|
|
Thursday, February 12, 2004
|
|
PESTILENCE! DEFEAT! DOOM! BROADS! NOTES FROM THE "THIS JUST IN" DESK
John Kerry has a little problem. For all of his talk about the sanctity of marriage (which he agrees with the Bush administration should be between a man and a woman....or not), he reportedly has a small problem with his own wedding vows, so sayeth
the Drudge Report.
According to the report, Kerry's affair with an unnamed Associated Press intern is hardly a secret, either. ABC, Time, the AP, the Hill and the Washington Post are all investigating the story. The Clark and Dean campaigns appear to be conversant with the details as well. Clark went so far as to tell a number of reporters this week that "Kerry will implode over an intern issue." Three reporters confirmed the quote to Drudge. This report appears to be the reason the Dean campaign is staying in the race past his expected humiliation in Wisconsin next Tuesday.
Senator Kerry appears to be aware of just how problematic this story is and has reportedly driven his consort out of the country.
If true, Kerry has one and only chance to survive the story. He calls a press conference this afternoon, before the major media piles on and admits everything. He can then challenge the other campaigns, and more importantly, Bush/Cheney, to use his family problems to their political benefit. This would engender enough public sympathy that Kerry could still survive and win the nomination. Of course, Bush would beat the piss out of him in the fall, but that was going to happen anyway.
The best part is, Kerry won't do it. He'll lie. He's already lied about how he appears to have become Dorian Gray in New Hampshire and he'll lie about this. He'll figure that if it worked for President Clinton, it'll work for him. This demonstrates that John Kerry is simply too shockingly stupid to be president. Firstly, Bill Clinton was a masterful politician and a breathtakingly good liar. Secondly, Bill Clinton was already president! his rabidly loyal partisans were able to frame the argument in such a way that Clinton shouldn't be the first president to be removed from office in American history simply because of poorly aimed cum shot. That argument overlooked petty felonies like perjury and witness tampering and made the issue sex and they won.
John Kerry doesn't have the advantages that Bill Clinton did. He doesn't have the charisma, the political skills or even the brains of Bill Clinton. And he certainly isn't an incumbent president. John Kerry is a souless, half-bright, Boston ward heeler and if he gets in front of this story and lies - and he will - then he's dead. It will take the press about two days to find the girlfriend and hound the truth out of her and then Kerry is exposed as a craven liar and will be doomed. He might still win the nomination anyway but he'll be so mercilessly shithammered by the other Democratic candidates, that Bush won't even need to get out of bed to beat Kerry. He could start drinking again and still horse-whip Kerry.
The absolute funniest part of this story is that it comes on the heels of the president's National Guard scandal. The Guard story was ressurrected by DNC Chairman (and Clinton bagman) Terry McCaulliffe three weeks ago as a warning. The Democrats watched as Team Bush vivisected Senator John McCain in 2000 and they wanted him to know that they can fight dirty, too. And along came this story about their presumtive nominees pecadilloes. And there doesn't appear to be any Republican fingerprints on it. This couldn't be any better.
But don't think that Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are doing the fucking Macarena in the West Wing over this. Bush's political types WANT to go into the fall against either Kerry or Dean. They're the most beatable Democrats out there. The last Democrat from the north east to win the presidency was Jack Kennedy in 1960 and he had to steal Texas and Cook County, Illinois to do it. The last northeastern Democrat to win fairly was Franklin Roosevelt some 60 years ago. If Kerry is fatally wounded by this story, that gives the nomination to Senator John Edwards of North Carolina. Edwards scares the unholy hell out of the Bush folks. He's a charismatic southerner who no one has ever heard of before. I think we all know how well candidates named Bush do against obscure, charismatic southeners....
I'm not sure I could be deeper in love with this story.
|
|
|
| |
