|
|
Monday, April 05, 2004
|
|
"******* GREAT! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME ***, YOU SEXY *****!"
Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I consider myself something of an artist with the dirty talk. I've been told that it's quite the turn on to listen to. You wouldn't think so, particularly since I have a voice much like Jerry Lewis' in the Nutty Professor. I don't hear the proper pitch of my voice, when I hear myself, I hear the voice of James Earl Ray....I mean JONES! James Earl Jones. Anyhow, erotic talk is one of the few skills I have that I'm proud of.
But, as is usually the case, there's someone out there who's better at it than me.
Truth be told, we can't be entirely sure if David Beckham talks dirty, but his fingers are filthy! Beckham, who is married to the most fuckable of the Spice Girls, The Artist Formerly Known as Posh (actually, there's the perfect three way, Posh, Scary ....and Barryjoe), is alleged to be having an affair with some model. Beckham is of course denying this. Its no fun when celebrities admit transgressions right away. We want to watch them squirm for awhile, as one does. Then they confess and we pat them on the head and all is forgiven. Or the Senate acquits them on a partisan vote and they complete their presidential term. Tomato/tomota.
Anyhow, here's the story thus far. British tabloid gets photos of Beckham and aforementioned model in car and entering hotel. Beckham denies that he had sexual relations with that broad, Miss Whatshername. Lo and behold, British tabloid comes up with IM messages between the two. I wonder how that happened?
Other than the fact that I love the car wreck that is the life of your average, vapid celebrity, I find stories like this compelling. Anytime a celebrity fucks around on his celebrity wife, its almost ALWAYS with a woman far less attractive than the aforementioned bride. I've seen pictures of the Beckham girlfriend. She's not that hot. Posh on the other hand is a piece of ass! Well, unless she smiles. The British are a funny people, the established an empire "where the sun never sets" and built the world's most impressive navy, but they could never quite get dentistry down.
Sorry, I was rambling again. What was my point?
Oh yeah, Posh Spice Beckham or whatever the fuck she's called this week, is smoking hot. But so is Halle Berry. In fact, Halle Berry is probably the most beautiful woman alive, and she's had not one but TWO husbands cheat on her. I've always wondered how this happened. How do you throw something like Posh or Halle away for something that's relatively...excuse me for the crass phrasing, ladies....a pig? Especially, when you know as a certainty that you're going to get busted for it.
I've only ever heard two plausible explanations. The first is that women that gorgeous and pampered are a big pain in the ass and not everybody has O.J's luck. The second is courtesey of Bill Maher, who in his novel, "True Story", posited, "Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I'll show you a guy who's tired of fucking her."
I'm not sure if one, both, or neither explanation is correct, but there's gotta be SOME explanation.
One thing I did love about the transcipts of the dirty IM's was the editing. The Evening Standard didn't address whether they edited the naughty bits out or if Becks just typed them like that. After all, he is British and they have a reputation for being reserved.
|
|
|
| |
