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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
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SHUT UP AND PLAY YER GUITAR
So a bunch of fantasically rich and famous rock stars are touring swing states in the hopes that they can sway this November's presidential election. My personal opinion is that this is yet another pristine example of the generally delusional behaviour of celebrities. The last time I checked, Pearl Jam hadn't sold any records since 1995, yet Eddie Vedder thinks that he's going to determine the leader of the free world.
That celebrities are mind bogglingly full of shit is hardly news. These people actually do believe that they can sway the way you vote. On the other hand, most of the bloggers I read think the same thing. To be fair, I've made political endorsements in this space as well. The difference is, I don't expect to be taken seriously. Anybody who knows anything about me and my life knows that they'd be an idiot to do anything just because I did. A good rule of thumb to leading your life would be to find out what I would do (WWSD) and then do the precise opposite.
But that's just me. I'm all about humility. I'm kinda like a dopey Jesus with worse facial hair.
It seems to me that this Rock for Change tour is an exercise in stupidity with a backbeat. But stupidity is like physics. Every stupid action has an opposite and equally stupid reaction. And so it has come to pass that there is a movement to "Boycott the Boss."
The movement is directed at the tour's headliner, Bruce Springsteen. Remember him? Yeah, the guy that President Reagan repeatedly cited during his rather successful "Morning in America" tour of 1984. Springsteen hasn't had a hit in a while either. Of course, this is beside the point.
"Boycott the Boss" is headed by Dr. Marilyn O'Grady, a Conservative Party Candidate for New York's US Senate seat. Most of you have never heard of the New York Conservative Party. They exist mostly to make life difficult for the Republicans. In terms of actual electoral results, the Conservative Party has scored a grand total of ONE victory. The elected James Buckley (brother of William F.) to the United States Senate........in 1970. In concrete terms, the Conservative Party makes Pearl Jam look like the Beatles.
Just because I'd have given my left nut to have written Thunder Road doesn't mean that Springsteen could sway my vote. And just because my politics tend to the conservative (mostly because the Libertarains don't run where I live) doesn't mean that I need their office seekers tsk-tsking my record collection.
O'Grady and Springsteen seem to be suffering from the same delusion. This is not uncommon with successful people. They begin to think that if they excel in one area that they would succeed in other areas. This is why Eddie Murphy thought he could sing. Or why Madonna thought she could act. Politicians are increasingly becoming music critics when most serious people could give a shit. Remember how the first President Bush got into a pissing match with Ice-T? Remember how it got him re-elected?
If an office holder feels seriously threatened by Bruce Springsteen they should do something productive with their lives. They can start by cutting my lawn. Have you ever heard Springsteen attempt to speak? It's funny to see if you haven't. By the same token, politicians -particularly conservative ones- over react to what dopey rock stars do and look ridiculous in the process. On this, I agree with liberals. You never hear them rant about Toby Keith. This is because they know that Toby Keith is a putz and a loudmouth to boot. But to listen to Republicans over the last year, you would think that the Dixie Chicks actually piloted one of the 9/11 planes.
Life is pretty simple for politicians and rock stars. When you examine it, you come to the conclusion that the expectations really aren't that high. Rock stars are basically expected to write a decent song now and then, shake their asses and engage in deviant sex with young girls. All that we expect of politicians is to lie about taxes, pave roads, kill foreigners......and engage in deviant sex with young girls.
Bruce Springsteen sounds like an idiot when going on political tirades. But by the same token, Dr. O'Grady sounds like an idiot when she pretends that she's on the Rolling Stone editorial board. There's only person who's right in this controversey. That would be me. This is because I know what I'm good at and I stick with it. That what I'm good at consists entirely of making unfunny jokes and masturbating really isn't the point.
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