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Friday, February 06, 2004
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NOTES ON THE IMPLOSION OF HOWARD DEAN
My regular readers will note that I've spent the better part of the last five months screaming from the rooftops that former governor Howard Dean was fated to become the Democrat presidential nominee and was equally fated to be crushed like a beercan. In less than a month, Dean went from being the presumed nominee to becoming a punchline. And a hackneyed one at that. From front runner to humilated bottom feeder in less than a month. Wow.
How could this have happened? I've been following big time presidential races for twenty years now. The first race that I actually remember was 1984. It came as shock to me that elections aren't ordinarily won by 49 state margins. The one constant in politics is that, once you build a certain level of momentemum, you're pretty much unstoppable. Screeching halts are very rare. Yet, that's precisely what happened to Dean. At one point, he was ahead of the current front runner, John Kerry by over thirty points in both Iowa and New Hampshire. He ended up losing both by over 13. As I write this, there have been 9 primaries or caucuses. Dean has yet to win one. He hasn't even placed second in one.
Dean appears to have placed all of his eggs in three different baskets, Michigan, Washington state and Wisconsin. He's doomed in all three. Washington, which should be a Dean stronghold is pretty much lost. Michigan, which I told people who live there that Dean will carry without breaking a sweat has him 37 points down. Dean has stopped talking about winning either state. Dean is hinging everything on Wisconsin. If he loses there, he says, he's dead. If today's polling is anything to go by, Dean should hop in the coffin now. It's over.
As I write this, former candidate Richard Gephardt and Michigan's highly fuckable Canadian Governor, Jennifer Granholm are beating the drums for Kerry. With Gephardt's union following, and Granholm's polling (and dare I say, spectacular cans), Kerry's lead should jump another 10 points by tomorrow's voting. Howard Dean is finished. The most incredible act of political suicide has reached it's final denoument.
Godspeed, you demented bastard. Godspeed.
Turns out that the American people don't want a guy who can raise a ton of money and scream state names really loudly as president. Maybe he can get a job in the WWF, or whatever they call it this week.
Anyhow, this is a pretty good eulogy for Dean.
This is the reaction of my future bride and Seanator Lurch to Dean's impending humiliation
Maybe Kerry could make the convention interesting and tear half of Granholm's bodice off, exposing her right breast. He's going to lose anyway. He may as well have fun and make for some good TV while he's at it.
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