|
|
Sunday, February 29, 2004
|
|
CONSPIRACY THEORY
I'm pretty sure that Google is spying on me. And no, I don't hear voices in my head, too. Well, not much. Most of my paranoid delusions are probably less than well founded but I don't think this is one of them.
First, I'll give you some background.
Since I've been on the Internet, I've become acquainted with a number of people who think that I should pursue writing professionally. Some of them can even spell better than I can, too. Not that that says a whole lot. One of the people who thinks I should go pro and spells better than I do speaks English as a second language. But I might make a decent hack writer, who knows? Crazier things have happened. If Stephen King can make a comfortable living writing, maybe I can as well. Of course, Stephen King also got run over by a truck which is more likely to be the thing I end up having in common with him...
But I digress. I do that sometimes.
Since I have no formal training in journalism and only know the bare minimum about writing a pyramid story, I figured that perhaps I'll give opinion/editorial writing a shot. Basically all this blog is is a poorly constructed, sometimes coherent editorial anyway. So, off to work I went. I wrote an editorial about the Federal Marriage Amendment, which as you know, I've ranted about altogether too much here, but in my "professional" writing I refrained from using the word "motherfucker." I know, I know, I'm proud, too.
In my editorial, I compared the FMA with the bane of my existence and the single worst thing ever put in the U.S constitution (if you overlook that whole black-people-only-being-three-fifths-of-a-person thing. That was pretty bad) the 19th amendment. I thought it was pretty clever. Particularly since I'm a dirty, dirty foreigner about three uses of the word "cocksucker" away from a lovely time-share in Guantanimo Bay, Cuba. Maybe I'll submit it to a few community newspapers in the States, they'll fall just as deeply in love with me as you have and they'll offer me a job and a handy-dandy green card. Or not. Whatever.
After I finished writing, I checked my blog because I'm an attention whore and I need constant reassurances that you all love me. And what does the Google have in the search banner at the top of my page? "19th amendment" is what! I'm almost positive that I've never put those words in this blog or my old one and that's a combined ten months of writing.
So why would Google put that search phrase there?
Those bastards are snooping through my Word files is how. And since I keep all of my erotic fiction in Word files, they probably snoop through those files a LOT. If you think this writing is good, you should read my pornography. Well, one of you already has and I have no idea how you got it, but that's another story for another time...
I digress yet again.
So here's where I get all interactive. I need two things from you teenagers. Firstly, can Google somehow infiltrate Word files through my blog template? And secondly, if anyone knows of a small American community newspaper that will publish the semi-literate ranting of Canadian hack, please send the URL.
That is all
|
|
|
| |
