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Tuesday, September 23, 2003
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HOMO NEWS ROUNDUP
As you all know by now, I'm a big supporter of the gay community. Aside from honestly not giving a fuck who anyone fucks if it isn't me, the community is a constant source of amusement. In that spirit, I feel that being made fun of like everyone else is the last barrier to true equality. So, I know make fun of gay people. Hope everyone feels better.
Arnold Schwarzenegger made his views on "that fag business" well known in his 1977 "Oui" magazine interview. His tolerance was mocked when that interview came back to light earlier this summer. But now Arnold is putting his penis where his mouth is (wait a second, that doesn't sound right.) It appears that the aspiring Governator posed nude for celebrated bullwhip-in-ass enthusiast Robert Mapplethorpe. This should be good!
In other news, Pennsylvania is turning out to be a hotbed of homo-action. I just found this story randomly. This is a desire with a couple of interesting twists, a gay rape fantasy and anti-semitism. I know what you're thinking...Kinky! Me, too. And this is the Deputy Fire Commisioner. I guess Freud was right about guys who spend an inordinate amount of time around big hoses.
And finally, last Friday Mary Magdalicious (as funny as she is beautiful) reported this story. YIKES! Now, I always had a theory about high school jocks being huge homos, I just thought they'd do better at keeping it a secret. Can you imagine looking at your team mate and thinking "you know what would make him really cute? A broomstick, a pinecone and some golf balls up his ass!" All I can is...Wow. Okay, fucking Wow!
Of course, the good folks of Pennsylvania were slightly offended by this. And I can understand why! I mean, come on, these kids aren't in the Fire Department or anything! What the fuck?
The schoolboard was upset, too. So upset that they cancelled the team's entire season! See, if they only sodomized a couple of cheerleaders...I dunno, the board might've called a couple of games and pretended it was raining. Isn't there a "don't ask/don't tell" policy with high school homo-hijinks?
The funniest part is, the community is protesting the cancellation of the season! "Give us our homo rapist team!" they declare. "Who amongst us have never shoved a golf ball, a broomstick and some pinecones in a young boy's ass?" they cry.
Thank Christ that I was always horrible at sports because I have a beautiful ass and I've never taken anything bigger than a finger in it. And I was almost 30 when that happened. Granted, I came this close to marrying the owner of the finger.....
On second thought, I kinda wish they had pine cones where she lives.
Currently Reading: "The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Master of the Senate" - Robert A. Caro
Number of Times I've Masturbated Today: 5
Easy Listening:
"And if California slides into the ocean
Like the mystics and statistics say it will
I predict this motel will be standing
Until I pay my bill"
-Warren Zevon
Desperados Under the Eaves
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