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Saturday, January 03, 2004
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JESUS, I HATE IT WHEN SOME PEOPLE HAVE A POINT...
With Michael Jackson consuming all of everybody's "panties in a knot" time (a flawed phrase given the facts of the Jackson case, I know) the sad, tortured saga of Rush Limbaugh is moving more and more under the radar. I'm sure this is making Rush fucking crazy, too. As this brutal bastard craves attention, he probably glories in the spotlight that his demented hobbies have brought him. It probably hasn't hurt his rating either. Sure, I could do a google search and find his Arbitron ratings for the last quarter and impress you all with my industrious nature...but that would cut into my quality time with my penis. Not having a job is a big pain in the ass but it's mitigated by being able to masturbate whenever I want. (Note to Self: Start up the masturbation count thing again.)
Again I find myself moving dangerously off topic. Some of you might think that I view the world as a means of achieving my own sexual gratification. Some of you would be right. Of course, we would also have to overlook the fact that I haven't gotten laid since August 2, 2002.
Anyhow, this was supposed to be about Rush.
Rush's overpriced mouthpiece has argued that the current investigation into his client's Elvis-like existence is selective prosecution. It turns out that he's right. A search of records in the Palm Beach County Clerks Office reveals that the number of "doctor shopping" charges laid in the last five years totals....one. ONE charge in FIVE YEARS! And that charge never even resulted in a trial (the defendant died.)
The prosecutors office has responded to this by saying that, "the Legislature enacted the statute for a reason." This is rampant bullshit. Several states have laws on the books prohibiting cohabitation, too but you never see them enforced. In North Carolina, it is a misdemeanor to swear in 98 out of the state's 100 counties.(Note to Self: You've been to the Charlotte International Airport and used the word "fuck" when told the bar does not serve alcohol before noon on Sunday's. Check if any warrants are out on you.) Lots of stupid laws are on he books. Nobody is prosecuted for their violation. It seems to me if you have a law on the books that has been perused exactly once in five years and you dust it off to go after a famous loudmouth, that's selective prosecution. Palm Beach is full of wealthy pillheads Rush can't be the only person in violation of the statute. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that if you checked, you would find hundreds of people caught with wrongful prescriptions in the last five years and in Palm Beach and I'm will to bet that almost all were diverted to treatment and escaped felony convictions.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to Rush get raped in prison. Preferably by a combination of gangbangers and inbred hillbillies. But I already swore that I wouldn't discuss my masturbation habits in this post again, didn't I? But as much as I loathe the man, I can't stand the idea that he raped for something that isn't kosher. Mine is a righteous, pure hatred and I have a very strong sense of justice, both legal and moral. The idea that I appear to be heading a "Free Rush" committee turns my stomach and chills my fucking blood. Come to think of it, most of my writing in the last 6 weeks has centered around defending Michael Jackson, accused of 9 child molestation related counts, and Rush Limbaugh, accused of being Sid Vicious with and a more dangerous drug habit, poorer social skills and a significantly higher body fat index. I must be making lots of new friends.
Christ, I should go back to writing about how much I like to masturbate.....
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