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Tuesday, September 16, 2003
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WHO KNEW? TELEVISION EXECUTIVES ARE SWINE!
Special Edition From the "How Did I Know This Would Fucking Happen" Desk
So, John Ritter died on Friday and everybody was really sad....until Tuesday.
Today officially became ABC's "How do we make a boatload of money from the corpse" day. And like network vermin always do, they found a way. For those of you who, like me, were unaware that Ritter was back on television, he was. He had a show called "8 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter" (I never saw the show, so I can't tell you if it sucked or not. But from the memorial footage, I can report that the "daughter" had a really nice ass and that's what makes a hit.)
Well, the cooperate curs at the network decided that the show must go on and they'll just kill the Ritter Character and build the show around the mourning of the family. I know what you're thinking, too "That should lead to laugh-filled dates for the daughter." In fact, it might mark the first time in human history that a woman gets a sympathy fuck. Actually, that's not true either. I gave one once, but that was a long time ago and I'd rather not talk about it.
But this turn of events raises an interesting question. What happens if you violate one of those rules now? Does the Ritter Ghost haunt you with pratfalls from beyond the grave? Maybe Katey Seagal should marry a meth-dealing, neo-nazi...You know, to give the title some bite. It would make for a hell of a season cliffhanger. "Tune in for a very special (all wedding, drug related, death or molestation themed sitcom episodes are "very special" as opposed to "unfunny") 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter....Mom has mourned over love lost and in the process, found love again." Then you could show Mom and the kids hugging a guy with a cut-off denim jacket over his tuxedo and three tattoo tears.
I really should move to Hollywood.
Currently Reading: The Years of Lyndon Johnson:Master of the Senate - Robert A. Caro
Number of Times I've Masturbated Today: 1 (I'm really, really depressed today.)
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