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Monday, February 16, 2004
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FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY
At long last a major metropolitan newspaper has taken a resonable position on one of the banes of my existance, cigarette taxes.
It probably comes as no surprise that I love to smoke. As a matter of fact, smoking is one of the few things that gives me any pleasure at all. Thank God, the government hasn't instituted a jerk-off tax or I'd be fucked! And I should keep my friggin' mouth shut, since half of the United States government reads my blog and I don't want to give them any ideas. It is funny though, that, according to my site meter, the Canadian government doesn't know I exist. Although once I get motivaed enough to write about Prime Minister Martin's current (and hilarious) misfortunes, I suspect that will change.
Waitasecond, this post had a point. Oh yeah, cigarette taxes.
Cigarette taxes are where both the left and the right lose their fucking minds. The left, which is usually behind doing all kinds of socially inappropriate things, like dressing up like Cher at a parade...or a wedding, has for decades decided that smokers should pay punative levies in the name of social engineering. The liberal stand is perplexing as they claim to represent an already overtaxed underclass. Since smokers are far more likely to be living in poverty than non-smokers, liberals should leave me alone and go after the fat cat non-smokers. Where is the class warfare when it really matters?
The left responds with the argument that smokers are merely "paying their share" in regards to the increased health costs they can reasonably be expected to incur. This argument is also a straw man. Anyone who knows anything about government knows that specific taxes don't go toward specific programs. They go into general revenue, where they are then promptly spent, usually on ridiculous shit that has nothing to do with health care. One would do well to note that once in power, the left will raise "sin taxes" and then, about ten minutes later, announce the establishment of a "midnight basketball for pre-teen lesbians" program.
Another argument towards smokers and health care is that smokers aren't anywhere near the largest consumers of it. Old people are. 9/10ths of all the health care services you will consume will be in the last 18 months of your life. And people are living a whole lot longer than they used to. And they're not doing a whole lot of living. So, where oh where, is the Grandpa tax? Reasonable point, right? I thought so, too. But then I remembered that old people are the votingest motherfuckers on the planet. This is why things like old age benefits (Social Security in the U.S) and Medicare are going to be such a colossal mess in about 15 years when the Boomers get around to retiring. No one is going to go after Grandma when Grandma and her blue-haired brood can vote your ass right out of professional politics.
This is where conservatives should be expected to step in. Conservatives are supposed to be against government intrusion in private activities that don't affect other people. And unless those activities involve gay marriage, Janet Jackson's right tit or Bono's strategic use of the word "fuck" at awards shows, they are pretty consistent about this. On the other hand, smokers are generally poorer people and since poor people aren't famous for voting for conservatives, fuck 'em. Besides, that frees up more money for corperate tax cuts.
Accordingly, smokers are screwed. Politically speaking, we're the retarded step-child that lives under the sink. Both sides will spend our money and perodically check on us to make sure we haven't swallowed our own tongues.
About ten years ago, I yelled to everyone I know that cigarette taxes can only go so high as a source of revenue and when that happened, other sources would have to be found. Since cigarette taxes proved to be so politically popular, other fun activities that are bad for you would be targeted. Ontario, where I live, has started down this path. The Liberal government has decided that being a fatass is bad for you, too. Bad for you and a drain on the health care system (smokers have even more giant coronaries than smokers do.) Accordingly, The government of Ontario is exploring a fast food tax. If I remember correctly, the state of New Jersey is looking at a similar plan.
It's going to be funny watching fat people go crazy. And I won't feel so alone anymore.
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