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Wednesday, February 25, 2004
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THE CONTINUING SWINISHNESS OF O.J SIMPSON
One of the things that I'm least proud of having done was supported the verdict in the case of California v. Simpson. It was about 9 years ago, I'm pretty sure some of you remember it. Okay, I'll admit that I not only predicted that the Juice would not only be found not guilty, I had several bets with friends over it. I was right and I made a few bucks. But I wasn't proud of it. O.J Simpson is evil in ways that would make Scott Peterson blush.
Even though no one is more convinced than I that Simpson is a wife-beating, murderous pigfucker, I still argue that the jury was right in acquitting him. The Los Angeles District Attorney's office was shockingly incompetent and the Los Angeles Police Department was engaged in what I believe to be criminal conduct during the investigation. I've read 14 books on the trial and spent the better part of a decade arguing about it. I know my facts pretty well.
Most observers of the case argue that either O.J was guilty or O.J was framed as if the two are mutually exclusive. My contention has always been that O.J was guilty and framed. The LAPD is famous for this and it's Ramparts gang division's conduct in hundreds of cases has exposed the city to potentially billions of dollars in civil judgements. Ever cut corners on your job? Sure you have. Think cops don't? You're insane if you do. Cops often come across cases where guilt is not in doubt but the evidence isn't quite there. So, the evidence just kind of appears out of nowhere. Stuff like blood containing the preservative EDTA on socks and back gates.
Oh, and while I'm on the subject; Memo to the LAPD: If an officer wants to go on disability because he wants to "kill niggers and spics," just give him the fucking pension, ok? Thanks.
It wasn't an all-black jury that freed Simpson (although having the trial Downtown instead of Santa Monica, where the murders actually took place was brilliant, Marcia), it was an incompetent prosecution (smooth move with the glove, Chris) and corrupt cops. That's what juries do. Stupid lawyers and evil cops need to get slapped down from time to time. Verdicts are the only tools juries have to do it. What I found particularly priceless was Marcia Clark contending that she was "Nicole's voice, Nicole's advocate." Was that why you published the crime scene photos of her nearly decapitated body in your book, Marcia? Oh, I'm glad to hear the TV career worked out, too.
This does not mean to say that I wasn't wholly cognizant of the fact that O.J was human garbage. And that's why I was such a big fan of the civil trial brought by the Brown and Goldman families. Many people are very stupid. Stupid people tend to think that someone being found "not guilty" automatically makes them innocent. This is, to use a legal phrase, blatant horseshit. Stupid people also tend to believe that the bringing of civil procedings was double jeprody. Of course, none of you are stupid so I needn't explain why this is also horseshit, right?
Good.
The best part of the civil trial was the fact that, because his liberty was not at stake, the Juice was compelled to testify. It was during that testimony that the full scale of O.J's moral retardation came to light. When asked about his ever harming his former wife, he explained that she was occassionally injured while "wrassling." Simpson continued that he sometimes "felt like a battered husband." That's right, O.J Simpson, a 225 pound, all-time champion running back was routinely "battred" by a woman whose fake tits weighed more than she did. This makes O.J either a liar or a homo. You're from San Francisco, Juice...you know that you can get married now? O.J then allowed his counsel to argue essentially argue that Nicole was a deranged coke slut who was pretty much asking to get her throat slashed and that Ron Goldman's family was entitled to compensenation for the clothes he was murdered in because, "He would've been bankrupt in two years."
The civil trial, like it's criminal counterpart, left me so full of blinding hatred that I had no choice but to fall in love with it. Needless to say, this jury wasn't altogether impressed and showed no willingness to "cut the Juice loose." They found him liable for the wrongful deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Then they awarded blindingly illegal damages to the families. Few things make me crazier than having to stand up for O.J Simpson, but any reading of California law regarding punitive damages shows that punitive damages are designed to punish, not bankrupt. And no one ever contended that Simpson was ever worth anywhere near $33.5 million. The plantiffs contended that O.J could potentially make that much.....if he wrote a book detailing how he committed the murders. Thankfully, they didn't suggest he star in slasher movies. And since O.J was about the the least popular person in the United States at the time, the jury bought it and awarded the cash.
Small problem. O.J refuses to pay it and moved to Florida where state law allows his to keep a larger percentage of whatever income he makes against civil judgements than any other state with golf courses (federal law protects O.J's $25,000 a month pension.)
You would think that O.J would be thankful to get 25 large a month and not be raped by his cellmate at lights out. But that just wouldn't be O.J. Simpson is incapable of keeping his fucking mouth shut (which I wrote about here.) Or doing these stupid, goddamn memorbilia signings. And this is genesis of this little missive. It appears O.J was doing a signing in St. Louis this past weekened. Ron Goldman's mother found out. Hilarity ensued.
This story does raise some interesting questions for me though, these are;
1) Don't professional athletes have enough image problems without associating their names with double-murdering scumbags like O.J?
2) Why would anyone want O.J's autograph?
3) Does O.J still put a smiley face in the "O", like he did in his "suicide note?"
4) Since Simpson is so obviously proud of himself, why won't he sign the stuff that people want his signature on, like knives, autopsy photos of the victims.......or a fucking confession?
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