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Friday, April 16, 2004
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THE CRTC MUST BE DESTROYED SOON
Its no secret that Canada is a huge proponent of big government. While the more liberal of my American readers may applaud such Canadian goodies as socialised medicine and subsidized prescription drugs, they would be horrified by the other implications of big government. For example, Canadians currently do not have the right to watch HBO, Cinemax, Showtime or even Fox News. As a matter of fact, Canadians enjoy the right to own a sattelite dish only if it is sold by one of two companies. Period, no exceptions. If the government chose to enforce the existing laws (which they currently don't), anyone found to be in possession of an "illegal" dish would have it confiscated and the owner would be fined.
Just as the United States has the Federal Communications Commission, Canada has the Canadian Radio and Telecommunications commission. While the FCC's charter is concerned mostly with lisencing individual stations and policing antiquated and ridiculous "decency" standards, the CRTC has much broader powers and responsibilities. The CRTC is empowered to use its ability to lisence as a means of protecting "Canadian culture." While the FCC does not get involve in the programming of an individual station, or involve itself at all in the operation of cable companies, the CRTC's primary function is to gerrymander the programming offered by individual cable companies.
While shows like the Sopranos and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy are available in Canada, HBO and (the U.S version of) Bravo are not. Neither are Fox News or ESPN. The Daily Show is on in Canada, but Comedy Central is not. Those individual shows are sold by the U.S networks and broadcast on Canadian stations. The Canadian broadcasting industry is considered to be so small and pathetic that direct competition would destroy it in short order. This is because Canadian broadcasting is largely shit. Actually, I should take that back, The Canadian Broadcasting Coroporation (Canada's national broadcaster) actually has a decent Monday night line-up now. Other than that, the CBC is a giant corporation, directly financed by taxpayer dollars and offers only hockey games and Beachcombers re-runs.
It gets better. Under "Canadian culture" regulations, 30% of all broadcasting must consist of "Canadian content." This is the 30% that most Canadians don't watch. But we get to pay for it. Unlike the Americans, who have tax breaks as an incentive to keep production in certain states or cities, most Canadian productions are directly sibsidized by the federal government. Even better still, the then-Minister of Canadian Heritage (yes, such an office actually exists), Shelia Copps actually proposed that the CRTC use its powers over the telephone and cable industries to enforce the Canadian content regulations on the Internet. Under such a plan, this blog would be unavailable in Canada, at least in theory. I'm a Canadian citizen, this blog is written entirely in Canada and therefore might be considered Canadian content. But given that ost of my subject matter is American or international in nature, it might not. That argument is academic anyway, since Blogger is an American company, I probably wouldn't be able to access my own blog as my ISP would block it.
The rules are almost incomprehensible. Under the existing regulations, Bryan Adams is not considered Canadian content as his songs are co-written and produced by Mr. Shania Twain, Robert "Mutt" Lange, a South African national. However, Shania Twain, whose songs are also co-written and produced by the same Mutt Lange, IS considered Canadian content.
Go figure. No one can really figure out how the rules apply or how they'll be enforced on a given day. This is a big reason why anyone with any talent gets the fuck out of this country as soon as possible. Oh, the idea of actually making a living helps, too. Then there's our evil plan to rule America through our cunning mastery of the Entertainment industry, but I'm not allowed to talk about that. I'll just say that I hope you really like Jim Carrey and Alanis Morressette because soon theywill be your overlords!
The cable companies are finally starting to get smart though. Last year, they tried to get approval for dozens of American stations all at once and were nearly laughed right out the country. Now they're going slow, trying to get one at a time. Fox News should be first. This will be fantastic if it comes to pass. Canadians all know just how obnoxious Geraldo Rivera is from his daytime and CNBC shows, but the O'Reilly Factor is unknown here. We'll detest him. Shepherd Smith, too.
Fox News will be a HUGE initial hit here. Its loud, obnoxious and stupid; far more show business than actual news. It'll drive Canadians fucking INSANE.
And that alone makes it worth the price of admission.
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