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Tuesday, February 10, 2004
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"MY NIPPLE HAS A FIRST NAME..."
Put yourself in Janet Jackson's position. You're at the Super Bowl, just minding your own business when all of sudden - out of nowhere - a guy from a boy band rips your knocker out for the world to see. Then the entire world loses it's collective mind. What would you do?
Of course, you'd sing about it. This does raise some practical questions, however. For example , what do you call such a song? "Pretty Titty" seems inappropriate and "Wardrobe Malfunction in F# Minor" doesn't seem like the kind of title that would drag the kids to the dance floor. She could go with, "If My Brother Only Liked These", but that would be cruel.
Legendary producer, Robert "The Kid Stays In the Picture" Evans seems to be one of the few people who have a reasonably healthy attitude toward the entire mess. And no one's referred to Evans as "healthy" since about 1972. Evans was quoted as saying, "It's a joke.Here's a girl who has a pierced breast with a tiny nipple and they make it World War III. It's a joke. It's disgusting. I wouldn't say it was "disgusting." I'm more of the mind that it was adorable, but I'm funny that way. "So it happened. So what? It denigrates journalism, as far as I'm concerned. Pass it over and forget. No big deal. I've seen a lot worse. By mistake, I've seen a lot worse. If it's an accident or it isn't an accident, who cares?"
I guess that it's hard to take Janet's nipple seriously when, like Evans, you've seen truly horrific things...like Marlon Brando's nipple.
Everyone seems to overlook the contribution Miss Jackson's nipple has made to us all. For example, it raised our conciousness about potential body jewellery choices. And to think I limited my choices to a rave style, glow in the dark cock ring. Or a medevial one, for when I'm feeling really naughty. My world feels so much fuller now.
Oh, and that stupid, fucking lawsuit filed against Viacom, CBS, MTV, Justin and Janet (though not Janet's nipple) has been withdrawn. Which is kind of too bad. I love this freak show and promise to do everything in my power to perpetuate it.
I wonder if Janet's left nipple is jealous? You know how those show business types can get when they get left out of the spotlight.
UPDATE: This just in! Janet is giving the rest of her body equal time.
My penis couldn't be happier. Well, it could....but I doubt Janet will perform at the Adult Video News Awards....this week.
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