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Thursday, August 19, 2004
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IN PRAISE OF MICHELLE MALKIN
In one of the very rare moments of sobriety in the last two weeks, I've come to realize something neat. It's those "moments of clairty" that make running out of booze bearable.
The realization? I can write pretty much whatever I want now. For the first time since I started writing this drivel, I'm unlimited. I should note that anything that people tell me privately will stay private. I've destroyed enough of my sense of honor in the last 16 months. Nor will I infringe on anyone's privacy. I was very tempted to do just that recently, but common sense got the better of me. I hate it when that happens.
I should note that I've been in back to back relationships since the September of 1998. This is the first time I've been single in all that time. One relationship would end and another would immediately start. Okay, it's more complicated than that, but the details are none of your business so fuck you. In six years, I think I've forgotten how to be single. I must be a really hot guy. That or the appeal of "ugly, stupid and overly horny" is making a comeback with the ladies.
One thing that just occurred to me is that I can now write about who I'd like to fuck, consequence-free.
I'm sure you're all gathered around your monitors right now and asking yourselves, "When did the dickhead NOT write about who he wanted to fuck? Hasn't he be reading his own blog?"
That's a valid question. The answer is, no I haven't. I prefer reading talented writers. And yes, I've often referred to my wish list of outlets for my twisted carnal desires. But that had consequences. It turns out that women really don't like reading about who their boyfriends would like to find themselves inside, particularly when it happens to be someone other than themselves. They REALLY don't. Who knew?
People with vaginas are like snowflakes. The reaction is never the same in different women. The only thing those reactions have in common is that they're never good. Some women will remain very quiet for years and wait until they break up with you to tell you what a scumbag you are for writing such things. Others will ensure that you you hear about their displeasure immediately. In some instances, for months.
Now I don't need to worry about that anymore. Unless I date somebody else who reads this blog. If I ever disappear without warning, take that to mean that I have been dating such a woman and learned of a third reaction, murder.
Which brings me to Michelle Malkin.
I've only recently started reading her blog. Since several people I respect have her linked, I figured that I'd check her out. She's actually a pretty good writer. A tad conservative for my taste, but not psychotic like Ann Coulter. If I had one complaint, it's that the pictures on her blog are too small.
Well tonight, Mrs. Malkin was on Hardball With Chris Matthews. WOWEEEEE! Jesus Christ, she's the hottest thing on Earth. Unbelievably cute. I really want to marry her. Sure, she's already married and has two kids but this is what makes her just my type.
Sure, Matthews made her pretty much say that John Kerry intentionally shot himself in Vietnam. That was probably a bad idea. But I'm not ashamed to say that by the time her segment ended, my underpants were sticky. Luckily I wasn't in my normal state whilst watching talking head shows, which is nude (All right, I'm a quirky guy. I admit it. Move on.) or the mess would have been more widespread. And I really have no desire to wipe down my ceiling again this week.
In short, I think I'm in love. That happens frequently. Approximately 37 times a day. That's not shallow, is it?
Since it looks like "Ask skippy" has died and gone to hell, I might make this a new feature. Not Mrs. Malkin, rather who I'm in love with today. It might be entertaining.
Here is a picture of our our first contestant.
Seriously, though. I need more "Ask skippy" questions. Those bang themselves out.
UPDATE-FRIDAY AUGUST 20, 1:29PM It appears that the new love of my life is less than thrilled with her Hardball experience. I sympathize. It was brutal to watch. On the other hand, Michelle is even hotter when she's furious. I'd like to see them co-host. The transcipt of the whole ugly exchange here.
Here's what I mean about Michelle getting pissed.
But what I'm sure everyone is asking, does Michelle Malkin get the Gimp skippy Thumbs Up?
YES!
Good looking and angry. Christ, that's such a turn on.
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