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Saturday, April 03, 2004
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HOW TO GET AHEAD IN BUSINESS WITHOUT EVEN TRYING
In this era of depersonalized business decisions, I'm amazed that there remains a vast market that remained unexploited until this week. That market? The suicidal.
It's a truism that first impressions are the most important, but I would argue that last impressions are of equal value. It's bad enough when loved ones find your body and have to clean up the mess, but imagine if they can't read a hasty, illegible note? Or worse still, no note at all. Sure, a letter to a federal judge might be a good way to express your feelings and there's a certain flair to smoking yourself in front of a witness, but nothing beats a well written, neat suicide note.
Just think of the difference this service would've made to Kurt Cobain's suicide note. Granted, the grammar and syntax would still be a mess, but it would be a lot easier to read and prettier to look at if it was professionally printed.
Of course, this service doesn't actually help with the crafting of the note itself. Since I'm so helpful, I'll point any and all of my readers with self-snuffing impulses here. That's a very helpful resource. If you're killing yourself out of laziness, I suggest this site, where you're note literally writes itself, with often hilarious results. Remember, your self-inflicted demise may or may not be a mournful time for your loved ones. Try to insert some levity into the occassion. They'll thank you for it.
I love it when businesses break into new and exciting markets.
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