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Wednesday, February 09, 2005
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WHAT'S IN skippy's DVD PLAYER
Okay, I know what you're thinking, "Jesus, skippy's got NOTHING! He's really scraping the bottom of the barrel. What the fuck is up with that?"
Well, the fact is that I've got lots. I have posts planned on the following: bombing the fuck out of Iran, my libido, refuting the Maximum Leader's views on Libertarianism and my first ever porno review.
That's a lot of writing and this is precisely the problem. I don't feel like doing it. Sorry, but fuck you. I have needs, too. These needs include, but are not limited to, getting drunk, masturbating, seeing the Seattle feed of the West Wing at midnight, masturbating some more and then reading this week's issue of the New Yorker (Christ, am I highbrow or what?)
In short, I don't have a lot of time writing convulted posts.
I also recognize that you all are desperately in love with me. I also know that you deserve better. Every single one of you.
Then I realized that I have a five disc DVD player. Its contents might amuse you, get me out of actually thinking about what I write and salve my guilty conscience, all in one fell swoop.
So let's roll.
1) Oz: The Fourth Season (Disc 3, Side B): Yes, I've made it through 14 of the 16 hours of the set. And I feel romantic! So, if you see me in the shower, do come closer.
2) Kill Bill, Volume 1: Haven't seen it yet. In fact, I haven't been in a movie theatre since 1996.
3) Kill Bill, Volume 2: Ditto. But I got both for thirty bucks at work. Just last week, they were nearly forty bucks EACH. So even if they suck, I'll feel I got a good deal. This is because I'm stupid.
4) Raging Bull: One of the ten greatest movies ever made. If you don't love this movie, you're wrong. Ever since I first bought a DVD player, three years ago, I've wanted this movie but it was out of print. Now it isn't and was only ten bucks.
Besides, it forever changed the way I ask a romantic partner for dinner.
5) Tera Patrick, AKA: Filthy Whore: Which she isn't, really. She's pretty restrained for a porn star. She rarely talks dirty, doesn't do lesbo scenes and almost never takes it in the dumper.
This is to say nothing of the fact that I don't like porno on DVD. It just doesn't feel as dirty as VHS.
But Miss Patrick has a beautiful face and a body untouched by cosmetic surgery. As you can see, she's quite the looker.
I know what you're asking. And yes, she's half Thai and half Columbian. Beat that!
I can also imagine that my gentleman readers won't sleep properly until they've seen the lovely Miss Patrick in the altogether, which may be done here and here. It should go without saying that these links are NOT work safe. She does have a great ass, though. I can't imagine that your boss can fault you for seeing that.
However, you could probably get away with this picture at work.
Sweet dreams. I have a long, sore night ahead of me.
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