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Thursday, December 04, 2003
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POLITICS IS MY LIFE
In furtherance of my last post, I should explain that I was a very young man when I determined that I lacked the requisite musical talent to pursue Rock Godom. My attemps to play guitar were amusing in their pathetic sadness. I could do some somewhat convincing B.B King runs, play every Led Zeppelin riff known to man and come up with some intresting funk riffs, although only in the key of A.
So I needed to find something to be good at. My retarded mental processes that you all seem to find so amusing lead me down an interesting path. Since rock stars spend most of their off stage time in court, I started informally studying law. Then I realized that lawyers are even more brutally loathsome than I am. Where to go? I loved the process of law but hated and feared it practioners. Well, I figured, who writes the laws and why? This lead to my life long love of politics.
The more I read about the political process, the more I fell in love with it. I should qualify this somewhat. I fell in love with the political process as opposed to the governmental one. There is a vast difference between the two. Government is the ordering of society. Politics is the ordering of government. I studied government only so far as I could better understand its political implications.
It was never my intention to run for office myself. My continuing fascination with, and desire to emulate Keith Richards would have seriously compromised that desire. When when the last time you saw a candidate have one his cadre of 14 year old groupies tie him off so that he could shoot up during a stump speech. And no, Bill Clinton doesn't count.
But now I've found the perfect land. A land of great promise where I could combine my black little political heart AND my lifestyle aspirations. Thailand. Not fifteen minutes ago I learned that Thailand is the Promised Land. You simply must love a nation where a politician can stand on principle and fight for his right to keep mistresses and solicit prostitutes.
Even better, Thailand is Heroin's Hometown. Christ, opium was discovered in Thailand! I must move to Thailand and manipulate it's political system so that I may exercise total power. Then I shall change it's name to what it should've been called in the first place...Nirvana.
You should all wish me well in this pursuit if only because you'll love my cabinet. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to my Minister of Narcotics Control, Robert Downey, Jr. Or better yet, may introduce my Minister of Cultural Affairs, Paris Hilton. My choice for Minister of Children's Concerns, Michael Jackson may prove a little controversial, but since I'll be busy shooting up with my Army of Whores, I need to keep the kids occupied and out of my way. Besides, I'm pretty sure that Minister Jackson won't corrupt the nations girls....that'll be my job.
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