|
|
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
|
|
"BUT MR. PRESIDENT..."
Once again whitehouse.org has trumped reality. How much funnier (to say nothing of more intellectually honest) would it have been to see this interview on Sunday morning as opposed to the one we actually did see. Quite simply, it would've been beautiful for it's sheer brutality.
I think a Q and A session like this would be refreshing,
MR RUSSERT: On Friday, you announced a committee, commission to look into intelligence failures regarding the Iraq war and our entire intelligence community. You have been reluctant to do that for some time. Why?
THE PRESIDENT: Well, first let me kind of step back and ignore your question in favor of reciting the lines I've been practicing for the last few days. Here goes...
Intelligence is a vital part of smartness, and smartness is needed for thinking. It takes thinking for fighting and winning our battle against the Muslamian evildoers. And remember that this war is a crusade that will never end so long as my handlers feel that its exploitation can help ensure that our iron grasp on the levers of self-enriching power is eternal.
What I'm saying is, we need a good intelligenciary system. We need really good intelligences. I mean, we really really really need the tops intelligencernarians. So the commission I set up is to take a look-see at how come there aren't any weapons in Iraq - especially since I specifically told all those dweebies at the FBI and CIA that they had better whip up intelligence good enough to give me a reason to waste some serious raghead ass.
Does anyone seriously believe that that answer would play badly in say...Alabama? I figure that it would go over about as well as what he actually DID say,
President Bush: Well, first let me kind of step back and talk about intelligence in general, if I might. Intelligence is a vital part of fighting and winning the war against the terrorists. It is - because the war against terrorists is a war against individuals who hide in caves in remote parts of the world, individuals who have these kind of shadowy networks, individuals who deal with rogue nations. So, we need a good intelligence system. We need really good intelligence.
So, the commission I set up is to obviously analyze what went right or what went wrong with the Iraqi intelligence. It was kind of lessons learned. But it's really set up to make sure the intelligence services provide as good a product as possible for future presidents as well. This is just a part of analyzing where we are on the war against terror.
There is a lot of investigations going on about the intelligence service, particularly in the Congress, and that's good as well. The Congress has got the capacity to look at the intelligence gathering without giving away state secrets, and I look forward to all the investigations and looks.
Again, I repeat to you, the capacity to have good intelligence means that a president can make good calls about fighting this war on terror.
Besides, some of the little bastards really dug vacationing in Cuba
Truer words were never spoken than these, even though they were never actually spoken.
MR RUSSERT: How do you respond to critics who say that you brought the nation to war under false pretenses?
THE PRESIDENT: I ignore them, and count on the fact that media people like you will drop the story the next time a child is kidnapped or some millionaire colored athlete thinks he can get away with having consensual sex with a white girl.
True, this might be going a little too far.....
MR RUSSERT: If the Iraqis choose an Islamic extremist regime, would you accept that, and would that be better for the United States than Saddam Hussein?
THE PRESIDENT: They're not going to develop that. And the reason I can say that is because I was installed in this office by America's McChrist Industry, and since they're the ones who are pulling my puppet strings, I think I'm speaking with a certain degree of authority when I say that American is not going to rest until every last unsaved Islamian maggot starts each day by wiping his ass with a page from the Koran.
Or not, as these campaign bumper stickers (which I stole from georgewbush.com) seem to prove.
But this is pretty much happened during the real interview.
MR RUSSERT: We are going to take a quick break.
THE PRESIDENT: Thank Christ.
See?
Russert: We're going to take a quick break.
President Bush: Thank you.
Sometimes even mean-spirited satire tells uncomfortable truths.....
MR RUSSERT: Tom Daschle, the Democratic Leader in the Senate, said that you've changed the tone for the worse; that it's more acrimonious, more confrontations, that you are the most partisan political president he's ever worked with. Our exit polls of primary voters, not just Democrats but Independents in South Carolina and New Hampshire, more than 70 percent of them said they are angry or dissatisfied with you, and they point to this whole idea of being a uniter as opposed to a divider. Why do you think you are perceived as such a divider?
THE PRESIDENT: Gosh, I just don't know. I'm working hard to unite the country – except for the faggots and smarty-pants and tree-huggers and Dummycraps, of course. And I don't speak ill of anybody in the process, either.
As for Tom Daschle, let me just say that Tom Daschle is an asshole. No, he's a pussy. Actually, he's equal parts asshole and pussy. You might say he's a big taint. Come to think of it, that would explain why he's always so glistening and shiny. His entire epidermis is taint.
Oh, and there is a whole bunch of stuff about the whole "Did he or didn't he show up for National Guard duty" story. There's a White House press briefing going on about that as I write this. It's really funny for something that will ultimately mean nothing. But in the interest of giving asshat beauracrats and navel gazing journalists a voice, I'll link the gaggle here
|
|
|
| |
