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Thursday, October 02, 2003
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FAT, STUPID & STONED... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... ELVIS LIMBAUGH
It's obscenely early in the morning and I'm freezing my nuts off. Accordingly, I won't comment in an extended manner right now. I just want to be on the record as praying to God that this story is true.
I'm prepared for my life to get even worse for this to be true. So, I would like to propose a deal with Jesus. Here goes.
Dear Jesus,
You know, of all of the made-up religious icons, you've always been my favorite. You know that, don't you? You're my favorite nailed up guy. I've been lax is glorifying your name, I know. But please, please, my sweet Baby Jesus, please let it be true that Rush Limbaugh is a titanic drug addict. Please let it be even more true that he's under police investigation for this. If you can arrange it that Rush has to go through toe-curling withdrawal in a Miami-Dade prison cell I promise to scream your gospel at the top of my voice as you continue to rape what's left of my life.
I came to you first because you're my favorite and you're a God of mercy. Please don't make me go to Buddha... Or even Allah.
Thank you Jesus
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