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Monday, December 29, 2003
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YOU'RE FELT UP BY A SMOOTH CRIMINAL
It's a really, really bad time to be Scott Peterson. First, everybody gets their panties in a bunch over the whole killing his wife thing. Then his layer bails for the Homecoming Queen of Human Car Accidents, Michael Jackson. Some guys can't catch a break.
How Mark Geragos became such a big deal stuns me. Sure, he got Susan McDougall off on Whitewater (the only prinipal that was indicted to be acquitted) but at that point Ken Starr and the Office of Independent Counsel were polling at the level of your average child molester. He couldn't even get Winnona Ryder off (something I would desperately like to do. Okay, so I have a thing for chicks that cute and that crazy.)
So, Geragos takes the Jackson case and then turns around and lets him do "60 Minutes." And it was a disaster. Okay, it wasn't earthquake in Iran bad, but it was pretty fucking close. Smart lawyers never let their clients do interviews. Especially not "60 Minutes", which has a storied reputation of gutting people who even look guilty. So Geragos has a client famous for being batshit crazy and a penchant for saying incomprehensibly goofy stuff. This client is facing 9 felony counts that could land him in the clink for 30 years. So what does Geragos decide? "Let's put him on TV! Right now! What could happen?"
Well.......this could happen.
"ED BRADLEY: As we sit here today, do you still think that it's acceptable to share your bed with children?
MICHAEL JACKSON: Of course. Of course. Why not? If you're gonna be a pedophile, if you're gonna be Jack the Ripper, if you're gonna be a murderer, it's not a good idea. That I'm not. That's how we were raised. And I met - I didn't sleep in the bed with the child. Even if I did, it's okay. I slept on the floor. I give the bed to the child."
Oh boy. Now, I'm not a layer but I'm pretty savvy in the realm of public relations. Firstly, if you're accused of being a pedophile, don't, under any circumstances, go on the highest rated show that isn't the Bachelor and say that it's okay to share your bed with kids! Also, for a criminal defendant (even a smooth one) to compare himself to Jack the Ripper is generally accepted to be a bad idea. Shit, Robert Blake has even done that and he's in a three way tie with Jackson and Phil Spector as the craziest motherfucker on the planet.
"ED BRADLEY: Given the allegations, given the innuendo - why would you put yourself in a position where something like this could happen again?
MICHAEL JACKSON: Well, I'm always more cautious. But I will never stop helping and loving people the way Jesus said to. He said, "Continue to love. Always love. Remember children. Imitate the children." Not childish, but childlike."
Didn't Jesus also say "suffer the children who go down on me?" Criminal efendents are always citing Jesus in ways favourable to them. Notice how often it works?
"ED BRADLEY: What about the allegation that some kind of intoxicating agent, said to be wine, was given to this child to make him more pliable?"
The alleged victim is a 12-year-old cancer patient. Do you get more pliable?
"ED BRADLEY: Would you allow your children to sleep in the bed with a grown man, who was not a relative, or to sleep in the bedroom?
MICHAEL JACKSON: Sure, if I know that person, trust them, and love them. That's happened many times with me when I was little."
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it did happen many times when you were little. That's probably where this mess started.
"People think sex. They're thinking sex. My mind doesn't run that way. When I see children, I see the face of God. That's why I love them so much. That's what I see."
Pedophilia allegations genrally do lead people to "think sex." People are funny that way. Go figure.
"MICHAEL JACKSON: (my) - album is number one all over the world. All over the world. America is the only one, because I � I don't wanna say too much.
ED BRADLEY: But it's not number one in the United States?
MICHAEL JACKSON: It's a conspiracy. Yeah. I'm getting tired. "
Not the Tommy Matolla conspiracy theory again! Jesus, you know he doesn't run Sony anymore, right? Last I heard he was a clerk at Bed, Bath and Beyond.
We've all had a cute little giggle at my quaint observations. But remember, I support Michael Jackson in this. I believe that he's actually innocent! And not even "100% percent not guilty" like O.J was. I mean innocent.
And the fact that this mess of a sit down could lead a supporter to point these things out, imagine what his enimies are getting from it.
For some reason, Michael Jackson and Mark Geragos are determined to make me look like a schmuck.
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