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Friday, April 23, 2004
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ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT
----It wasn't too long ago that the New York Times was a respected news outlet. As of late, it suffers in comparisons to high school photostat newsletters. The best thing thing anyone has said about the Times in the last year has been that there aren't too many spelling mistakes.
And as all things do, it gets better.
The Times yesterday ran a story on one Ernest Avants. Avants was a member of the KKK who in 1966 murdered a black sharecropper in the hope that the crime would bring Martin Luther King to Louisiana. Avants would then have assassinated King, according to the prosecution theory. There was one SMALL problem with the article. The accompanied photo, supposedly of Avants, was actually Pete Coors, the Republican candidate for Colorado's Senate seat. When asked they were afraid of being sued over the article, the Times responded, "We were wong, sure. But who's ever heard of a Coloradan named Coors having money?"
----"If I had a million dollars/I'd buy your love"
Barenaked Ladies, "If I had a $1,000,000"
If I had a million dollars, I'd buy a single chick. Given that my last two girlfriends were married when I hooked up with them, I'm in a position to know such things.
-----I'm sure we've all had teachers we've hated. I'm equally sure that I have a vindictive readership. This kid gets points for creativity, but loses them back for his revenge being pussyish. Doesn't anybody remember how to attach a pipe bomb to a car starter anymore?
----State Rep. Derrick Shepherd doesn't want you to just think about incest and cross burnings when you think about Louisiana. He wants you to think of reactionary shithead legislators, too. Representative Shepherd wants the state that gave us David Duke to ban low-slung pants. Apparently, he doesn't like seeing the tight, firm buttocks of hot, young girls popping into his line of vision. I'm pretty sure that this makes Rep. Shepherd a fairy, which I understand isn't very popular in Louisiana.
If he limited the ban to men's haberdashery, I'd be fully supportive. As I'm sure you've all noticed by now, I'm no homo.
Besides, isn't the entire fucking state of Louisiana completely naked during the month of March?
----- Having established that I'm no homo, I have a moral objection to polygamy. While I believe that there's no such thing as "too much pussy", their owner's can grow rather tiresome. Particularly when you consider their penchant for taking half of your shit when they don't like you anymore. This is where polygamy comes in. If you have multiple wives, who reach a committee decision that you're a skunk, does the 50% get divided by the number of wives or do you have to give them all everything you ever make ever again until you are trolling offramps with a sign that says, "Will work for wives' food" well into the afterlife. These are legally uncharted waters.
On the other hand, I remember when the idea of gay marriage came up and conservative motherfuckers like Senator Rick Santorum said dumb things like, "Well, this will lead to polygamy, incest and beastilality." And I remember my reaction being, "So the fuck what?" As long as the animal, relative or multiple potential spouses are adults, so the fuck what? Don't we have bigger problems to worry about than who marries who? Everybody my age who isn't Dr. Reverend is going to be eating dog food when we hit retirement because the government's ponzi scheme of Social Security or Old Age Pension, depending on where in the world you live, will collapse in about 20 minutes and these moralistic motherfuckers can't think of a bigger "crisis" of who (what) other people want to marry. This is another reason I hate humanity.
Well, it turns out that Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness are pushing for the legalization of polygamist marriage. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But as I've touched on the topic of beastiality, I've encountered another moral quandary. If I think it's okay to fuck an animal, is it okay for a rhino to fuck your car? The State of California has decided that fucking a corpse is fine. Y'know, so long as you don't marry the deceased. You have to move to France for that.
-----Am I pissed that I didn't have this idea first? Yes, yes I am.
----- And the downward spiral of Courtney Love is continuing nicely. I don't care what anyone says, I feel badly for poor Courtney and especially, Frances Bean. It must be bad enough reading that your father wrote about you this way in his suicide note, " I have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker I became.",
does she have to lose her mother, too? Just asking.
Currently Reading: "Ghosts of Manila: The Fateful Blood feud Between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier." by Mark Kram
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