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Thursday, May 20, 2004
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 "WHY DO I KEEP FUCKIN' UP?"
There are few things more annoying than rock stars with "professional attitues." You know the type, the guys who take an "all business" stand when they go out on the road. It's like no one has a greter ambition than joining Audioslave. Far too many acts are like this these days. This is why music sucks now.
It didn't always used to be like this. Used to be that the vast majority of rock stars were completely out of control and could hardly be relied upon to do anything according to schedule. Look at the original Rolling Stones lineup. Brian Jones, who started the band, had to be thrown out because his drug convictions made it virtually impossible for him to enter the United States to tour. They take care of that problem and what happens? Keith Richards becomes the most legendary junkie in human history. The Stones had be very careful planning tours in the ten-minute intervals between Keith's arrests.
The Sex Pistols were even more unreliable. They were touted as "the next big thing" in 1976 and managed to get dropped from two labels before releasing a note of music. The they fire their main songwriter, bassist Glen Matlock, because he admits to liking the Beatles. Matlock is replaced with the borderline psychotic Sid Vicious, who promptly becomes a heroin addict. The Pistols' first American tour ends 12 days in after singer Johnny Rotten quits the band following a show at Winterland in San Francisco.
Nirvana were a behind the scenes pain in the ass. The follow-up to the massively successful Nevermind, In Utero was originally deemed so uncommercial that the record company has second thoughts about releasing it at all. REM's then producer, Scott Litt had to be brought in to remix any song that might possibly be released as a single. Nirvana then commits to a tour. An important showcase of the new songs is scheduled at the Roseland Ballroom in New York. Just before showtime, Kurt Cobain nearly dies of a heroin overdose. He ended up playing a great show anyway and the incident is only revealed after his suicide.
Then there are two biggest fuck-up bands of the last 20 years, Guns N' Roses and Stone Temple Pilots. One could safely assume that GNR put on lab coats and invented irresponsibility. Axl Rose was quitting the band every thirty seconds, often just before and ocassionally during a concert. Various other members of the band OD'd regularly. Original drummer, Steven Adler was thrown out for being too fuck up to be in Guns N' Roses, which begs the question,"How fucked up is too fucked up to be in Guns N' Roses?"
Ordinarily, as a band becomes more successful, they become more responsible. GNR became even more out of control as they became more successful. Axl would show up to a gig and refuse to go onstage. The average start time for a Guns N'Roses show was three hours late. Every third show became a riot. Guitarist and main songwriter, Izzy Stradlin became so frustrated with Axl that he stopped showing up to video shoots. Finally, he quit right in the middle of the tour. Then over time, everybody but Axl quit or was fired. GNR hasn't been able to release an album of original material since September of 1991.
My favorite Guns story involves Slash, Duff, a few bottles of wine and the American Music Awards. Appetite for Destruction was nominated for Best Hard Rock album. Not thinking that they would win, Slash and Duff showed up and started drinking. Guess what? They won and late in the show, a very drunk Slash gets on stage. Slash's acceptance speech -on live television- begins, "I'd just like to fuckin' thank...." Slash says "fuck" twice and "shit" once. For the first time in 40 years, AMA producer Dick Clark looks his age.
Stone Temple Pilots were signed in Nirvana's wake and were immediately popular. The more people liked STP, the more singer Scott Weiland liked heroin. By the time their third record is done, Weiland is totally strung out. He begins getting arrested. As soon as he would get bail, he would get arrested again. He was like a rock n' roll Robert Downey Jr. A judge became infuriated with Weiland and sentences him to a year in jail the second their fourth album comes out. No tour, no videos, no lead singer. The album is a success anyway. The album is still a hit. Weiland served his sentence, was released, proclaimed his sobriety, and got arrested again.
In that spirit, the former, non-Axl members of Guns N'Roses, decide to start a new band. They need a singer. Who do they get? Scott Weiland, of course. What could happen? Weiland could get arrested a week after the announcement is made is what. Weiland is immediately placed in lockdown rehab and has to obtain supervised day passes to record their first album. The group has a douchey name, Velvet Revolver, but what I've heard of the music is pretty good.
Velvet Revolver has just started their first tour. If nothing else, it should be interesting to watch. If things go the way I expect them to, rock n'roll may not be as boring as its been for the last decade.
Who knows? Axl might even come out of hiding, too. He's gotta run out of plastic surgery options at some point.
UPDATE: Velvet Revolver played a club here in Toronto last night, a review of which can be read here. They also held a press conference, where Slash had the greatest quote ever;
When asked by a CBC TV reporter if he thought Canada was a nation of stoners, Slash responded, "I'd love to give you a real good answer but if my memory of being in Toronto is right, it was more about pussy than pot."
Labels: I Hate Music
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