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Monday, May 24, 2004
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NOT HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN
A powerful politician is accused of using his police bodyguards to fascilitate and presumably cover up his sexual liasons with women not his wife. This sounds familiar, right? Everybody vaugely remembers a story like this emerging from Arkansas about ten years ago. If we're all on the same page, we'd be thinking that, "Oh Christ, Bill Clinton is at it again?"
We'd be wrong to think that. Mostly because the former president is protected by the United States Secret Service and not the local police.
Instead, this is the latest adventure of Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Other than having one of the best names in politics (Kwame....must be Irish!), at 33, he is the youngest mayor in Detroit history and the youngest current mayor of a major American city. Word has it that Kilpatrick likes poontang, as young guys often do. Most people are grown up enough to understand that powerful men will chase strange trim whenever given the opportunity. The problem generally arises when offical resources are used in that persuit. Then there's problems like lawsuits and the inevitible perjury that arises from them.
Kilpatrick is a rising star in the Democratic party. He is a leader of the Democratic Leadership Council (which in his only accurate statement, Howard Dean referred to as, "The Republican wing of the Democratic party") and he likes railing many broads. Sound familiar? Of course it does. This guy is a dusky Bill Clinton. All he needs is a cokehead brother and a pushy wife and the picture is complete.
Not that wanting to be Bill Clinton is a necessary stupid thing to do if you're a Democrat. After all, Clinton was the first Democratic president to be re-elected since Franklin Roosevelt. He was a masterful politician, as one would expect a draft dodger who beat two war heroes to be. He left the presidency with a 64% approval rating, which is incredibly impressive given that he had broken every law known to god and man, was impeached and couldn't get 50% of the popular vote in either of his elections.
But there are some lessons that should have been learned from the Clinton years. Firstly, avoid being sued by the chicks you nail. Secondly, if your bodyguards were around while picking up said chicks, don't fire them to shut them up because they'll sue you, too. Thirdly, when sued, do NOT lie under oath. This is commonly known as perjury. If you lie to other people about it, with the expectation that they'll repeat that lie under oath, that is obstruction of justice.
Kilpatrick is currently being sued by his former bodyguards for the reasons I just detailed. He may well be stupid enough to think that he will get away with it because Clinton did. This overlooks a few things of some importance. The first being, that Clinton didn't get away with it. He was impeached by the House of Representatives, only the second president to be so branded and the only elected one (the first, Andrew Johnson, assumed office following the Lincoln assissination. He was aquitted by the Senate by one vote.) When the history is written 100 years from now, Clinton will be only remembered for his impeachment. Regardless of his popularity, Clinton didn't have the achievements of a Harry Truman, a Lyndon Johnson or even a Richard Nixon.
There is also a significant difference between being mayor of Detroit and being president of the United States. No serious person believes that a sitting president can be indicted. Even if a president were indicted AND convicted, so what? You couldn't get him out of office with the U.S marshals, at least not while the president still controls the military. Impeachment is the only recourse against an incumbent president. On the other hand, mayors, governors and members of Congress are indicted and convicted all the time. Once upon a time there was a mayor of Boston named James Micheal Curley. Curley was actually elected to Congress while serving jail time for crimes committed as mayor.
If things play out the way I tink they will, this story is going to get really funny. Everyone should read the Detroit papers to keep up.
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