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Monday, November 03, 2003
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EPISCOPALIANS GONE WILD
Much has been made of the Episcopalian Church naming a gay bishop of New Hampshire. Allow me to break this down to its simplest terms; A large segment of a major religion are upset because a homo got promoted and a few Jews said 3,000 years ago that an invisible man who lives in the sky disapproves of his lifestyle. And of course Christian churches have the upmost respect for the opinions of the Jews....you know, when they aren't slaughtering them.
But everybody has their smock in a knot over this. The leadership of the church, amusingly known as "primates", are deeply offended that a man who fucks other men will preach about the Invisible Man in the Sky. So much so that International Anglican Church is "loosening ties" with the American branch. The Church stops short of calling the break a "schism" however. That will occur when the Gay Bishop marries another man. If a lesbian officiates the Church will then declare the situation to be a "clusterfuck."
The most conservative primates opposed to the consecration of the New Hampshire bishop are from Latin America, Africa and Asia. The most fucked-up places with the most horrific shit happening in their backyards. I can imagine that meeting. "Okay boys, here's what we're looking at; Our countries are rife with starvation, murder, corruption and pestilence. Any ideas on how we fix this? WAITASECOND.....they made some fag in Concord a Bishop? Godfuckit! First it's Concord, then Lansing, Michigan and pretty soon they'll be in the pulpit in places where people actually live! We must use all the resources of the Church to destroy this heathen blasphemy! Sorry, we need to ignore the continuing human suffering in our own countries just a little longer."
Now, I'm no theologian but here's my understanding of Anglicans: they're Catholics with poontang and divorce. Divorce is important to Anglicans because, as we know, a regular turnover of poontang is essential to spiritual fufillment. And Catholics don't even have that big a problem with homosexuals. All we ask of them is to keep quiet about it and keep their dates under 5 feet tall. And keep on preaching! It's pretty simple actually.
The way I see it is that if you want to worship an Invisible Man in the Sky, why should who your medium wants to fuck make a difference? Seriously, the basic premise to the Bishop's opposition is this, "While we celibrate the virgin birth, turning water into wine and dead people coming back to life in 3 days don't expect us to believe anything really weird....like two people being in love! That's just crazy talk."
Ultimately, this issue comes down to this......who gives a shit?
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