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Wednesday, April 28, 2004
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THE WAY ELECTIONS SHOULD BE
"In Washington....Ruining people is considered a sport."
-From the suicide note of Vincent Foster
I know, I know. It seems that all I write about are elections and erections. Those appear to be the only two things I know anything about. On the other hand, they are also two things that Bob Dole is really bad at. God, I've been waiting a LONG time to use that joke on this blog.
I'm not much for sports. I find them too gentlemanly, and if I was looking for that, I'd be enthusiastic about cricket or some other such nonsense. Instead, my interest gravitates to the blood sports, such as boxing. And until the return of throwing Christians to lions (which I think will be great for TV ratings), politics is as close as a civilized society permits itself to come to a true blood sport.
As F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about American life, there are very few second acts in American politics. Particularly in presidential politics, if you're a major party nominee and you lose, that's it. You're over. The last time a losing nominee was renominated by a major party was Richard Nixon in 1968 (Nixon being being the only case in US history where a candidate took eight years between elections and won, although I have a sneaking suspicion that Al Gore is going to try.) The days of a William Jennings Bryan being nominated over and over again are long gone. American elections are too big and too expensive for the perennial loser. You only get one bite at the apple these days.
So what does one do after losing the brass ring? Sure, you can write a book that only people like me will ever read (I find books about losing campaigns are often more entertaining and instructive than those about winning ones.) Or you can go work as a lobbyist and make a fuckload of money and moonlight as a television analyst. Christ, you can even pitch Viagra. Or you can do something really novel.
I can't think of a better concession speech than a suicide note. Ultimately, it's less humiliating and more to the point. Besides, it has that touch of Japanese classicism about it that hard to beat. If you're going to lose anyway, you may as well go out memorably.
Anyways, if anybody has a contact within the Kerry campaign, pass it on.
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