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Thursday, July 01, 2004
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THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR HELPING OUT
People get far too carried away when people get stuck in a hole. Particularly if it happens to be a very small person. I was 17 years old when "Baby Jessica" was trapped in a Texas well for what seemed like a year. It was greatly annoying. Everywhere you turned people were discussing the poor baby in the well. It was everywhere on TV.
It was then that I decided that most major news outlets are swine and that most of their viewers and readers are stupid. A baby in a well is sad (and the pretext for several jokes), but it's hardly an Earth shattering development. Baby Jessica in a hole got more media play than the Iran/Iraq war did at the time. Of course, Baby Jessica was white and cute and a million dead Muslims decidedly weren't. But people fell in love with that story. Mostly because it was easy for stupid people to understand. There is the hole in the ground. There is the infant stuck in it. Any questions?
The story didn't completely affirm my contempt for humanity. That only happened when everyone was swept away by the Macarena. When I saw Al Gore reference it during his speech to the 1996 Democratic National Convention, I knew that we are all doomed.
Unlike everybody else in society, I thought I had learned something from the Baby Jessica story. That was that if I were to ever make something of my life, I would have to fall into a hole. It was only when it was pointed out to me that Baby Jessica was tiny and adorable and that I am big and ugly that I reconsidered. So, sixteen years later, I started a blog. See how that works?
Not only was a stuipid story then, but it continues to be. There was news coverage of Baby Jessica's graduation from high school, which should've only been newsworthy if the ceremony were held in a well. I'm sure that, decades from now the death of Baby Jessica will be covered as well. I should admit, I'm kind of hoping that she meets her maker by falling into a manhole or something, but I'm a pretty twisted bastard.
That story defined the lives of everyone involved. They all basked in the world's adulation at the time and must have been crushed when we all moved on. There must've been a horrible emptiness in the knowledge that the glory days of a small girl in a well were forever gone. I'm sure they misted over whenever the heard a news story about somebody tiny falling into something deep. And if we can all agree on anything, it's that every man fills that emptiness in different ways.
William Andrew Glasscock Jr is a case in point. In 1987, he was one of the police officers who worked in the effort to rescue Baby Jessica. Officer Glasscock, whose name makes me giggle, filled his emptiness by developing some pretty interesting hobbies.
Former Midland cop gets 15 years for child sexual exploitation, explosives possessionAssociated Press
MIDLAND -- A former Midland police officer who helped in the 1987 rescue of "Baby Jessica McClure" was sentenced today to 15 years in federal prison on charges of sexual exploitation of a child and improper storage of explosives.
See? What did I tell you about filling emptiness in different ways?
William Andrew Glasscock Jr., 52, pleaded guilty to the charges in February, admitting he used a hidden camera to film a 12-year-old girl undressing, and getting in and out of the shower last summer at his Greenwood home. He also admitted he received hundreds of images over his computer of child pornography during a three-year span.
Tres kinky. But that can't be it, can it? There's gotta be more "there" there, right?
Glasscock also admitted he stored 400 pounds of high explosives, 1,700 blasting caps, a detonator cord, an artillery shell, two pipe bombs and four homemade hand grenades at his Midland County home.
According to testimony during Glasscock's detention hearing, the explosives could have leveled Glasscock's home and neighboring houses.
Wow. If Officer Glasscock learned anything from his time in the spotlight, it's that diversity will get you attention.
Armed with a search warrant, authorities found the child pornography and some explosives items at Glasscock's home in December. The search came a day after a woman filed a police report accusing Glasscock of sexual assault at an Odessa residence. More explosives were found at Glasscock's home when he was arrested on federal charges in January, the release states.
Glasscock was fired in January after he was arrested Dec. 24 for sexual assault stemming from allegations he used a narcotic to rape a 50-year-old Odessa woman with whom he was acquainted.
Jesus! He sure stayed busy, didn't he?
Now we need to be reminded about Baby Jessica, y'know, just in case somebody forgot. Plus there's a new generation out there that needs to be compelled by something retarded from a long time a ago.
Glasscock had been with the department since August 1981 and was part of the effort about 17 years ago to rescue Jessica McClure, who was trapped 22 feet below ground in a pipe only 8 inches wide for almost 60 hours. Baby Jessica's ordeal captured worldwide attention. McClure, who was 18 months old at the time of her rescue, graduated from Greenwood High School near Midland in May.
What did I tell you?
It was unclear whether state charges would be pursued. A telephone message left with the Ector County district attorney's office late Tuesday was not immediately returned.
Glasscock was already in custody and his prison term began after the sentencing proceeding.
The most horrible part for Officer Glasscock? They probably didn't cut him any slack for his time at the well.
I think we can agree that life isn't fair.
He probably hould've become a teacher instead.
UPDATE: Oh, I forgot to include this. I hope I can be that funny someday.Labels: I Fought The Law, Modern Heroes
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