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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
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THERE'S ANOTHER REASON TO SEE BRITNEY SPEARS?
It has been reported that Louisiana chantusse and recently inebriated (though now sober and therfore former) bride, Britney Spears is scheduled to bring her tour to the People's Republic of China this coming November. The tour is not expected to be problem-free, however. The Communist Party is reportedly concerned about Ms. Spears' wardrobe. The Chinese are famously uptight about hot chicks, even though they produce so many.
The concerns about her wardrobe seem to be limited to two. Namely, her tits. Unlike the rest of the planet, the Chinese want nothing to do with Britney's breasts, so round and fake and out of proportion with the rest of her body that they're just.....beautiful. Apparently, the Chinese are a more culturally oriented people than the rest of us. They wish to be undistracted as they appreciate her vocal stylings.
One can safely assume that they'll be screaming, "Whip 'em out!" by the third song. Just like audiences the world over. Music really does create a brotherhood of man.
It should also be interesting to see how a song like, "I'm a Slave 4 U" goes over in a country with a series of gulag-like "re-education through labor" camps that detain millions goes over. I'm sure the irony will be lost on Britney, but I should imagine everyone else will have a giggle.
Let's think through the Chinese government's position at this juncture. Look at her. Beautiful face, kick-ass little body - judging by this picture, completely shaved, too - and glorious knockers. Judging from these photos, she appears to be undie-phobic as well. And the Chinese want her to cover it up as much as possible!
The Godless bastards!
If I was the absolute ruler of my own country, I wouldn't let her in with clothes. Those would all be seized by Customs. And I would insist that Christina Aguliera be her opening act. She too would be forced to perform nude. I would also insist on slutty, skinny, blonde Xtina and not dumpy, brunette, eyebrowless Christina.
I have concluded that this is yet another reason communism was long ago consigned to "the ash heap of history."
So c'mon, everybody....DANCE!
Y'know, for freedom and stuff.
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