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Monday, July 12, 2004
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WHEN CRIPPLES ATTACK
I love this story more than life itself.
A guy in a wheelchair decides to get it on with a guy on crutches. Beat THAT! This is potential Fox programming if I've ever seen it. You've all seen Celebrity Boxing, (and don't tell me you haven't.) Well, how about Handicapable Cage Match?
First bout? Stephen Hawking vs. Larry Flynt. Added bonus: The pre-taped "trash talk" that you see so much of on the WWF, or whatever the fuck they call it these days. The posibilities for Hawkings rant are ENDLESS! And that computer generated voice can sound pretty menacing, too. I'm pretty sure that Larry might start to get the feeling that he's about to get his ass handed back to him by HAL from 2001: A Space Oddysey.
Of course, Flynt has his advantages, as well. Never take a man who has a bevy of sluts who can hit you with a folding chair from outside the ring lightly. I learned that the HARD way. I'd love to share the details, but it's a long story. Let's just say that I was young, drunk and in love and we'll leave it at that.
It should go without saying that the winner of the Hawking/Flynt bout goes on to face the fearsome, formerly Super man, Christopher Reeve. He has a sneaky tactic, too. As the combatants circle each other in the ring, taunting one another, Reeve's hot wife enter's throws Reeve's distracting toupee in the other's face as Chris moves in for the kill.
It's ideas like this that make me miss George Wallace more every day.
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