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Sunday, December 21, 2003
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BROKEN HEARTS ARE FOR ASSHOLES or HOW KILGORE TROUT DESTROYED MY INNOCENCE
Today really, really sucks. I was supposed to go to a dinner party thrown by Dr. Reverend and his lovely wife, Mrs. Bloody Diapers but I have an ugly fucking cold. I was having a lovely chat and then my conversation partner disappeared. One thing after another is disappointing me today. It appears that everything I love is turning to ashes. There isn't even very much in the news to write about (I still can't discuss my personal life. Sorry.) However, given the length that I prattled on yesterday without a single fucking comment, I don't feel appreciated. So I figured, fuck them! I'll let them starve for a few days!
Then I went over to Kilgore Trout's blog and read that he had broken up with his girlfriend of 68 days recently. I felt for the guy, I really did. I know how painful that can be. Turns out that Young Kilgore and his betrothed had a disagreement over child-rearing. Specifically, he doesn't want anychildren to rear. Again, I know how unpleasant such controversies can be. I continued to sympathize. Then, I continued to read. As it happened, the dispute took place with parties in the nude.
It was then that I grew suspicious.
I started doing the math. Girlfriend. 68 days. Children. Disagreement thereof. Nude. Then I looked at the top right hand corner of the page to his "Involuntary Celibacy Watch." It read 332 days.
I had never been so hurt and disgusted in my entire life. Kilgore had turned his blog into a den of LIES! Lies! On a blog! I know you all share my horror. Blogs are supposed to be the last bastions of honesty in a corrupt and defiled world. My philosophy has always been to NEVER lie about something personal, like...I dunno,....having a small penis when I really don't....I mean when a BLOGGER really doesn't.
I felt betrayed. Particularly since it was Kilgore. Kilgore had come to me during a particularly dark time in my life. I had just lost my job and two very important relationships. I had announced that I was closing my old blog for those reasons (ie, my old company and girlfriends reading.) Kilgore e-mailed me and was very supportive. He had just started his blog and mine was one of the first that he had linked. He said many nice things about my writing and urged me to continue. I read his blog and was mightily impressed. As Anna over at Primal Purge noted so eloquently, "he's funny and has perfect penmanship." I felt a kinship with Kilgore. I felt a bond developing.
We were brothers.
And our brotherhood was built on a foundation of lies! I was distraught. Until I realized that all of my relationships are based on a foundation of lies. Then I got over it. It took maybe half an hour.
I'm very emotionally well-adjusted.
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