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Saturday, April 10, 2004
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HAPPY EASTER FROM THE PHILIPPINES
You know how some Pentecostal fundamentalist sects in places like Alabama prove their devotion to Christ by handling snakes? Pretty creepy, but it does give them bragging rights over other Christians, whom they view as ecclesiastical pussies. "You think you dig Jesus? Beat this!" Granted, a few of these folks get bitten every year and get to meet Jesus far ahead of schedule. The jury remains out as to whether Jesus laughs at them upon their arrival.
Catholics are really no different, with the exception that their fundamentalists are really old school. Most people think that Mel Gibson is uber-Catholic, and he is, but he's not super hard-core. That prize goes to the good boys and girls of the Philippines. Sure, snake handling is impressive for your more pedestrian believers, but crucifixion is really hard to beat for flair and "beat THAT" one-upsmanship. Come to think of it, these folks may even top Jesus himself for devotion. As I remember it, Christ didn't get a vote on his crucifixion. These people line up for it.
And to demonstrate that anything worth doing is worth overdoing, the Philippinos go whole hog with it. They dress up as Roman centurions and engage in self-flagellation. In going that extra mile, they even use real nails in the crucifixion. A good analogy would be if those Civil War re-enactors actually burned Richmond every weekend and used real bullets.
The entire ceremony is done in exacting detail. Well, there are certain exceptions. The use of nails was specific to Jesus in crucifixion. Usually criminal offenders were tied to the cross. In this version everyone gets nailed up. Oh, and women get to play, too. Its good to see that equality has made such strides in a Catholic country. Its almost progressive, in a super demented way.
The only drawback to the Phillippino crucifixion parade is that foreigners are no longer allowed to play. Here's why.
In 1995, a japanese man named Shinichiro Kaneko was crucified, ostensibly in an attempt to heal his brother's terminal illness. It was later discovered that Kaneko was a porn star in Japan, who used the footage in an extreme porn film. Naturally, filipinos worldwide were not amused. After this incident, foreigners were banned from taking part in the crucifixion ceremony.
That's right, crucifixion porn. I hate it when other people have all the best ideas before me.
I suppose my point is this, no matter how close you think your relationship with God is, there's always going to be someone determined to prove that their relationship is closer. Religion is kind of like high school or an Internet chat room that way. And if there were two things I was never good at, it was religious devotion and high school politics. I never had much of an interest in either and was always mystified by the energy devoted to both.
I'm funny that way, I suppose.
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