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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
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HOW WOULD JESUS VOTE?
Paranoid schizophrenic Republican, Allan Keyes is currently running for the open U.S Senate seat in Illinois. I've may have noted before, the only thing I love most about democracy is the possibility that an actually deranged person could get a major party nomination. I couldn't be more thrilled that it's happened in my lifetime.
Keyes never fails to disappoint. Ambassador Keyes did recieve an important endorsement this week though. Jesus himself would vote for Keyes, at least in Keyes' mind, that is. In my Bible studies, I was never to ascertain that the Lamb of God was a handicapper of Midwestern political campaigns. Although, since Lincoln was a deist, one can reasonably assume that the Big Guy was behind Stephen Douglas in their 1858 Senate campaign.
I should think that the Son of Man also supports Jennifer Granholm in Michigan. This is because that the Governor is a piece of ass. Highly fuckable women are tragically under-represented in elective office and I'm pretty sure that it concerns Jesus as much as it concerns me.
But I digress. Here's what Keyes actually said.
Keyes, who has focused his campaign on abortion, said that his statement about whom Jesus would vote for was based on Obama's pro-choice votes in the Illinois Senate.
"Christ would not stand idly by while an infant child in that situation died," Keyes said. "And I'm not the only person, obviously, who thinks if you are a representative of me, I cannot vote for you if you would ignore the dignity and claims of that child's life. So, yes, I did respond quite logically -- you'll see it's quite logical, right -- with the conclusion that Christ would not vote for Barack Obama, because Barack Obama has voted to behave in a way that it is inconceivable for Christ to have behaved."
Keyes, who will be greatly outspent, relies on free media in his campaign against Obama, Kay reported. As a result, he frequently calls news conferences to respond to responses. First, he criticizes Obama. When Obama responds, Keyes calls a news conference to respond, which is what he did on Tuesday.
Wow. It's too bad that Keyes is trailing Obama by 35 points (which is actually five points lower than after Jack Ryan pulled out of the race and the Republicans had no candidate at all.) It would be more fun if he won.
I think it would be neat to see a Senator take to the floor in a straitjacket.
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