Obviously, the need to be taken seriously is problematic for Ms. Jolie. As you know, she does have a reputation for being serious - seriously fucking crazy. Doing things like tongue kissing your brother at awards shows, wearing a vial of someone else's blood around your neck and marrying Billy Bob Thorton are not activities that you and your neighbours regularly engage in.
To be fair though, there really aren't many people left that Billy Bob Thorton hasn't been married to, so we shouldn't hold that against Angelina. It was just her turn. Like the cold void of death, it appears that we'll all face that fate someday. And like death, Billy Bob awaits each of us. And we'll have to face him alone.
But I've gone off point yet again, haven't I?
Because they're beautiful, people like Jolie believe that they're entitled to influence something more substantial than my penis, as if such a thing actually exists. Angelina first attempted to do this by becoming the United Nations Ambassador to Things That Make Children Sad or something. What she didn't realize is that the only real accomplishment of the UN is annoying everyone at Halloween with those goddamn UNICEF boxes. Those fucking boxes drove me to hate the United Nations
and Halloween.
Perhaps sensing the futility in putting all of her eggs in a blue-helmeted basket, Angelina might be ready to branch out and
associate herself with people who used to be really important.
The prestigious Council on Foreign Relations is about to get a jolt of sex appeal.
The exclusive, Manhattan-based foreign-policy group has decided to admit actress Angelina Jolie, a U.N. goodwill ambassador who has taken more than 30 trips worldwide to advocate for refugees, AIDS orphans and disaster victims.
On Friday night, the council's membership accepted Jolie's nomination - meaning she will soon be rubbing elbows with other club members such as Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Henry Kissinger, Colin Powell and Alan Greenspan.
The group requires no academic credentials but looks for members who take part in world affairs.
Many current members call Jolie qualified and support her induction.
"Bring her on," said Dr. Gordon Adams, an international-affairs professor. "The idea of having Henry Kissinger and Angelina Jolie in the same organization is dazzling."
Member Carol Adelman, former head of U.S. foreign-aid programs, said, "It's not like Paris Hilton is being nominated."
Poor Paris. It's getting so you can't even be a brainless, herpes-ridden whore trying to make an honest living at doing nothing anymore. Some cunt whose only
real job was running U.S foreign-aid programs just
has to get bitchy with you.
For those of you who have actually had sex in the last 14 months (and, as of Thursday, I haven't,)
The Council is a think tank
assemblage of Very Important People.
Rather, it's an
assemblage of people who
used to be very important. The Council also publishes the grand foreign policy journal
Foreign Affairs, which I enjoy reading when I'm not masturbating. As you might imagine, I don't read it as often as I'd like.
Although it is now more of a graveyard for foreign policy establishment figures who pass their expiration date,
Foreign Affairs is from time to time an instrument of important policy change. In 1947, the deputy ambassador to the Soviet Union,
George F. Kennan published a declassified version of his famous "long telegram" to President Truman and Secretary of State George Marshall under the psuedonym "X." That article, "The Sources of Soviet Conduct," became the foundation of the containment policy that ultimately won the Cold War and destroyed the Soviet Union itself.
In 1967, future president Richard Nixon, writing as "Mr. X" published "American Foreign Policy After Vietnam," which called for the establishment of formal relations with the People's Republic of China in
Foreign Affairs. Five years later, that idea became a policy that changed the world.
Which is to say that the Council on Foreign Relations is capable of doing some pretty cool stuff from time to time. On the other hand,
Foreign Affairs was also the venue Donald Rumsfeld chose in 2001 to unviel his "light footprint" military doctrine that is currently working so well in Iraq.
You'd really think that knowing all of that stuff would get me laid. Sadly, it does not.
The Council is comprised of some of history's most influential thinkers and policy makers. Its members have included presidents, diplomats of the highest order and all-around smartypantses. The Council and its publications influence world events every day. Pretty heady stuff, when you think about it .... which most of you probably aren't.
Angelina Jolie has smouldering eyes, the most blowjobalicious lips around and a truly fetching set of cans. Oh, she's also insane. How can this partnership
not work?
Sure, there might be drawbacks. The potential that
Zbigniew Brzezinski will be driven to uncontrollable levels of lust and resort to humping the bannisters is very real. That cat has a set of pheremones that you wouldn't believe!
And, really, how much embarrasment can she really cause a group that counts John Kerry among it's members? Given his pathetic presidential campaign, Angelina is
at least as qualified to join the Council. Jolie won an Oscar and all Kerry has ever done was throw away a perfectly good election.
All things being equal, I think Angelina Jolie joining the Council on Foreign Relations is just a touch redundant. If she keeps up her current frenzy of adopting kids from exotic places, she have the goddamn UN General Assembly in her breakfast nook. I think she's going to keep going until she completes the set or something.
And that's how you know that Angelina has the greatest pussy ever! I can't think of another reason that Brad Pitt would tolerate this nonsense for as long as he has.
Easy Listening Recommendation of the Day: Let Me Put My Love Into You By: AC/DC
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