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Wednesday, May 19, 2004
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THIS JUST IN: POLITICIANS ARE EVIL, VOTERS ARE STUPID!
I'm sure every victim of date rape will tell you the same story. "He was so sweet," they'd start. "He seemed so in touch with my feelings, he made me feel like I was the only person in a crowded room," the story usually continues. It usually goes on and on about how she was sure that he was the one, his constant crotch-grabbing and mutterings of, "giving that bitch what she really needs" notwithstanding.
Just as a victim lets a date rapist into her home, Ontario allowed Dalton McGuinty into Queen's Park
Today, the nine million citizens of Ontario can empathize with a victim of date rape. You'd need a really big support group to fit us all following the reading of yesterday's Ontario budget.To fully explain, I'd need to give you a little background on Ontario (and by extension, Canadian politics.) There are basically three parties here; the Conservatives (who, by American standards, might be conservative enough to be considered Democrats), the NDP (who get laughed at by communists for being "overly idealistic") and the Liberals.
The Liberals don't really believe in much of anything, except getting elected. Of course, they're pretty good at that. Federally, the Liberals are known as "Canada's natural governing party." The Liberals have to fuck up HORRIBLY for the Conservatives to win a federal election. This is somewhat less true in Ontario. Canada has an interesting relationship with Ontario. The relationship consists of the rest of Canada hating Ontario because we have most of the people and all of the money. Accordingly, Ontario votes contrary to whichever party holds power in Ottawa. If the Liberals hold national power, as they did pretty much uninterrupted between 1934 and 1984, Ontario will have a Conservative provincial government, as was the case for forty years, ending in 1985 and resuming in 1995.
Then the Conservatives fucked up horribly, for reasons I detailed in my post on the Ontario provincial election last October.
They did not fuck-up so horribly, however, that Ontarians did not naturally overcome their natural distrust over the provincial Liberals. The Conservative platform essentially consisted of the following; "If you vote Liberal, they'll take all of your fucking money!" Liberal leader Dalton McGuinty responded, in his advertising, by saying the following, "As Premier, I will not raise your taxes." He didn't even use any neat, Clinton qualifiers, which was surprising considering that the party sent McGuinty to the DNC's candidate beauty school in Chicago in the months before the election.
Bill Clinton, his misunderstanding of the word "is" notwithstanding, was incredible at qualifications. In '92, he pretty much said the following, "George Bush was wrong to say, 'Read my lips, no new taxes' but I won't raise your taxes." Then when he actually did raise taxes, he emphasized the former part of the statement rather than the later. Clinton was full of shit, but full of shit in a highly entertaining way.
The Conservative government of Ernie Eves was so insanely unpopular with virtually everyone last October, that people actually bought the McGuinty party line. It was much more than a Liberal victory, it was a Conservative bloodbath. Virtually everyone who was anyone in the Conservative cabinet was eliminated. Not only was the king taken down, so were the pretenders to the throne. The entire line of succession was wiped out. And within 24 hours of winning, McGuinty started breaking his promises.
Then came yesterday's budget.
What the budget essentially said was, "Of course we lied. We're Liberals! Haven't you idiots figured us out yet?" Actually,they said it like this way
"I know what the commitment was," Finance Minister Greg Sorbara said before delivering his budget speech. But the government chose to keep money flowing to the health and education systems, he said, and that would not have been possible if it had kept its tax promises.
"It's the reality of the work that we do," Mr. Sorbara said.
The most controversial part of the budget is the new, "health premiums." Most people think Canada has "free" health care. Government programs, however, are much like marriage. Single guys get married thinking that it will ensure "free" blowjobs. Then one morning they wake up at 3AM to change 19 dirty diapers and worry about mortage payments. In much the same spirit, voters demand free health care, but reserve the right to be outraged when they their taxes every year. Is it trickery? Maybe if you're a moron, it is.
But Ontarians have grown accustomed to their "free" health care under the Ontario Health Insurance Plan, or OHIP. In yesterday's budget, the Liberals imposed "premiums"above and beyond what is contributed to the system from employer and payroll levies.
In fact, the health-care premium is comparable to an increase on personal income taxes of 13 per cent
Loosely translated, that means that I'm getting dinged for $300.00 a year. But it gets better. You see, Dr. Reverend, who makes between three and four times what I do in average year, will get hit for $750.00. Even factoring in Mrs. Doctor Reverend's income (which puts their income at easily five times mine) the premium stands for that bracket. This is hardly "progressive" as defined by the Liberals. But that's okay, they call themselves the party of the little guy.
This is, of course, a mere finger in a dyke that is about to collapse. Universal health care in Canada faces precisely the same problems that Social Security does in the United States, those problems being demographics and math. The problems are seemingly intractable yet the government of Ontario is throwing money into a sinkhole. Actually, I might feel better if the money was going into a specifically designated sinkhole marked "health care." It isn't. That money goes into general revenue, just like all the other goodies the government grabs. This means that the health care money will go to some Bulgarian Lesbian Dance troupe in Burlington. Or to fund An Avril Lavinge lookalike contest in her hometown of Napanee.
The best part was, McGuinty announced the probable premiums in Detroit, Michigan on Monday. Such is the state of Canadian politics that one can feel safer in Detroit making that announcement than in say, Windsor, Ontario- a whole five minutes away.
If you're anything like me, you'd want to drink and smoke yourself into oblivion in the vain hope that the government would be destroyed by the time the hangover passes. Guess what? They got you there, too. Here is the new "sin tax" table.
Cigarettes (20 pk): up 27 cents
Cigarettes ( carton of 200): up $2.68
Spirits (750 ml): up 25 cents
Beer (24-341 ml bottles): up 45 cents
Coolers (24-341 ml bottles): up 15 cents
Wine (750 ml): up 15 cents
"Sin taxes" are particularly insidious. The intellectual concept is to punish behavior that government feels is "an economic drain on our health care system" and thereby prevent and discourage such behaviors. This is among the most vicious dishonesties propagated by politicians regardless of party. If a product caused so much health care and economic ruin that government intervention were necessary, that product would be banned in a minute. You needn't believe me on this, just ask your local asbestos manufacturer. This overlooks the flipside of this argument, that if activities and products detrimental to health and the econmy are to be taxed at a higher rate, then those that prevent such drains should be taxed lightly, if at all. I think we can all agree that HIV/AIDS and pregnancy are very expensive. Why then, are condoms taxed at all?
Sin taxes also undermine the very concept of the progressive tax system, which liberals loudly proclaim their love for. I hope this isn't a newsflash to anyone, but millionaires aren't as likely to smoke Lucky's or drink Thunderbird as the poorer among us are. Of course, poor people need their behavior modified by rich liberals because they're so much better than the rest of us. Besides, poor people already vote for liberals and Ukrainian Lesbian Dance troupes cannot be reliably expected to do so.
You might be asking, "is there any kind of outrage over this?" Sure there is. The problem with outrage in Canada is that it tends to be very short lived. I'll go back to the George H.W Bush analogy to exemplify the point. Bush 41 did say, "Read my lips, no new taxes." And he did indeed raise them. The point that no one brings up is what taxes he raised. The first President Bush implemented a "luxury tax" that affected those buying fur coats and yachts. It wasn't spun that way. By election day, most middle-class voters thought that their personal income taxes had been raised, and Bush 41 received the lowest percentage of the popular vote any sitting president since William Howard Taft. Canadians don't think that way. We get screwed by someone and then vote for them again. We do this because the politicians tell us that they'll buy us flowers and use lube "the next time."
Were the people of Ontario lied to and subsequently raped in the pocketbook yesterday? Yup. Will it matter four years from now? Probably not. Canadians love to proclaim that they're smarter than virtually everyone else in the world. We just don't tend to vote that way.
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