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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
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HISTORY LESSONS WITH MR. BILL
I've waited for this moment for twelve years. Ever since he won the presidency, I've been dying to read the memoirs of Bill Clinton. Not because I'm a particularly big fan of his policies or of him as a person, but because I've been fascinated with how well he lies. Think it's just me? Then Nebraska Senator Bob Kerry once described Clinton as "an unusually good liar. Unusually good."
Clinton's gift lies in the fact that when he speaks, he never actually says anything. He speaks almost entirely in platitudes. "Mend it (affirmative action), not end it." Huh? "It is time to end welfare as we know it." How? But by listening to Clinton, you were lost in his presence and didn't actually notice that he really didn't say much of anything. He so filled a room with his personality that you had to struggle to notice that he was full of shit. Anyone who has read his speeches, as opposed to listening to them, quickly realized that there was no there there.
Whenever Bill Clinton made a concrete statement, such as the ones he made about having American troops out of Bosnia by January 20, 1997 or not having sex with that woman, they tended to bite him on the ass. But he has this incredible facility with the English language whereby, if taken word by word, a Clinton sentence isn't a lie in the most precise meaning of the word. It's just horseshit. There's actually a difference, if only a technical one. His statement on Gennifer Flowers is instructive. Flowers, in Star magazine, alleged a "12 year affair with Bill Clinton." Clinton responded that "the allegations are false." But remember the allegation was a 12 year affair. If the affair lasted 11 years and 364 days, then Clinton isn't lying. During his Paula Jones deposition, Clinton admitted to having "sexual relations" with Flowers. And that's under his own convoluted, "I read it in the Bible" definition of the phrase.
For these reasons, "My Life" is going to be a monumentally entertaining read for people like me. In Canada, the book will probably retail for about fifty dollars and I intend to buy it when it's released next Tuesday. This is because people like me are stupid.
But the real fun will begin on Sunday when 60 Minutes airs the first serious interview with President Clinton. Matt Drudge managed to weasel some quotes out of somebody at CBS. Let's check them out.
Clinton tells Rather he is proud that he fought the impeachment battle that failed to drive him from office. "I didn't quit, I never thought of resigning and I stood up to it and beat it back," he tells Rather. "The whole battle was a badge of honor. I don't see it as a stain, because it was illegitimate," says Clinton of the impeachment process that he calls "an abuse of power."
Note to the President; never start with the really good stuff. You should build up to that. Kinda sad that I might be a better writer than the 42nd president, isn't it? Although, I concede that he has me in the creepy sex life sweepstakes.
But if he insists on starting with impeachment, let's. Apparently, the president has a misunderstanding of how impeachment works. There are 535 votes that matter and he didn't have any of them. He didn't "beat back" anything. As a matter of fact, he was impeached by the House of Representatives. He just wasn't convicted in the Senate, which no one really expected he would be anyway. 67 votes is an enormously tough nut to crack The Democratic Party was either exceptionally loyal or exceptionally craven, depending on your point of view, but they did the "beating back", sir.
And while President Clinton feels the impeachment was "an abuse of power" , it remains an issue to debate. Contrary to popular belief, he wasn't impeached for a blowjob, he was impeached for perjury before a grand jury and obstruction of justice. These are precisely the things that ended Richard Nixon's presidency. People seem to believe that it matters what you commit perjury or obstruction over. The law sees it differently. The law doesn't read, "...is a felony unless getting your dick wet is involved." I checked. I'm revered for finding loopholes like that.
Historians now almost universally agree that the impeachment of President Andrew Johnson (for firing his Secretary of War) actually was an abuse of power. That really doesn't change the fact that all history remembers Johnson for is being impeached. Clinton is rightfully terrified of the same fate. He really shouldn't be. He'll also be remembered for being bookended by presidents named George Bush.
I could also point out that, when running for Congress in 1974, Clinton said, "I believe lying to the American people is an impeachable offense" but I'm feeling generous so I won't.
Clinton views his economic plan as the greatest accomplishment of his presidency. "I kept score, how many people's lives were better off," he tells Rather. "I think the fact that we were able to have 22 million jobs and record home ownership and lower interest rates...people actually had the ability to do more things than ever before," says Clinton
This is mostly true. Clinton had a reasonably good run on the economy. But there is one quote that stands out from the '92 campaign. That involves family take home pay being lower in 1992 than it was in 1969 that lead to average families "working longer for less." That's all changed now, hasn't it? I wonder why Clinton doesn't mention that...
He had many days as president that he counts among his best, including his efforts to help the residents of Kosovo and rid the world of a dictator. "The day that Kosovar war ended and I knew Milosevic's days were numbered was a great day. I had a lot of great days," he says.
I think we can all agree that genocide is an evil best stopped at every oportunity. Unless, that opportunity presents itself in Rwanda. It's one thing to be "the first black president" but when actual black people were being hacked to death at the rate of 800,000 in three months, Clinton was otherwise occupied.
Why did Clinton commit adultery? He tells Rather there is no rational explanation. "I did something for the worst possible reason. Just because I could," says Clinton. "I think that's just about the most morally indefensible reason anybody could have for doing anything," he says.
This may be the most honest thing Clinton has said in decades.
Love him or hate him, this is going to be the summer for you. Because he's not going away. His book tour is going to dovetail nicely into his speech at the Democratic National Convention. He's going to be everywhere. Talking loud and sayin' nothing. Tip him and he might just feel your pain, too.
UPDATE: Christ, this guy is unstoppable. As I wrote this post last night, the former president attended the premiere of his Hollywood toady, Harry Thomason's film, The Hunting of the President: The Ten-Year Campaign to Destroy Bill Clinton and he insisted on adding fuel to my fire. (excerpted from today's New York Times)
Former President Bill Clinton said last night that while he does not "wake up in the morning hating Ken Starr," he nevertheless accused the former independent prosecutor of an "abuse of power" that "crushed innocents.''
Speaking at the New York premiere of a film documentary, "The Hunting of the President: The Ten-Year Campaign to Destroy Bill Clinton," Mr. Clinton paused in his remarks to praise someone in the audience: Susan McDougal, a partner in the failed Whitewater real estate venture in Arkansas that led to a multipronged investigation that preceded his eventual impeachment.
Ms. McDougal served almost two years in prison for contempt of court in the mid-1990s for refusing to answer questions about Mr. Clinton's involvement in the land deal. She was eventually was acquitted of obstruction of justice in April 1999.
"Susan McDougal was a victim of abuse of power,"Mr. Clinton said. "She was simply a political pawn."
Wow. It seems that everyone who wasn't president in the period of 1993-2001 abused their power, doesn't it. It's too bad that Clinton wasn't in a position of power or influence for eight years so he could've done something about it. Something like fire Ken Starr, which the Independent Counsel statute specifically allowed for in cases of "abuse of power."
And it's good too see that the president recognized that McDougal was a "political pawn", yet allowed her to languish in prison for 2 years, pardoning her only on his last day in office after she had already been released. Never let it be said that Bill Clinton wasn't a brave man.
And while we're on the topic of "crushed innocents" of an "abuse of power", why aren't the names of Wen Ho Lee and Richard Jewell, two completely innocent private citizens whose lives were annihilated by the Clinton Justice Department ever mentioned?
Oh, right. Because they're inconvenient. I forgot. Sorry, my bad.
Shit, look what it took for him to apologize to Monica Lewinsky for what he did to her life.
Instead, he seemed determined to gloss over any failings and cast the period in a sympathetic light, saying he was a "naive fool" for insisting, despite the advice of aides, on the appointment of an independent counsel to investigate Whitewater.
Actually, that's a demonstrable lie. George Stephanopolous, in his book, "All Too Human" and David Gergen, in "Eyewitness to Power" both relate that they begged Clinton to come clean and name an Independant Counsel early on regarding Whitewater, but were rebuffed -apparently due to the veto of the First Lady. I would seriously question whether Gergen and Stephanopolous were members of the "vast right-wing conspiracy."
"I thought people should know the truth: I lost money in a land deal," Mr. Clinton said to laughter from a crowd of a few hundred supporters, including celebrities like Kurt Vonnegut, Al Franken and Glenn Close. Later, he added, "I thought the whole thing was legit. I don't know, I was just some guy from Arkansas."
Actually, Mr. President, you were the Governor. You were also a Rhodes Scholar, a law professor, the former Attorney General and the self-proclaimed Smartest Guy in the Universe. Please drop the "Aw, shucks" act. It's unbecoming.
Here's the final word on Whitewater. As much as some people would like you to believe that it was "a failed land deal", no fewer than thirteen people were convicted of crimes in relation to it. That works out roughly to include everyone involved whose name wasn't "Clinton."
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