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Thursday, September 04, 2003
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I GET MAIL (PART TWO)
The lovely and talented Kilgore Trout has dropped me a line yet again. I'll continue to publish his letters as they are both complimentary and effective in demonstrating just how small my audience is. It reads as follows;
Hello MJ,
Thanks for educating me on the Canadian electoral
system. Like most Americans, I had no idea how a
parliamentary democracy works. Thanks also for
handicapping Hillary's presidential chances for me.
Are you an American expatriate or do all Canadians
know as much about American politics as you do?
I look at maybe a dozen blogs a day and I am always
amazed that people from all over the world have a
passing understanding of American politics, or at
least know who our president is. Meanwhile, most
Americans can't name a single foreign head of state.
(I can only name two -- Tony Blair and Vicente Fox. I
have no idea who the prime minister of Canada is...
Chetrien maybe?) Yeah, we're lame that way.
I do have a suggestion for making your life a bigger
fucking mess. Try mastubating with your finger in
your butt. You'll enjoy it while it lasts, but
immediately upon ejaculation and for a week afterward
you'll feel vaguely dirty and guilty. At least that's
what, you know, my friend told me.
Are you ever going to change the appearance of your
site? Seems a little tame for you, considering your
angst and all. I liked the black setup better.
Later,
Kilgore Trout
Minister of Propaganda, Chaotic Not Random
Thank you for your kind words. People often ask me why I resort to writing about politics. Well okay, not really but lets assume they do. I do this for several reasons. These are as follows;
A) I know a lot about it.
B) I can be funny about it unlike that schmuck Imus.
C) It fufills my pedagogic side. I realise that not everyone is a fucking brilliant as I am and my wealth of political knowlege can make the world a shiny, happy place. I'd also like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.
D) I'm running out of dick jokes.
I speak with many Americans every day and I recognise that most haven't the vaugest clue how their own country works let alone anyone else's. So from time to time I'll write about it so that people can walk away from my humble little blog having learned something. Or get really, really bored. Either way, they enjoy the dick jokes that much more when they get them.
In response to your questions, no I'm not an expatriate and most Canadians are as ignorant as they are evil. We will destroy you all someday and rule the WORLD!
Knowing foreign leaders is also another source of endless fun. Do a web search on Ben Kingsley(he of the film "Sexy Beast"). Then do one on Hamid Karzi, interm leader of Afghanistan. Finding out that they are the same person continues to amuse and amaze me, much like the Yassir Arafat/Ringo Starr connection. The sexual magnetism of General Pervez Musharrif of Pakistan is compelling as well. This man either has the best hairpiece or the worst hair I've ever seen.Man cannot live off of Dick Cheney alone. Well, you can...that sexy bastard!
As for your suggestion that I masturbate with my finger up my ass, its not the same as masturbating with somebody else's finger there. You want to feel REALLY guilty and dirty, try that.And that would be so much funnier if it actually didn't happen before. But enough about me.
Yeah, I hate the site design too. But I know nothing about computers and rely on the lovely Zombie to change such things. And she's a busy woman.
Thank you for your continued support.
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