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Monday, December 08, 2003
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NOTES ON THE PHANTOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE
Math has always been a mystery to me. It's never been my strong suit. So maybe someone can help me with this eqation.....does a winner/loser + a loser = a winner?
Former Vice President Al Gore formally endorsed Howard Dean for the Democratic nomination yesterday. Accordingly, Washington is wet between it's legs. It's rare enough that a former nominee endorses a contender before the convention,in fact, I can't remember the last time it happened. Add to that that the last Nominee to win while losing was Samuel Tilden in 1876 (wow, I knew that without even checking. You'd think that alone would earn me a blowjob, but NOOOOOO), so this is sort of big news in political circles.
This is a complicated situation, mostly because of the haunted howling of Senator Joseph Lieberman of Conneticutt. "Noooooo! Et tu, Al?" Lieberman, once the presumed front runner for the nomination, now reeks of failure. But the betrayal is still shocking. Gore asked Lieberman to be his running mate in 2000. This is tantamount to saying, "Listen Boychick, This could be a 4 year vacation for you. Or I could drop dead or quit (of 43 presidents, 4 have died of natural causes, 4 have been assissinated and one has resigned.) If I kark it, I have faith in you to be the Leader of the Free World."
Or not apparently. Wow. This is why former nominees shouldn't get involved before the convention. By endorsing someone other than his former running mate, Al Gore is tacitly saying "Yeah, remember all of that 'Joe is the most qualified man to be President if anything happen to me' talk. Okay, I was kidding. Actually, I was drunk. Howard on the other hand rawks the fucking casbah." This serves only to make Al Gore look stupid and irrelevant.
Not that Al cares a whole lot. He's not running this year. I believe this is a strategic salvo in his continuing hate-fuck with the Clinton's. All right thinking people know that unless he is caught in bed with a live woman or a dead boy, Howard Dean will be the nominee next summer. All right thinking people also know that he doesn't stand a chance against George Bush. Howard Dean will be Bush's bitch by Labor Day. By the time of the debates, The President of the United States will be openly whistling "The Love Theme from 'Oz'" to Dean. It's going to be an ugly, yet thrilling, thing to watch. President Bush can start drinking again, secure in the knowledge of re-election ass-kicking the likes of which have not been seen since 1984.
This leaves 2008 open though and I think Gore would like to run then. Hillary Clinton would also like to run. Al Gore still views Hillary's husband as something best scraped off the bottom of his shoe. See where I'm going with this? The best part is that it won't even matter because I think if the Republicans are smart (and I don't often accuse them of that), they'll nominate a Gulliani/ Rice ticket. Can you imagine if a ticket with a cancer-riddled phillanderer and a black woman were nominated by the Republicans?
I can't understand why people think politics is boring.
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