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Saturday, March 13, 2004
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BETTER YET, LET'S EAT THE VEGETARIANS!
My agoraphobia keeps me out of most mass social movements. Okay, my agoraphobia and my disdain for most things human. But there exceptions to every rule and today, dear reader, I shall pontificate on one of my favorites.
I hate vegetarians. I don't mean to say that I hate vegetarianism, I hate vegetarians themselves. As people. They disgust and repulse me. I always have and I suspect that I always will. My loathing isn't based on their refusal to participate in the food chain, although that is certainly a part of it. I detest and fear the world view of these people. If these folks were merely protesting protein, I suppose I could let that go. I'm a "live and let live" kind of guy that way.
But as is often the case, the activism of vegetarians often doesn't stop at befriending things that go "moo" and "baa." While patently ridiculous, this relatively benign. Its the other agendas of our tofu-loving brethren that disturbs me. These people want to take the fun out of everything. Vegetarians have a great batting record at getting their panties in a bunch over things I like. Things like nuclear weapons.
I was 14 years old when The Day After, a boneheaded, peacenic, film about the after effects of a nuclear war was shown and shitheads everywhere (but mostly in Europe and Canada) marched the streets in protest. I've always thought, and history bears me out on this, that nuclear weaponry is fucking wonderful. All one need do is to look at history, pre-nukes. How often did major powers go to war with one another? If you answered, "Every ten minutes" you win. And how many people were killed in those wars? Hundreds of millions. Now, how many full-bore major power wars were there, post-Manhattan Project? None. Accordingly, one can surmise that nuclear weapons have prevented major wars.
I remember those protests pretty clearly. Most of the protesters didn't appear to have enjoyed a good rack of ribs in eons. I was impressionable as a child, so I've forever equated vegetarianism with earnestness. And earnestness, as P.J O'Rourke once said, is stupidity sent to college.
Of all the activist groups that annoy me (and they are many for they are legion) PETA may well be the one that puts a bug the furthest up my ass. PETA routinely goes to the most offensive lengths to make retarded points. Once PETA realized that milk does indeed come from cows and was therefore bad, they put up billboards parodying the "Got Milk" campaign. In these billboards, the posted a picture of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani over the slogan "Got Cancer." I'd be okay with this as long as that was offensive as it got. It wasn't. Last year, PETA ran a campaign declaring, "Meat: its the Holocaust on a plate." That is going to far. Equating sirloin with the systematic murder of 6 million human beings is as morally wrong as it is illogical. That campaign is an insult to the intelligence of the living and a mockery of the memory of the dead.
At that point, my annoyance with PETA evolved into a blinding, white-hot hatred.Which is good. My hatred is the only thing that makes me feel whole anymore.
So as soon as I learned about "Eat An Animal For PETA Day" I got right on board. Shit, if these idiots want to get offensive, as John Kerry insists on saying, "Bring it on!" I practically invented being offensive. I can get right behind that. Besides, I've always maintained that meat is NOT murder....It's delicious.
A couple of my favorite bloggers have created "Eat An Animal For PETA" day posters. I have ruthlessly stolen them for your enjoyment. I recommend you flavor each with garlic salt and HP sauce and dig in.
This one is from A Small Victory
I found this one (inappropriate and, therefore, hilarious) at Allahpundit
And this is my personal favorite, again from Allahpundit
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