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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
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"YOU GET NOTHIN' FOR NOTHIN' IF THAT'S WHAT YOU DO"
The mental disintegration of W. Axl Rose is continuing along nicely. If you don't see Axl for awhile, you start to wonder if he somehow suddenly became sane. For example, Rose hadn't been seen in public for 9 years and I grew worried that he was living a happy, well-adjusted life out there somewhere. That would be unfortunate. I like my rock stars unpredictable and psychotic. And you don't get more unpredictable and psychotic than Axl Rose.
At their height in the early '90's, you never knew what you were going to get with a Guns N' Roses show. I saw them twice, once in the Spring of '91, before the Use Your Illusion albums came out and they played nearly 3 hours of songs no one had heard before and then again in the summer of '92. This would have been during the infamous GN'R/Metallica/Faith No More tour.
I was really excited about that show. I loved Guns N'Roses, Metallica had yet to start really sucking and I had seen Faith No More in a small club in Toronto a couple of years earlier and was really impressed. As a matter of fact, it was FNM that had convinced me that, in the unlikely event that I got married, I wanted my bride to walk down the asile to the strains of "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath, a dream I stand by to this day. I couldn't wait for this fucking show.
I woke up on the morning of show day all aflutter with excitement. Then I turned on CNN and learned the show had been cancelled. Turns out the tour had been in Montreal the night before. The show began with Faith No More playing without incident. Things went quickly downhill from there. James Hetfield of Metallica proceeded to fucking explode on stage during their set. End of Metallica's show. About two hours later, Guns N' Roses come on. Axl couldn't hear himself through the stage monitors and walked off about six songs into the show. In what became the eighty-third riot of the Use Your Illusion tour, fans subsequently destroyed large swaths of Montreal. The Toronto show was postponed for three weeks.
It wasn't a bad show, either. Metallica didn't suck, even though they had to get another guitarist to substitute for the newly armless James Hetfield and Axl went on a five minute tirade about Kurt Cobain being a dick. It was funny.
Then GN'R disappeared. Every few months, a new rumour would surface about new material coming out. There was a collection of punk covers that was recorded during the Illusion sessions, but that didn't really count. They also released a cover of the Stones' "Sympathy for the Devil" that really sucked hard. Then nothing. Well not nothing. In ten minute intervals, press releases were issued that various members of the band had quit or been fired. By late 1996, Axl Rose was the only guy in Guns N' Roses.
Slowly but surely, Axl rebuilt GN'R in his own image - an image that included the Replacements' bassist, Primus' drummer and a guitarist who wears a kubuki mask and a KFC bucket as a tophat. Things looked bleak. Then in January 2000, the band did some shows to generally positive reviews. Word was that a new album was ready to go. Then........Nothing. More years passed and no album.
Finally, in the fall of 2002, a "comeback" tour was announced. The problem was that at this point, no one cared. It didn't help that Axl got fat and couldn't sing like he used to. It also didn't help that he missed the very first show, in Vancouver, and a riot resulted. Just like the old days, except more half-hearted. The shows didn't sell and Axl had continuing problems showing up to them and finally, the promoters shut down the whole tour before everyone went broke. Then Axl disappeared again.
This left Geffen Records in a pinch. After the Illusion records sold a billion copies, GN'R renegotiated their contract and got a zillion dollars out of Geffen. For a long time, it didn't matter that Guns were on vacation because, hey, they had Nirvana. But since Nirvana has been on a suicide-imposed hiatus for a decade, Geffen would like some product. That's where Greatest Hits albums come in. Everyone is annoyed by Greatest Hits albums but they always sell between 2 and 3 million copies, even if your band really sucks (which means Metallica should have a Greatest Hits album really soon.) That's why everybody's contract has a provision for one. Geffen is trying to release a Guns N' Roses Greatest Hits album. Axl, being Axl is pissed off by this. Even Slash and Duff got into the act.
Slash and Duff at least have a reason to be pissed. They have a new band with the chronically fucked-up Scott Weiland that is releasing an album on RCA/BMG in May and a GN'R set will interfere with sales. Axl is just being Axl and doesn't need a reason to be pissy. Axl et all contended that Geffen doesn't have the right to alter the master recordings (by remixing or remastering the songs) without their consent. This is, to put it legally, Bullshit. Musicians almost never own their masters, the record company does. That's why Prince started writing "Slave" on his cheek and George Michael and Courtney Love sued everyone in sight. It therefore comes as no suprise to hear that GN'R's requested injunction was refused this morning.
The real news here is that Universal has dumped 13 million dollars into Axl's oft-delayed comeback record. This is just for production. If the fucking album ever does get done, it'll cost millions more in distribution and marketing. "Chinese Democracy" could end up costing over $20 million! Woweeee!
Quick lesson in the music business, talent and labels don't measure profits from retail costs, they use wholesale as a benchmark. So for every 18 dollar CD you buy, the artist and label only count it as about 9 bucks. Also, whatever production costs are incurred in making a record are deducted from the artists royalties before they get paid anything. A band of Guns N' Roses stature (when their contract was renegotiated in the early 90's) probably has a royalty rate of 10-15%. 10% of 9 dollars is 90 cents. Assuming production, marketing and distribution costs of $20 million, "Chinese Democracy" is going to have to sell somewhere in the neighbourhood of 25 million records before Axl Rose sees dime one.
Not only is Axl crazy, he'll very probably be bankrupt soon, too.
It should be fun to watch.
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