|
|
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
|
|
TALK ABOUT THE PASSION, PART THE FIFTH
Crime is really taking it in the nuts since the Ash Wednesday release of Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. In the five weeks since the film's release, more crimes have been solved than Mel himself solved in all four Lethal Weapon movies. Jesus is quite the crime fighter. For the sequel, Mel could shuck the crown of thorns and loin cloth and put the Lamb of God in a rockin' unitard. It would skew heavily to the 18-34 male demographic too
This idea is not without some problems, though. The Gospels would need a dialogue rewrite. All crime fighting action heroes have snazzy catch phrases and, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do" is on the longish side to spit out every time you blow somebody's face off. Another deviation from the book would also be necessary. You see, Jesus was a little passive for an action hero. In the next movie, he'd have to fight off getting crucified.
Oh, sorry. I went off point for a second. I told you that happens from time to time.
Actually, what was getting to before my unfortunate script-pitch was this, another criminal confessed upon seeing Mel's love letter to the undead. This time in Norway. And a neo-Nazi firebomber with a double murder conviction to boot. If you ask me, this far more impressive than the guy who smoked his girlfriend in Texas. Neo-Nazis are famously hard to crack. Anyone who's seen The Boys from Brazil will tell you that.
It turns out that the improbably - named -for - a - Norwegian Johnny Olsen (no, not the cub reporter at the Daily Planet)
had a thing for making buildings go boom. In a seemingly political stand against irony, Olsen bombed a counter-culture hangout in Oslo called Blitz House. Twice. It appears Johnny's chaos skills lack in the bombing area.
But he is good at old fashioned murder. This is the best part too:
"Olsen was sentenced to 18 years in prison after the double murder of two youths on a remote forest road in Hadeland in 1981. He was released on probation after serving 12 years."
Yikes. And here I was thinking that Canada has a frighteningly liberal criminal justice system. Even here, two teenagers would get you 25 years. Okay, unless your name is Karla Homolka. Then you get 12.
But Jesus fixed it all better. I hope the Word consoles him during the 10-15 minutes that Johnny is locked up.
Currently Reading: "POTUS Speaks: Finding the Words That Defined the Clinton Presidency" by Michael Waldman
Number of Days Since I've Had Sex: 604
|
|
|
| |
