter of violence and terror that takes more lives in America and in other free nations"
Isn't the Middle East ALREADY an exporter of violence and terror? Sure, Afghanistan served as a Motel 6 for Al-Queda, but as I remember it, none of the 9/11 highjackers were Afghans. They were Egyptian and Saudi.
"The triumph of democracy and tolerance in Iraq, in Afghanistan and beyond would be a grave setback for international terrorism. The terrorists thrive on the support of tyrants and the resentments of oppressed peoples"
Because, it's not like anything crazy has ever happened, like a guy from Buffalo blowing up a federal building in Oklahoma City or anything. That's just crazy talk.
"When tyrants fall, and resentment gives way to hope, men and women in every culture reject the ideologies of terror, and turn to the pursuits of peace. Everywhere that freedom takes hold, terror will retreat."
I'm tempted to point out that Josip Tito was a horrible tyrant in Yugoslavia. He fell, too (well, if you count dying of natural causes as "falling"). Ask the good folks of Bosnia, Croatia and Kosovo how terror retreated. Well, except for the 300,000 who were murdered in the Serbian campaign of ethnic cleansing.
"Our enemies understand this. They know that a free Iraq will be free of them -- free of assassins, and torturers, and secret police. They know that as democracy rises in Iraq, all of their hateful ambitions will fall like the statues of the former dictator. And that is why, five months after we liberated Iraq, a collection of killers is desperately trying to undermine Iraq's progress and throw the country into chaos."
Assassins? Tortuerers? Secret Police? Killers? Them's a lot of nouns. Why not "Meanies", "Sore Losers" and "Spoilsports", too? I know, it would make for a nasty run-on sentance. And I know why you had to stay away from "cocksuckers." It's Sunday. Plus there's that whole "family values" thing.
"Some of the attackers are members of the old Saddam regime, who fled the battlefield and now fight in the shadows. Some of the attackers are foreign terrorists, who have come to Iraq to pursue their war on America and other free nations. We cannot be certain to what extent these groups work together. We do know they have a common goal -- reclaiming Iraq for tyranny."
They should've bought some weapons grade uranium from Niger before reclaiming Iraq for tyranny. This is a good guess at who these guerillas are ,but at this point it's just that, a guess.Unless of course, the British told you so. Oh, didn't listening to the British bite you on the ass hard about 6 weeks ago?
"Most, but not all, of these killers operate in one area of the country. The attacks you have heard and read about in the last few weeks have occurred predominantly in the central region of Iraq, between Baghdad and Tikrit -- Saddam Hussein's former stronghold. The north of Iraq is generally stable and is moving forward with reconstruction and self-government. The same trends are evident in the south, despite recent attacks by terrorist groups."
Wait a minute! You mean that Saddam's supporters are attcking you only in places where Saddam is popular? And leaving you alone in places where he isn't? These people are military genuises! Of course they wouldn't operate in Nothern Iraq. That's Al-Queda country! They had a camp there and everything.Right up there in the "No-Fly Zone."
"Though their attacks are localized, the terrorists and Saddam loyalists have done great harm. They have ambushed American and British service members -- who stand for freedom and order. They have killed civilian aid workers of the United Nations -- who represent the compassion and generosity of the world. They have bombed the Jordanian embassy -- the symbol of a peaceful Arab country. And last week they murdered a respected cleric and over a hundred Muslims at prayer -- bombing a holy shrine and a symbol of Islam's peaceful teachings."
Jordan is a peaceful Arab country? Didn't they kill 30,000 Palestinians in one weekend once? Isreal hasn't killed that many in 55 years! And the "respected cleric and over a hundred Muslims at prayer" that were killed? Shi'a. The Ba'athists are Sunni. Sunnis are good at killing Shi'a. Ask the Iranians.
"This violence is directed not only against our coalition, but against anyone in Iraq who stands for decency, and freedom and progress."
Or just happens to be in the way. Don't forget that.
"There is more at work in these attacks than blind rage. The terrorists have a strategic goal. They want us to leave Iraq before our work is done. They want to shake the will of the civilized world. In the past, the terrorists have cited the examples of Beirut and Somalia, claiming that if you inflict harm on Americans, we will run from a challenge. In this, they are mistaken."
Well, they aren't. Presidents Reagan and Clinton were. American troops went boom and the United States got the fuck out of Dodge. But it was okay, they respectively invaded Grenada and Haiti and most people forgot about Lebanon and Somalia.
"Two years ago, I told the Congress and the country that the war on terror would be a lengthy war, a different kind of war, fought on many fronts in many places. Iraq is now the central front. Enemies of freedom are making a desperate stand there -- and there they must be defeated. This will take time and require sacrifice. Yet we will do what is necessary, we will spend what is necessary, to achieve this essential victory in the war on terror, to promote freedom and to make our own nation more secure."
No joke, this is the single most important paragraph of the speech. This paragraph says, "hang on, teenagers. We're gonna be here awhile."
"America has done this kind of work before. Following World War II, we lifted up the defeated nations of Japan and Germany, and stood with them as they built representative governments. We committed years and resources to this cause. And that effort has been repaid many times over in three generations of friendship and peace. America today accepts the challenge of helping Iraq in the same spirit -- for their sake, and our own."
But......didn't you campaign AGAINST nation building in 2000? Maybe you can put Al Gore in charge of Iraq. He can use a job and I don't think he'd really care what he's the President OF as long as its President of SOMETHING. Gore can spin this, too. He won Michigan and Michigan has more Arabs per square foot that anywhere else in America. Besides, his army of lawyers are bored.
"Our strategy in Iraq has three objectives: destroying the terrorists, enlisting the support of other nations for a free Iraq and helping Iraqis assume responsibility for their own defense and their own future."
Note to Howard Dean: Getting out before Super Tuesday wasn't one of those objectives. So you can continue to beat the shit out of every other Democrat for voting for the war. Everybody wins tonight!
"Second, we are committed to expanding international cooperation in the reconstruction and security of Iraq, just as we are in Afghanistan. Our military commanders in Iraq advise me that the current number of American troops -- nearly 130,000 -- is appropriate to their mission. They are joined by over 20,000 service members from 29 other countries. Two multinational divisions, led by the British and the Poles, are serving alongside our forces -- and in order to share the burden more broadly, our commanders have requested a third multinational division to serve in Iraq."
Let me get this straight. They require more troops just not American ones? Do foreign troops have special military skills Americans don't? "Oh Fuck! We're surrounded! We haven't surrendered in decades! WHERE ARE THE FUCKING FRENCH?"
"Some countries have requested an explicit authorization of the United Nations Security Council before committing troops to Iraq. I have directed Secretary of State Colin Powell to introduce a new Security Council resolution, which would authorize the creation of a multinational force in Iraq, to be led by America.
I recognize that not all of our friends agreed with our decision to enforce the Security Council resolutions and remove Saddam Hussein from power. Yet we cannot let past differences interfere with present duties. Terrorists in Iraq have attacked representatives of the civilized world, and opposing them must be the cause of the civilized world. Members of the United Nations now have an opportunity -- and the responsibility -- to assume a broader role in assuring that Iraq becomes a free and democratic nation."
That'll be fun to watch. "Uhhh, hi. Yeah, it's us. Yes, the guys who told you all to go fuck yourselves six months ago. I know Rumsfeld called you 'Old Europe' and 'irrelevant' but.....please help." But, I'm sure it'll be okay. No one's more sympathetic than Germany.
"Third, we are encouraging the orderly transfer of sovereignty and authority to the Iraqi people. Our coalition came to Iraq as liberators and we will depart as liberators. Right now Iraq has its own Governing Council, comprised of 25 leaders representing Iraq's diverse people. The Governing Council recently appointed cabinet ministers to run government departments. Already more than 90 percent of towns and cities have functioning local governments, which are restoring basic services. We're helping to train civil defense forces to keep order, and an Iraqi police service to enforce the law, a facilities protection service, Iraqi border guards to help secure the borders, and a new Iraqi army. In all these roles, there are now some 60,000 Iraqi citizens under arms, defending the security of their own country, and we are accelerating the training of more."
Maybe I'm nitpicking here, but I'm not sure giving people who haven't had water or power for six months guns is wise. About a month ago, I lost my electricity for 30 hours and couldn't shave my balls. I was very cranky and arming me would've been a VERY bad idea.
And now you know another secret. Yes, I CAN write about my genitals in any context.
"Iraq is ready to take the next steps toward self-government. The Security Council resolution we introduce will encourage Iraq's Governing Council to submit a plan and a timetable for the drafting of a constitution and for free elections. From the outset, I have expressed confidence in the ability of the Iraqi people to govern themselves. Now they must rise to the responsibilities of a free people and secure the blessings of their own liberty."
I can't wait to read that Constitution. It should be neat. "Article One: Figure out how Japan ended up owning half of the lower forty-eight and most of Hawaii not that long after Hiroshima. Article Two: Copy the Japanese. Article Three: Start building cheap cars and stereo equipment post-haste"
"Our strategy in Iraq will require new resources. We have conducted a thorough assessment of our military and reconstruction needs in Iraq, and also in Afghanistan. I will soon submit to Congress a request for $87 billion."
WHOA! HOLY FUCK! 87 BILLION? Isn't that like 42 zeroes or something? Jesus Christ, you made it sound like Iraq was going to turn the U.S a profit. Can't Haliburton kick in a couple of billion?
"This budget request will also support our commitment to helping the Iraqi and Afghan people rebuild their own nations, after decades of oppression and mismanagement."
And tax cuts! It's indecent that hardworking Iraqis pay nearly half of their salary to jackbooted thugs who....what? Most of the country is unemployed? And the only people in thick boots there are us? Okay, nevermind that part.
"We will provide funds to help them improve security. And we will help them to restore basic services, such as electricity and water...."
Citizens of Compton; you want the Iraqi people to feel secure like you, right? Oh, by the way, do Cleveland and Detroit have their water and power back on yet?
"and to build new schools, roads, and medical clinics"
You know, like there hasn't been in, say.....St. Louis since 1965.
"Later this month, Secretary Powell will meet with representatives of many nations to discuss their financial contributions to the reconstruction of Afghanistan. Next month, he will hold a similar funding conference for the reconstruction of Iraq. Europe, Japan and states in the Middle East all will benefit from the success of freedom in these two countries, and they should contribute to that success."
Translation: I'd beg, but that's unseemly for a President. Plus, foreigners are terrified of American black people. I figure if I send Colin in, they'll just hand over the money. Maybe their wallets, too.
"The people of Iraq are emerging from a long trial. For them, there will be no going back to the days of the dictator, to the miseries and humiliation he inflicted on that good country"
Not so fast. Remember about making promises you can't keep? Dictators are sometimes elected, like Slobodan Milosovisc....or Adolf Hitler.
"For the Middle East and the world, there will be no going back to the days of fear, when a brutal and aggressive tyrant possessed terrible weapons."
Doesn't Iran have a nuclear program? And Kim Jong Il is getting jealous that you haven't mentioned him yet.
"And for America, there will be no going back to the era before September the 11th, 2001 -- to false comfort in a dangerous world. We have learned that terrorist attacks are not caused by the use of strength; they are invited by the perception of weakness. And the surest way to avoid attacks on our own people is to engage the enemy where he lives and plans. We are fighting that enemy in Iraq and Afghanistan today so that we do not meet him again on our own streets, in our own cities."
That's hard to argue with, I suppose.
"The heaviest burdens in our war on terror fall, as always, on the men and women of our Armed Forces and our intelligence services. They have removed gathering threats to America and our friends, and this nation takes great pride in their incredible achievements. We are grateful for their skill and courage, and for their acts of decency, which have shown America's character to the world. We honor the sacrifice of their families. And we mourn every American who has died so bravely, so far from home."
Yadda, yadda, yadda. I'll bet you say that to ALL the troops. Waitaminute, you just did.
"The Americans who assume great risk overseas understand the great cause they are in. Not long ago I received a letter from a captain in the 3rd Infantry Division in Baghdad. He wrote about his pride in serving a just cause, and about the deep desire of Iraqis for liberty. "I see it," he said, "in the eyes of a hungry people every day here. They are starved for freedom and opportunity." And he concluded, "I just thought you'd like a note from the 'front lines of freedom.'" That Army captain, and all of our men and women serving in the war on terror, are on the front lines of freedom. And I want each of them to know, your country thanks you, and your country supports you."
The old "Letter From The Front Line Of Freedom" trick. That ALWAYS works. Godfuckit, I guess that's why presidents always use it!Sneaky bastards! All 42 of you! And yes, I do know Grover Cleveland was elected to non-consecutive terms even though I am Canadian. Just because I'm Canadian doesn't mean I'm stupid although that logic usually does follow.
I do kind of like the argument that "They are starved for freedom, so I'm occupying their country." Soldiers are noted for irony.
"Fellow citizens: We've been tested these past 24 months, and the dangers have not passed. Yet Americans are responding with courage and confidence. We accept the duties of our generation. We are active and resolute in our own defense. We are serving in freedom's cause -- and that is the cause of all mankind."
And the best defense is a good offense. Everybody knows that!
"Thank you, and may God continue to bless America."
You're welcome but...what about Canada? How about just the good parts of Canada, like Toronto. I'm not expecting God to bless Quebec. That would be NUTS, but......
"
|
|
|
| |
