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Friday, March 26, 2004
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"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN ONE POSITION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?" THOUGHTS ON THE CHURCH OF THE NEW POONTANG
My period of unemployment has been a time of reflection for me. Before the unfortunate loss of my job (which I might finally be able to write about this time next week), I was unaware of what my main personal deficiency was. Now I do. I was spiritually empty. I had no center. It turns out this was problematic. But hey, what could I do about it? After all, I busy making a living.
I only came to discover this this morning as I perused my blogroll. Once I landed on Judyisms, I found my salvation.
First, I should offer a little background. I was raised Roman Catholic. I was baptized and sent off to Catholic schools for the first 11 years of my education. Catholicism alone is enough to turn one off of religion entirely. Imagine if you will, being the only male child in a Catholic institution who wasn't fondled by a Priest. Ultimately, that I left the faith. I abdandoned the Church because it didn't make me feel pretty. Besides, I'm pretty sure that all my childhood friends are enjoying their settlement money from the Toronto Diocese right now and I get squat. Bastards! Not only did the Church leave me with no self-esteem, I'm broke to boot!
When it came time for the rite of Confirmation, in the seventh grade, I was one of three students -and the only Catholic- to decline.
My spritual quest pretty much ended there. In the seventh grade I was thirteen years old. That, of course, is when I began my quixotic mission of getting laid. Okay, I can't lie to you folks....it was a kamakazie mission. Then of course, I dropped out of high school and got a job. Then I quit my job and went to college. Then I dropped out of college and have been working pretty much constantly ever since. Like I said, I've been too busy to worry about trivial things like my soul.
Besides, I distrust religious organizations for the same reason I distrust political parties. They expect blind fealty without offering any logical reason for doing so. Oh, and most other humans sicken me. If it were up to me, I'd never spend time with other humans. Just sex robots. Me and a desert island of sex-bots.
But this morning I found the answer. I've often been told that concepts such as Truth and Faith were beautiful things but I had never before been confronted with evidence of that. This morning however, I was. Therefore, I am devoting my life to bearing witness to the Church of the New Poontang.
The Church's mission statement touched me in ways that no actual person has in 21 months now. The coming events seem promising indeed. The clergy appears to be a group that I can relate to. Like all good Churches, they even have a newsletter for the faithful.
In closing, I was once was lost but now I'm found.
I'll leave the whole, "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord" alone for now lest 0phelia find it chessy. Hey...that reminds me, I need a high priestess....
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